The Homework Battle!

[Pollyanna]

I am just going to make a couple points. First, I think your letter is well crafted, well thought out, and makes excellent points. That said, I would be bowled over if it is received in a positive manner and my guess is that it will become the joke of the month in the teachers lounge. I know you don't care about that but I can tell you that if you get on the bad side of certain teachers and administrators in a school system your kids have the potential to be screwed all the way through high school. Our district is very upity and have zero tolerance for parents who question their ways. I have sat in on district FFO meetings and you don't want to be "that family" that is brought up, just trust me, it's not worth it. They can make sure your kid is in the wrong math, language, etc. So tread softly if you plan on staying in the district.

I have no patience for busy work either but it's part of the game. When the kids had cut and paste stupidity I used to do the cutting just to speed things up. Now that they are older they just have to do it. Our 4th grader dances 8 hours per week and also has softball which is about 6 hours per week, plus sibling activities. That doesn't leave a lot of down time (or sleep time) but she wants the activities, we expect all the children to be at their siblings games, etc. whenever possible and they have to do their homework. I don't help them and they get the grade they get. But if they choose to do poorly in school then they don't get extracurriculars so that is a good motivation for our children. One of the only B's DD17 has on her high school transcript was in geography. It was a super easy class and she should have had an A but she felt like the organization system the teacher wanted her to create was not as good as her system. While that might have been true she chose not to do what was asked of her and in return lowered her GPA because of it. Kids have to learn to suck it up and deal with stupidity, it's part of life.

I'm in agreement that most elementary school homework has little value but I don't think it's a battle that will be won. I have lots of issues with the school system but I don't have access to a private K-8 that I think is worth the money and I am not interested in homeschooling so I figure it's my job to navigate the system as it is set up the best I can.

[Pollyanna]

In fact, I went to lunch with a group of moms last week who are unhappy that their grammer school aged kids don't get enough homework. They think their kids are not being challenged at school.

Lol MrsK, when you start to go to curriculum nights at your sons schools you will notice three groups of people: the folks who think their brilliant children are not being challenged, the folks that are worried about little Johnny being overwhelmed, and the folks rolling their eyes and looking at their watches. We stopped going to those meetings, think HUGE waste of time. If I have a question I will email the teacher directly.

[MissCrabette]

I think MrsK, Shakti, and Pollyanna have made some great points, so I won't repeat what they said. Similarly to what Pollyanna mentioned, I would encourage you to consider the negative effects this could have on Alexia. I'd hate for her to get caught in the middle and suffer. Think about how it would feel for her to stand out and be labeled as "the child whose mom is a troublemaker." People will talk, and it will trickle down to her little friends. Kids can say some pretty hurtful things.

I understand you want the best for your daughter, but I personally see this as residency. Keep your head down and get through it as best as you can. If that's not good enough, then perhaps homeschooling or private school would be good alternatives.

[peggyfromwastate]

Put me in the looking at my watch rolling my eyes crowd Tara! I always tell dh after going to one of these things that if ppl would just stop telling anecdotes and hogging the mic these things would take 5 min. I suspect that's the rule in most aspects of life though. (board meetings, etc etc)

[PrincessFiona]

I think this is such a layered issue. I'm with Tara in terms of how I handle this stuff ...

Sandy, unfortunately, it isn't just about signing (though I really question why the schools treat parents like children who need to be taught how to take care of their children instead of the allies that they really are in the educational process). Our district had some issues last year with inducing anxiety in some of the young children. They actually had to revisit the homework policy because of it. Interestingly, one of my friends has a child affected by it and she (PTA member, etc, etc) continued to support the clustermunch of homework despite the fact that her son became so anxious that he was crying, not sleeping well and was pacing in their home mumbling. She later found out that he was mumbling his phonograms that he had to memorize.

I don't just have to sign the reading minutes. My son is required by the school to read out loud to me and I am required to fill out the pages that he read, the title of the book, and any words he might have stumbled on. Sometimes I just don't have time for it. This isn't because I'm out pole dancing and drinking at the bars ... I'm just a really busy mom. They have weekly spelling tests at this age (7) and you have to go over them every night and help them memorize them even though the research on the subject shows that at this age there is no benefit in regards to applying these memorized words to being able to spell them. LOL. It's too early. He is not allowed to pick out a book he enjoys that is below his tested reading level. I question the assignment of reading levels. I find that he has tested higher than his actual ability level and so it is just an exercise is frustration. There is a reason that he went from reading at the Montessori and loving it to hating reading ... and it mirrors my other son's experience exactly.

My concerns about the dreaded math buddies/math homework so far have not born out. I did contact the teacher and explain that because of my husband's work schedule that I am the only one here doing dinner, baths, bedtime etc most nights and so I would be unable to help Aidan every night. I asked for her understanding and she was willing (in writing) to give me some wiggle room. That being said, yesterday, Aidan came home and said "My teacher said you HAVE to watch me do this mom. You HAVE to. She told me to tell you." I happened to have the time and I watched him while I folded laundry.....he didn't need the help....

In case you are wondering though, math really has CHANGED. You can't teach your kids the tricks you learned. Example: In multiplication, they now are taught to do it horizontally instead of vertically....this for long division too. I got A's in math through Calculus, so I'm capable ... but I don't get how they are doing this (or the benefit) and my kids don't want to learn my way (very simple tricks) because they are not permitted to do it in class.

But that brings me to a different issue, which is the pressure placed on the kids to conform. That is the reason that I can never outlaw anything and why I do try to balance my needs/time with what the school asks of me. In the one case where I was not willing to bend to the demands of the district, I did pull my daughter and homeschool her (great choice for both of us).

Let me give you an example of the assignments that my children have had between grades 1-5.

~All assignments are to be typed after 3rd grade. This means helping your child work with Microsoft word and figure it out.
~Multiple power point projects in 4th and 5th grade. No seriously. My children could NOT do this alone.
~Inventor's Fair (4th grade) required. This involved me helping him to research the topics and come up with ideas/brainstorm how to implement them and come up with test scenarios. This was a project completed entirely outside of the classroom, with NO help from the teacher after he handed out the informational packets. This was a crazy project and at the end of the day, I let my son do all of the work. You had to have a functioning MODEL for this! We then had a fair where the judges were other parents. In case you are wondering, my son was the ONLY child that had a poster that didn't look like it had been done by an adult. All of the functioning models were pristine. He didn't come close to placing even though his idea was a good one (and we actually saw it sold in a store last year!!!!!! Damn ... we should have patented it!). No child completed theirs...it was a parent project.

Hmmm....6th-8th grade favorites?

~ Picture book of MN where you had to use each letter of the alphabet to draw a picture of something in MN that started with that letter (6th grade). This had to be hand-drawn and colored (for social studies). My son had fine motor issues and has had OT. He is a terrible, awful drawer. Dreadful. He failed the assignment and had to re-do it because the teacher felt the drawings weren't quality enough. He really had worked on them. I know this because I sat at the table with him for many, many nights. Guess who re-drew/colored the assignment and got a B? That's right. Yours truly.

~Multiple video assignments where my son was to make videos/movies about different books he read. This involved the purchase of sort of spendy conversion software because we just couldn't figure out how to get things to convert with the sound intact. We had to work through video editing software. He wrote the scripts, got the friends/classmates to participate in his video ... I had to video everything ... help him with the conversion. It was so frustrating that I even cried a couple of times.

There is actually a reason that a lot of us who have the opportunity to work at jobs where we could be well-respected and earn a nice income ... don't. There are many lawyers on here....a neuroscientist....a lot of smart men and women.... It is almost impossible to work at a demanding job and have a child in school if you plan on being involved in your child's life and encouraging their success. I am being bare bones honest: the reality is much harder than I ever thought it would be.

I know that there are members here who thought some of us with older kids were whinging about parenthood or just maybe weren't good enough moms ... and they had kids and their kids bit or hit or wouldn't sleep or whatever ... and they started to realize that the idea of parenthood is often different than the practice! It's sort of the same with school.

Sure ... have them pile on the busywork to teach them (and you) responsibility...because trust me, they are training you too. But then don't be surprised when the help that they need extends beyond 10 minutes....expect at least an hour, even if you are tired from working, have strep, need to do laundry and you are so exhausted you just can't think.

Kris

[poky]

I think this is such a layered issue.

Sandy, unfortunately, it isn't just about signing (though I really question why the schools treat parents like children who need to be taught how to take care of their children instead of the allies that they really are in the educational process). Our district had some issues last year with inducing anxiety in some of the young children. They actually had to revisit the homework policy because of it. Interestingly, one of my friends has a child affected by it and she (PTA member, etc, etc) continued to support the clustermunch of homework despite the fact that her son became so anxious that he was crying, not sleeping well and was pacing in their home mumbling. She later found out that he was mumbling his phonograms that he had to memorize.

I don't just have to sign the reading minutes. My son is required by the school to read out loud to me and I am required to fill out the pages that he read, the title of the book, and any words he might have stumbled on. Sometimes I just don't have time for it. This isn't because I'm out pole dancing and drinking at the bars ... I'm just a really busy mom. They have weekly spelling tests at this age (7) and you have to go over them every night and help them memorize them even though the research on the subject shows that at this age there is no benefit in regards to applying these memorized words to being able to spell them. LOL. It's too early. He is not allowed to pick out a book he enjoys that is below his tested reading level. I question the assignment of reading levels. I find that he has tested higher than his actual ability level and so it is just an exercise is frustration. There is a reason that he went from reading at the Montessori and loving it to hating reading ... and it mirrors my other son's experience exactly.

Oh, I totally get this; I was just reacting to the specific call-out in Heidi's letter of tracking reading being frivolous - I was just saying that I think *if* there wasn't any other busy-work, that tracking reading might be something that could have been compromised on, maybe (but that may just be my bias toward reading, too). I do get that it's NOT all there is, in most cases.

[PrincessFiona]

Lol MrsK, when you start to go to curriculum nights at your sons schools you will notice three groups of people: the folks who think their brilliant children are not being challenged, the folks that are worried about little Johnny being overwhelmed, and the folks rolling their eyes and looking at their watches. We stopped going to those meetings, think HUGE waste of time. If I have a question I will email the teacher directly.

LOL. So true. I love it when you go and the teacher is giving their presentation and parents raise their hand to ask about "gifted math options", etc. I usually end up playing on my cell phone for the meetings ... if I go anymore.

[PrincessFiona]

Oh, I totally get this; I was just reacting to the specific call-out in Heidi's letter of tracking reading being frivolous - I was just saying that I think *if* there wasn't any other busy-work, that tracking reading might be something that could have been compromised on, maybe (but that may just be my bias toward reading, too). I do get that it's NOT all there is, in most cases.

Oh ... I know you know! I'm ok with tracking reading... I just wish their was more flexibility about book choice.

I do sometimes have my kids stop at some point if homework is dragging on too long and then I will email the teacher and let them know...that is usually well-received.

[PrincessFiona]

Jenn, homeschooling Amanda with all of its challenges has been easier in many ways than sending her to school ... and she is making great progress finally!

[peggyfromwastate]

I have done that too Kris-- when izzy is crying after working on the same blasted assignment for 1 hour I have to make her stop. She is not a kid who is ok withnot finishing something. When I email the teacher and tell her of the stress this is causing the teacher is usually understanding.

[Ladybug]

Heidi, I don't think it would be prudent to send the letter, but i do think you should search for a a school more in line with your educational philosophies and a better fit for your children and family.

[fluffhead]

I agree about not sending the letter.
My 7 YO brings home alot of "busy" work - I think the teachers are worried that we'll assume the kids aren't doing anything in school if they have no HW. But he's usually done in about 20 minutes.
My 9 YO gets crazy amounts of silly HW. She's very conscientious about completing it, and sometimes I make her stop and write her a note. It gets ridiculous sometimes.
This said, as a teacher, if I got a letter like that, I'd think it was kind of condescending. I'd probably talk trash about you to the other teachers. Well not YOU specifically, but you know....

[Momo]

Yikes...she mentioned earlier that she sent it!!!!!

So Heidi, have you gotten a call or a reply?

[PrincessFiona]

Did she? Ruh Ro! LOL Heidi, I hope it was well received and that you had a chance to talk to the teacher.

Kris

[ides]

I understand you want the best for your daughter, but I personally see this as residency. Keep your head down and get through it as best as you can.

I'm sorry but elementary school is not residency & just keeping your head down & working hard does NOT guarantee that your child or SO resident will not be singled out & targeted.

Rant over.