Spinoff: What TV shows do you ban?

[PrincessFiona]

And this leads me to another question. Would any of you ever consider allowing another child to come into your home and watch an R-rated movie or play a teen/adult game without consulting the other parent first? It sort of upsets me that other parents sometimes make these parenting choices for me (so to speak). Also, if I tell you that my daughter may not be dragged on a sled behind your ATV in the forest behind your house and then I see pictures on Facebook of her being permitted to do just that at your home a week later .... with your husband at the wheel .... ummm... don't be surprised if I call you on it. :/

We all have different values as parents. The responses here are only indicative of how much we all care about our children and how thoughtful everyone tries to be about what they expose their children to and how their children handle things. Why can't WE be neighbors

Kris

[Pollyanna]

Amen Kris, amen!

[Vanquisher]

Kris, you are welcome to move in next door to me whenever you want. Same goes for the lot of ya!

[GrayMatterWife]

Would any of you ever consider allowing another child to come into your home and watch an R-rated movie or play a teen/adult game without consulting the other parent first?

What the hell? No freaking way. Period.

[scrub-jay]

What the hell? No freaking way. Period.

I'm with GMW here. I would find that an incredible invasion and it would be highly disrespectful. Regardless of what I was allowed to watch (which was never really restricted) my parents would not let me watch things that my friends' parents did not approve of when my friends were over. Period. No matter how much we tried to convince them, occasionally, my parents would call the other parents to verify said approval!

To make an assumption of a parenting decision is inappropriate. Period.

[Vanquisher]

Here, again, I think this differs with older children. It's easy to say, "no way," but until you have a 14-year-old friend in your home whose parents are unreachable, it's hard to say. It's a judgement call. Typically, I have just asked the kid, "Are you allowed to play games rated T or M?" At a certain age, those kids know what they are and aren't allowed to do, and I can't go calling every parent to verify if it is okay if their kid plays Halo at my house or can watch a PG-13 flick. I don't have the time. They know if it is or isn't appropriate, and they will face the consequences if there are any.

So, no, I don't police every little thing at my house. With my daughter's friends? I wouldn't let them do it on assumption that they aren't old enough.

I have a friend who lives in Georgia. She is on another message board I frequent. She claims that she doesn't allow her son to play games that are rated T or M which is total bullshit because he plays those games on XBox Live with my son on a weekly basis. She knows that he does too. Often her DH is on playing with them.

It's crazy, and I am not in the business of making sure every decision you have made for your child is parented the exact same way in my home. If your child is allowed to go to another parent's home, than you better have instilled in that child what their boundaries are because every home is not going to verify that it's okay if little Johnny watches Spongebob at your house.

However, if little Johnny says to me, "I'm not allowed to watch Spongebob," or "We don't watch that at my house." Then, we turn it off. Period.

[houseelf]

To make an assumption of a parenting decision is inappropriate. Period.

Word. This extends from letting kids play unsupervised in the vast back woods behind our platt to letting them watch Lord of the Rings. When DS was 8 he went to a slumber party where one of the parents let the kids play a teen rated war video game. I'm not a complete prude, but I'd least like to have had a heads up so that I could have talked with my son about it.

I didn't let my kids watch wholesome Veggie Tales at the age of five when a neighbor was over because I didn't know the parents' religious views. I'm all about calling the other parents when in doubt and giving them a heads up.

[peggyfromwastate]

It is hard with older teens. Everything is harder with them.

I'm less worried about the R rated movies at a *friend's* house than about if the mom's boyfriend is in the house stoned out of his mind...

Maybe we need a thread about *do you ban your teens from having certain friends if the friend's parents are... clueless losers?*

Sigh.

[Sheherezade]

It is hard with older teens. Everything is harder with them.

So, so true. No more black and white choices -- lots and lots of grey. I find myself fantasizing about the days when I could throw them in the stroller and go for a walk or tell them "because I said so" and not see that they know how wimpy that reasoning is.

Save your energy moms. You'll need it for the storms ahead.

Here, again, I think this differs with older children. It's easy to say, "no way," but until you have a 14-year-old friend in your home whose parents are unreachable, it's hard to say. It's a judgement call. Typically, I have just asked the kid, "Are you allowed to play games rated T or M?" At a certain age, those kids know what they are and aren't allowed to do, and I can't go calling every parent to verify if it is okay if their kid plays Halo at my house or can watch a PG-13 flick. I don't have the time. They know if it is or isn't appropriate, and they will face the consequences if there are any.

I agree with this. And I've had friends tell me my kids say "We're not allowed to do X, Y or Z" or ask to call me to ask permission. Some things I'm flexible on -- is Spongebob going to give them nightmares? No - go ahead. But will I let them play mature games? No way. To avoid the issue I usually say "You've got friends here - go PLAY. We're not going to sit in front of a TV or play a video game." Obviously that changes as kids get older. When Jacob had his birthday sleepover they got to watch Avatar -- and I asked the parents if that was okay (but I only have kids sleepover that belong to friends - I don't do playdates w/random classmates. It probably hurts my kids socially, but we are "different" enough around here that I don't feel comfortable having kids around / my kids at people's homes if I don't know the parents well. For example - on Saturday I had to interrupt a conversation where a neighbor kid told mine "People who believe in more than one God are BAD." *uh - Hinduism? and why the hell are we having a theological conversation in the 7 to 9 set anyway?*)

As to Kris' question: If I'd said "no" to the parents and then saw pics of my kids doing it -- I'd be furious. If my kids were somewhere where the parents know I don't allow M games, and they let them play, again - furious.

[PrincessFiona]

I
Maybe we need a thread about *do you ban your teens from having certain friends if the friend's parents are... clueless losers?*

Sigh.

Did this. Total failure. I just found out that my daughter was telling me she was at someone else's house, while actually being at banned friend's house.

SOB Why does it have to be so flippin' difficult with teens? Why did we ban the friendship? 1. Same parents with the ATV 2. History of poor behavior when the girls are together 3. Dad said that Thomas and I put money/success above our family and that they were in foreclosure and he's not employed, but at least he cares about his kids and 4. Same dad smokes pot and it managed to get into his daughter's hands and show up at a sleepover that Amanda went to this summer at their home.

Hold me someone...just writing this is sending shivers up my spine.

Amanda is grounded...She isn't getting her homecoming dress. Of course, this means her entire world is over and I'm the worst motthaaa evahh.

ugh.

kris

[peggyfromwastate]

there there Kris...

It's really hard.

[Pollyanna]

*do you ban your teens from having certain friends if the friend's parents are... clueless losers?

Yes, a thousand times yes. From the time our kids were in preschool our motto has always been, "tell me who you are with and I will tell you what you are doing". We have discussed it a lot. Had children hang out with trouble makers in school and then get in trouble themselves, a simple guilt by association. It makes an impact and a light bulb of , "oh, my folks do know what they are talking about". Plus our kids are busy, over-scheduled some might say. Seriously, there is very little time to hang with losers when you have a 17 hour day (yes, you read that right). The younger children are busy too, they each have one day a week that would be considered "free" for playdates so we typically only get together with friends a few times per year. This works for us because they LOVE their extracurriculars and would happily give up playdates. This system is designed in that they are required to do extracurriculars, they can do anything they want, but they have to do something they love. We also don't live in a traditional "neighborhood" so there is no chance of someone coming to knock on the door to play and I don't need to navigate neighborhood politics, etc. which makes my job soooo much easier.

There is definitely more gray area with the teen set and with other parents. It was easy when the children were toddlers and everyone agreed on various safety issues etc. Parenting styles become so much more diverse as the children get older and someone who you were always on the same page with will have a completely different philosophy once there child hits high school. It's very interesting to me.

[peggyfromwastate]

When the kid isn't a trouble maker but has the bad luck of a parent who is selfish to the extreme, it's very hard to say you can't hang with that kid... When the kid starts to get in trouble of their own merit, we do keep her away as much as we can (like the boyfriend who at age 14 was a total pothead. He got his weed fr dear ol dad. ). Kate has had a few really nice friends
with total loser parents. It's really hard. If my parents didn't let me interact w kids whose parents were irresponsible, I never wouldve married dh.

It's just very complex. I agree to keep your kids busy, mine are scheduled to the hilt, but... I haven't attempted to ban any friends outright and if I did that I think it would backfire on me. Even the druggie x boyfriend- he calls her cel, age tells ms about it and she only will talk to him when he's not stoned. That's the rule she established herself...