Sick at School- What do you do?

[peggyfromwastate]

Your school is lucky to have you!!

I felt lame because I didn't want to pick her up mostly because of nap time-- and because a stomach ache with no other symptoms wasn't really compelling enough for me to come to school to get her... But I trust our nurse to let me know if she got worse, or if she thought the symptoms were more serious, and I told Iz and the nurse that if she didn't feel *better* after recess was over to call again and I'd get her.

Anyway, she kept talking about how *bad* the stomach pains were when she got home. So IDK, maybe next time I'll go get her right away... She hadn't eaten anything at school, just breakfast a few hours earlier. Oh well...

[peggyfromwastate]

ARRRGH! Sigh.

JUST dropped Izzy off. Just 10 minutes ago. And I get a call from the nurse because Iz came to the nurse's station because she *threw up*. She coughed up some phlem in a tissue. Grrr.

I talked to Iz this morning-- She ate 2 bowls of cereal, perfectly normal, a tiny little cough but her cold is much better than it was yesterday.

I talked to her on the phone from the nurses office and told her to go back to class, to not go to the nurse unless she's really sick.... And if she keeps going there today I'm gonna get her and she's going to bed for the rest of the day because she's "so sick".

[HouseofWool]

Today C was complaining about a stomach ache again. I know that there is something going around here. It was at my sister's house last week and now it is here. I felt queasy enough on Sunday to actually lay down and try to take a nap. (Okay, a man-nap. Watching the football game.) I am still not 100%, so I know he isn't faking. But, I sent him off to school with the caveat that if he calls and is feeling crummy later in the day, I will come and get him. But that he will be in bed reading, if he comes home sick. We shall see if he calls or not.

[DCJenn]

The only time the dude has gone to the nurses office it was because they thought he had chicken pox because of all of the mosquito bites on his face...no bumps any where else though. So, I avoided her calls because I knew she was going to insist that I come and get him. She's a nurse who probably ought to have retired about 10 years ago. Everything is a crisis. In the meantime, if he actually WAS sick, I'm not sure that he'd even tell me. There have been far too many days when I discover after the fact that he's feverish. It's that hardy Siberian constitution, I guess.

J.

[Ladybug]

Oh Peggy,

My gut is that Iz is trying to get your attention. She's seen her brother get a lot of adult attention through health issues and she might think it could work for her too. I'm sure it's hard to get mom's attention in such a busy house too. I speak from experience. It's definitely time to dig deeper. I'd try to find some time to take her out alone and talk. I'd approach her gently so that she can hopefully open up about what's going on. Maybe it's your time/attention she wants. Maybe there is a bullying issue. Maybe she's feeling anxious about a particular subject/expectation. She might not be able to verbalize all this but I'd start talking to her and setting up a regular Iz and Mom time that she can look forward to. I'd ask the nurse if Iz has mentioned anything. I'd ask her teacher what she thinks. After you've figured out what is at the root of this behavior I'd also give her some tools to work with. Some questions to ask herself before going:

Is my teacher teaching right now?
Do I need to throw up? Am I bleeding? Do I have diarrhea? You should interrupt your teacher for any of these things and see the nurse quick.
All other problems can wait until recess, lunch or after school, which ever comes first.

Give Iz a copy of these questions. Go over some scenerios with her. Give both her nurse and teacher a copy, and when Iz asks to visit the nurse the teacher can ask Iz if she's asked herself her questions first. This will help her internalize this process of discernment. Have the nurse ask her the questions too when she comes and help her recognize when and why it's appropriate to visit the nurse's office.

I suspect some alone time with Mom will be a miraculous cure. She needs to learn how to tell you this without being "sick" and to recognize how she's impacting her classmates, teacher and nurse at school.

[peggyfromwastate]

Thanks for that-- Good pointers.

I know she doesn't get enough attention. She gets the least attention of all the kids. She's the middle, doesn't give me much trouble, and pretty much just does what she's supposed to do. Kate gets attention because she's a teenager and she takes it, and when she's talking I stop and listen... Steven obviously has lots of dr appts and now swim team which pulls one of us away for hours at a time-- not every weekend, but it's enough to be noticed. Luke gets attention bc he's just rotten. Josie gets attention because she's so dang cute...

Anyway, I know I need to set up special time. Whenever I do anything like this, I end up having to set it up for everyone though. I don't know... Maybe I can just take Izzy shopping or something like that. We've never ever done that. Can you imagine? She's 9.

Yes, I suck. I really do.

[Pollyanna]

Yes, I suck. I really do.

No you don't, not at all!!! It's so hard with a big family and an absentee husband. Letting kids stay home for a "snow-day" allows me some one-on-one time with each of them (of course the baby is still here). It works out to be the easiest solution for us because it is not something I have to schedule and honestly, how much do they miss in k-8?

If it makes you feel any better I almost never cook/bake with the kids. I always feel bad about it but when I try everyone wants to do everything and I can't really kick people out of the kitchen. It's hard, it just is. You're awesome Peggy.

[Ladybug]

You do not suck!!!! I'm going through the a similar thing with Lucy right now. It's easy for me to expect her to be the most independent because she's the oldest and I'm up to my neck in little bitty ones. She's been acting out and I asked her teacher what she thought was going on. Long story short her teacher said Lucy started crying and saying that I never have time to help her because I'm always busy with Jude and Julia and she just can't do it by herself yet. Ugh. Carve my heart out with a dull spoon. I'm not trying to hijack, just share your challenges. We ALL struggle with this issue and it's never really fixed. As soon as one kid is doing well the other decides it's his or her turn to take a spin the Mommy spotlight. I think taking her shopping or having a "snow" day is great, and I don't think you have to set it up with ever kid. It's an executive decision based on everyone's individual needs. Because she's so easy going she might *need* this. Enjoy the time with her. OMGosh, is she really 9??

[peggyfromwastate]

She is 9... It's crazy.

She's got a teacher who loves giving math homework this year too. Loves loves loves homework! Poor Izzy works on math for at least 1 hour a night, which means she usually misses out on the fun stuff (wii time, computer games, just reading for fun!). Steven's teacher doesn't give much homework, on the other hand... It's frustratiing...

I'll have to schedule something in... I think I can do it.

[peggyfromwastate]

OK... So it's Thursday, and guess who went to the nurse's station again? This time Izzy fell at recess, hurt her collarbone but didn't want to go to the nurse's station because she thought she'd get in trouble. She's so literal- I told her to only go when she was *really sick* or *really needed help* and I gave her examples (diarrhea, vomiting, very nauseated, dizzy). Apparently I left out injured because her friends had to bring her in to the nurse...

Anyway, after observing for about 10 minutes, she was fine, so said the nurse... Sigh.

And of course recess is during nap time, so I can't just run up to the school without ruining the rest of the day. I just have to trust that she IS ok, but if she's in a lot of pain she may not think she is supposed to go to the nurse.

I wish she would've called so I could have talked to Izzy this time-- the nurse called after Iz was back in class.

Pollyanna, I'll take that snow day now. Maybe on Friday. It's a half day at school anyway, and Mac has the day off too!!!

[Ladybug]

Sounds perfect! Are your kids home tomorrow too?

[peggyfromwastate]

The kids have half days- there are conferences in the afternoons. Mac gets Veterans day off and the day after too- it's a bonus *training day*. He lucked out!

I think I will take Iz to lunch on Friday and then we can do some shopping and start working on planning her "birthday" party. It will be her 9.5 year old party actually. We didn't have time to do it in the summer and I didn't want to hold a party while Mac was away, so we're going to do it now. She said she was OK with it, but I know that it's been worrisome to her to not have had her party yet- Steven had his... We literally did not have a weekend in which to hold the party. Sigh. Poor Izzy...

[houseelf]

Just have to butt my nosy little self in here and say that you ARE a great mom. You have a large family. Seriously, three overwhelm me and I feel like I can't meet everyone's needs. I have similar feelings with two less kids AND a larger age gap. Be good to yourself, Peggy.