"friend" trouble

[Ladybug122]

Once again, I am asking my favorite group of moms/dads for help. DS is 5. He is a very happy, outgoing, extremely friendly and social kid. Loves playing with other kids. When I pick him up from school, if the weather is nice kids/parents usually stick around the schoolyard for a while and let the kids run around and play. Anyway, today I noticed DS wandering around the schoolyard alone (I was distracted for a couple of minutes with DD) and I called him over to me. I could tell he was upset. He told me that another child from his class told him he didn't want to be his friend. According to DS he said "You know, I'm not your friend." To which DS laughed because he didn't really know what he meant. The other kid then said "I mean it. I don't want to be your friend." Needless to say, DS was crushed and confused.

As a parent, I just feel so bad for DS. I told him not to worry about it and that I'm sure this kid will want to be his friend again soon. I guess this kid also said that he thought DS "laughed too much." Of course, I told him that was ridiculous and that everybody loves his laugh and that means he's happy. I'm sure this will blow over quickly, I mean the kids are only 5 after all. This is our first experience with "friend" issues.

Any advice on anything else I should mention to DS? I don't want to make a big deal of it, but I don't want him to feel this is his fault, etc.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Just hugs for everyone

[Phoebe]

Sorry your son Has to go through that. All three of my kids have experienced the same thing. My youngest is in a 3 year class at school and all the girls use this phrase. The teachers put up a kindness tree where the kids put their name when they are being nice and take off if they aren't nice.

I think it is normal, unfortunately. I role-played with my kids to give them ideas. The kids that said those type of things were their friends the next week. You might try to set up a play date for your son outside of class.

[Chrisada]

DS who is 4 just told me the same thing yesterday. He said his best friend H, decided he didn't want to be his friend at some point during the day but later changed his mind. It's normal for kids this age to say that when they are frustrated or upset at their friend. I explained that to DS and told him that his friend did not mean it. DS also knows that he on the other hand, is not to say this to his friends period. Hugs though. It's tough.

[diggitydot]

The best advice I can give is to encourage him to think (and even respond to the other kid), "Wow. That makes me kinda sad, but it's your loss," and to walk off and go play with someone else.

It's a power trip for the other kid, nothing more.

[houseelf]

Um, just commiseration here. We're going through the same sort of thing here with the 11 and 6 y.o.

[Ladybug]

I take DD back to the definition of friend ask her if the "friend" was acting like a friend. You can't be a friend unless you act like a friend. However people can apologize and be friends when they are ready to act like a friend. I talk about how the words made her feel and ask her to remember this when she's using her words...especially with her sisters.