Letting children play outside on their own?

[PrincessFiona]

What age are you comfortable with this? In our neighborhood, there are two 4 year old girls who have the run of the neighborhood. It is making it VERY difficult for me to keep Zoe inside. I'm just not quite there yet in terms of my comfort. Am I being overly protective?

Kris

[Ladybug]

My 4 yo is still so accident-prone there is no way I'd let her run around as she pleased. She doesn't look for cars, runs in parking lots, falls *constantly*, etc. It would have major, ER accident written all over it. I don't think she has a sense of stranger danger yet, and will talk to anyone who will listen right now. She would try to do everything (climbing, etc.) that she saw the big girls doing and she's just not there yet.

I do give the older girls popsicles and snacks when they come play in our yard with my younger girls. I'll hook up the sprinker, let them make water ballons, etc. to keep them in our yard. But I don't let my girls leave the yard and I keep the kitchen door open to watch/hear them, and I make a point of talking to them frequently enough that they know I'm right there hearing everything. I always worry about the older girls bossing or bullying the younger girls, but so far they've been very nice to my girls. Of course the toddler stays in the house with me. Talk about someone that thinks she should be running with the big girls.

[GrayMatterWife]

Am I being overly protective?

Absolutely not. What the heck are four-years-old doing, running around the neighborhood, unsupervised?

[Phoebe]

No way! I don't allow my almost 4 year old out of the yard unless she is going with her older sisters to the neighbor's house while I am watching. I don't even let my 6 1/2 year old ride her bike alone around our .4 mile block.

[v-girl]

I didn't start letting my girls play in our front yard unsupervised until Mags was 10. You aren't being overprotective.

[Tenacious_D]

4 is too young IMHO. I remember not being allowed to play outside without direct supervision until I was ~10 and even then, my cousins were always with me since we lived in the same building. I see a lot of parents in our current neighborhood rely on the parents who are outside to watch their younger ones as well...without formally asking though.

[spotty_dog]

Depends on the neighborhood. Our neighbors have sent their 3 year old out to the swingset, when supervised by the 8 and 9 year olds, since she was 3. I am pretty comfortable leaving Eddy out of my sight for a bit if the 7 and 9 year olds are out, or for brief periods, even if they aren't. I even let Natalie run around with them. But this is a very quiet dead end (like literally our road dead ends at our house and we're the only ones there) almost a block from any roads that would have cars. The swingset is the draw and it's surrounded by an open field on church property. There are no strangers. If I go in the house or around the back I'm still in earshot at all times.

Kris, in your neighborhood, with 4 year olds going around by the streets unsupervised for long stretches and not even any older children nominally responsible? I'd definitely not be comfortable with that, nor would I let my kid out to join them!

[PrincessFiona]

Thanks. I am <gulp> comfortable letting my 6 1/2 year old run with the other boys. We live in a very small neighborhood that is basically built around a circular (sort of) pond, with 3 cul-de-sacs jutting off of it. He knows the rules and doesn't leave the neighborhood. With all of the other boys being allowed to play, I just can't deprive him of it without sending him to daycare.

Both of the 4 year olds have had free run for a year now...which means they were THREE when they were allowed to run from house to house. I am always horrified when Zoe sneaks out the door with them and I usually run out and find them racing across the street. It is very hard to rein Zoe in when they are running back and forth from house-to-house or are playing on neighors playsets. I have had to make Zoe stay here without them many times because I refuse to let her run around with them.

The one time I let her go to one of the girl's houses after talking with the mom, I came over and found the 4 year olds all jumping unsupervised on the trampoline.

I don't want to be a freak, but I just am not there yet.

Kris

[MDPhDWife]

I don't blame you. We live on a cul de sac with only four houses and directly across the street from us is a private neighborhood park. Even with this set up I still don't let my six year old out by herself unless she's with her nine year old sister. Even then I'm constantly peeping out and can't really relax, but I'm probably more paranoid than most. It drives me nuts when our next door neighbors have their seven year old son outside all day long and then leave him playing at the park while he goes to the store. It's the reason I won't allow the girls over to there house to play anymore, I can't trust their judgement.

[Deebs]

Kris - I'm just glad to see that a mom of five is as "overprotective" as I am. didn't these moms here about the 4 year old snatched out of her front yard while playing with her 6 year old brother just a couple of weeks ago? It seems like there are so many stories where people say, "well this has always been such a nice, quiet neighborhood. We just don't know how this happened." A four year old doesn't have the judgment to be on his/her own, IMO.

[HouseofWool]

At my sister's house (with a fenced in back yard) I am okay letting the kids play outside alone. My newphew is nearly 2 years older than Caleb and they have been playing alone outside together for several years. The only way I am okay with it is because the streets are not busy, they play in the back yard and my nephew is EXTREMELY responsible.

When we were in Milwaukee, our neighborhood was pretty safe (for a city that large) and we had 3 neighbors with kids Caleb's age. The kids were all pretty savvy about staying out of the streets and knew where they were allowed to play. Yeah, the kind had free range over a set of house, but all of the parents had a tacit agreement to watch out for all of the kids in their yard.

Kris

[GrayMatterWife]

. . . I came over and found the 4 year olds all jumping unsupervised on the trampoline.

I don't want to be a freak, but I just am not there yet.

OH, NO!!! NO TRAMPOLINES. Recreational trampolines are EVIL EVIL EVIL. If they want to use a trampoline, get them enrolled in a class at a gymnastics center. DH has seen some truly awful things. Kids and trampolines don't mix.

[v-girl]

Mine are allowed to play in my mom's backyard. But around here, all backyards are fenced in with tall wood fences.

[Pollyanna]

That is just nuts, you are not being overprotective Kris, you are parenting. Can the children get to the pond? More than stranger danger or even cars I would worry about one of those girls drowning in the water.

[PrincessFiona]

Thanks for the feedback. It is exceedingly difficult because the other children are allowed out. More than a handful of times now, I have chased her down somewhere because she wanders out of the house with them when they leave our home. With Aidan it is more difficult. I feel that he would really be deprived of socialization in general if I didn't let him go. Some of the boys are 10 or 11, which is fine ... but for the most part, he and his best friend (who is also six) go between our house and his. It's a fine line. You want to protect them AND give them the opportunities that others have.

As for the trampoline. Seriously...Zoe broke her knee last year on a tramp. I really don't need a repeat of THAT.

Kris