Talking to a wall

[Ladybug122]

That's what it's like sometimes trying to get my 4 1/2 year old to LISTEN to me. I'm talking short, simple commands. A typical morning at my house...

"J, put your shoes on." (repeat 6 times)
"J, time to brush your teeth." (repeat 8 times)
"J, we have to go, you're going to be late for school" (repeat 4 times then...)
"NOW!!!!!!" (me yelling)

And on, and on, and on.
Every freakin' day.

So sooner or later, I start to yell. I never considered myself a "yeller" until the last 2 years or so. It irritates me when other people yell, so I can imagine hearing me raise my voice is no picnic. I even hate hearing MYSELF yell. Unfortunately, after making repeated requests with no result, that is the path I end up taking.

I even give him short instructions and ask him to repeat them to me and most of the time, he can't! Aaarrggh! I'm sure this is not abnormal for his age, etc, but nonetheless it is annoying the crap out of me. I need to find a better way, yelling is annoying to everyone (including me) and most of all, doesn't really work. It does, however, get me in a ticked off mood...

So I am reaching out once again to my favorite group of moms and dads...help!

[GrayMatterWife]

We used a star chart for a while, and it really helped. Every morning, he was responsible for placing a star on the chart by each responsibility, as he accomplished it. I don't know what it is with kids and stars, but it really worked. Kids love stars.

[Ladybug]

Totally normal behavior (both him and you).

I struggled tremendously with this with my first child. It took me a while to readjust my idea of normal and expectations. Now I know that I'm going to repeat "get dressed, get dressed, get dressed" like I have some kind of tick each morning. I had to double the amount of time I thought it would take to get out of the house with a child that could technically dress themselves. I routinely (and purposefully) walk by the girls' room in the morning to repeat "get up, get up, get, GET MOVING. Put your socks on, where are your socks, WHERE ARE YOUR SOCKS?" Yes, technically they can dress themselves, but unless I break out the cattle prod it takes them longer than when I dressed them myself. The mornings I yell are the mornings that I haven't given us enough time. I mostly avoid yelling by making sure I give us enough time. It's maddening. It's normal.

I hear that by the time they are able to dress themselves competently the clothing choices becomes the battle and you wish you could still dress them...

[Michele]

Huh.....here I thought my kid was weird...I have to repeat everything and usually end up yelling if I haven't budgeted my patience. So when does it get better? Daegan just turned 4 so.....maybe I'll try a chart. I like that idea.

[diggitydot]

DS as just FINALLY stopped this. He's 8.

Granted, he's been diagnosed ADHD and *just* started meds. Which have helped a ton. Totally age appropriate for 4, though.

[DCJenn]

Dealing with it at six, every day. In fact, this morning I told him that starting tomorrow I was no longer going to be a mom that yells. If he's late for school, then he'll have to go explain to Mrs. Rosales why he's getting a tardy slip. This is no longer going to be my problem.

J.

[mommax3]

Normal but maddening. Reward charts work for some....definitely worth a try! Another idea....a chart with the things that have to be accomplished listed in chronologically, with target times for each task to be completed if you want to get that detailed. Also, a reward for being "ready", however you define that, however many days in a row might help. Good luck!

[MDPhDWife]

Same exact thing here w/ my 6 y/o, not so bad with my 8 y/o. I recently started giving out stars for various things 1 of which is getting COMPLETELY ready & at the bus stop on time. The stars can then be used to "buy" things out of a catalog. The catalog has things like TV, wii, computer time, special treats from the store, mom/dad date, mani/pedi from mom, having one of their chores done for them, etc. We sat down w/ them & gave them input on what to include in the catalog since we figured they would know best what they're willing to work for. Of course we set the prizes in the catalog!

Good luck, it's a frustrating time!

That's how I felt at the 3.5 to 4 year old stage.
I FINALLY feel like some sort of normalcy is taking over at my house now that the kids are a bit older (4.5, 6.5 and 7.5) but I felt like I was turning into some kind of monster at one point. And even *I* was getting tired of hearing my own voice!!
Hang in there... eventually they get it right!?

We are still going through this and mine is 8. So when you get it figured out please let me know.

[DCJenn]

Well, Experimental Day One went well. I laid out all of his clothes the night before. After he finished breakfast (during which time I announced, "I am telling you one time to finish up and then I'm telling you one time to go get dressed") I prompted him and set the timer for 15 minutes. He needed to be fully dressed with teeth brushed, shoes on and jacket in hand when the buzzer rang or the dogs and I were going to leave without him. and he was! I didn't have to raise my voice ONCE. So, tomorrow will tell if today was a one-off.

J.

[HouseofWool]

Woohoo Jenn - I hope it isn't a fluke!

[Ladybug122]

Thanks for all the advice (and agreement!) re: my complaints. Sometimes I feel like one of those dolls that repeat a phrase when you pull a string..."Put your shoes on, We're going to be late, Brush your teeth, Where's your backpack?, No, you can't watch TV now.." etc, etc, etc.
Anyway, I think that allowing us more time in the morning is definately key to allieviating the problem, unfortunately I work 2nd shift and don't get to bed until 12:30-1am 3 days a week and am just to *** tired to fly out of bed at 6am...bleh. But, I guess a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
So thanks everyone for (once again) making me feel better!

Totally normal behavior (both him and you).

I struggled tremendously with this with my first child. It took me a while to readjust my idea of normal and expectations. Now I know that I'm going to repeat "get dressed, get dressed, get dressed" like I have some kind of tick each morning. I had to double the amount of time I thought it would take to get out of the house with a child that could technically dress themselves. I routinely (and purposefully) walk by the girls' room in the morning to repeat "get up, get up, get, GET MOVING. Put your socks on, where are your socks, WHERE ARE YOUR SOCKS?" Yes, technically they can dress themselves, but unless I break out the cattle prod it takes them longer than when I dressed them myself. The mornings I yell are the mornings that I haven't given us enough time. I mostly avoid yelling by making sure I give us enough time. It's maddening. It's normal.

I hear that by the time they are able to dress themselves competently the clothing choices becomes the battle and you wish you could still dress them...

Annie! LMAO!! I have to say I laughed out loud when I read this!!!

I don't have children but had a strong hand in my nephew. We did the chart with stars or stickers...it really helped to have him visualize what he needed to do with a fun reward of placing the sticker on the spot...and getting a reward at the end of the week if he had a percentage of stars. It didn't last too too long, but he recognized the pattern of events to do, and eventually starting learning to do them on his own. goo stars!!

[DCJenn]

I would like to add that the ONLY creature in my house who listens to me is my dog. My male dog. My female dog is a bitch in every sense of the word.

Jenn