Birthday Parties

[Ladybug122]

So, it seems that kindergarten = birthday parties. DS has been invited to a bunch, and it has gotten to the point where we somtimes have to choose which ones to attend, as they tend to interfere with weekend plans, etc. Anyway, DS goes to a small Catholic school. 24 kids in his class, one class each grade. Everybody knows everybody. A very nice community, actually. Anyway, the birthday parties he has been invited to and we have attended have invited the whole class. DS has never had a "friend" birthday party and has been begging for one all year. DH and I agreed and we are planning a bowling birthday party. Do you think we should invite the whole class? I know not everyone will come, etc. I don't necessarily *want* to invite 23 other children (plus two friends outside of school) but it seems to be how the other birthday parties have gone. I don't want to hurt feelings. Advice? What are birthday parties like in your neck of the woods?

As a side note, I explained to DS that we are not doing a party like this every year. Maybe every couple.

Lastly, we are doing a bowling party with 1 hr of bowling, then cake, and it's over. Nothing fancy.

[SuzySunshine]

Do you have a way to send out invitations without handing them out at school? At A's school the policy is if you hand them out at school you have to invite everyone. A has been invited to, and attended, 3 parties this year for her classmates. They have all been low key but we did not let her have one this year. I've told her she can have a BIG party next year for her 5th. I will probably live to regret that.

I think a bowling party like that sounds like fun but 25 kids plus the birthday boy sounds like a ton!

If you do have addresses can you maybe just invite the boys? Just thinking of ways to decrease the list.

[Deebs]

Here, the kindergarten birthdays have been the entire class. We did bowling and I think 17 kids came (out of 21). A couple of moms stayed to help, which wasn't planned, but was a lifesaver because trying to help the kids while chasing my two year old was pretty tricky.

[Deebs]

It does also seem here that every child has a birthday party.

[Ladybug122]

Cheri, I'm wondering if a boys only party would be ok. The only piece that makes me hesitate is that he has been invited to a couple of girl parties and I don't want to hurt feelings. Apparently, birthday parties are a big topic of conversation at school so I'm sure the girls would get wind of it (even if I instruct DS not to talk about it). I agree that 26 kids sounds ridiculous. Hopefully a lot won't come (snowstorm? lol).

[Ladybug122]

Deb, thanks for your thoughts. Sounds like we have had similar experiences. FWIW, I can't even remember having a friend birthday party until I was older. I guess I'm a sucker.

[corn poffi]

I'm out of the loop on what kids like, but, as a five-year-old, I would not have been offended by not getting invited to a boys-only party. At that stage in life, boys were pretty disgusting to me. Haha

[diggitydot]

Our kids get a maximum of 4 friends to invite. That's it. After DD1's friends' parents using me as a babysitting service during sleepovers and not picking their kids up on time because they were at the movies, grocery shopping, or whatever else, I don't allow a shit ton of kids to be left at our house. And I get full veto rights over the list if there are little assholes on it. I want my kid to have a fun birthday, not be made to feel like they're odd-man-out at their own party.

Quite frankly, I don't have the patience to deal with a bunch of other people's kids. If they're really great kiddos, no problem. I just don't deal well with kids who have parents who are inconsiderate dickbags and inflict their equally inconsiderate brats on the rest of the world.

That said, I absolutely adore the kids' group of friends here. DD1, the teen, has some fabulous, funny, smart, snarky, caring, considerate, polite friends who are ALWAYS welcome in my home. Which isn't something I anticipated with teens.

[spotty_dog]

I'm planning to continue sticking to a reduced guest list. I think big parties are overwhelming for me and my birthday boy, not to mention expensive. It's tough when the trend is to invite everyone, but I just don't think it's age-appropriate.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

What about asking your DS how he would feel if there was a party he wasn't invited to?? (like an all-girls party)

How many kids have attended the other parties??

[ides]

I not quite there yet but I think I would require parents to stay for the party to supervise. I think its insane to expect one parent to manage a party alone with 20+ kids. I just wouldn't want to put one on!

[weeniegeniewife]

After DD1's friends' parents using me as a babysitting service during sleepovers and not picking their kids up on time because they were at the movies, grocery shopping, or whatever else, I don't allow a shit ton of kids to be left at our house.

This is happening to me right now. DD had a friend stay the night last night. When the mom dropped her off last night (in time to have dinner with us), she said: "I'll be back around 6pm tomorrow to get her; I have a whole bunch of stuff to do and won't be back until then." WTF?!? Whatever happened to picking your kid up right after breakfast after a sleepover? I would never do that to another parent.

[weeniegeniewife]

I not quite there yet but I think I would require parents to stay for the party to supervise. I think its insane to expect one parent to manage a party alone with 20+ kids. I just wouldn't want to put one on!

Even if you say that, people still just drop their kids off at parties and split. It's crazy.

[diggitydot]

This is happening to me right now. DD had a friend stay the night last night. When the mom dropped her off last night (in time to have dinner with us), she said: "I'll be back around 6pm tomorrow to get her; I have a whole bunch of stuff to do and won't be back until then." WTF?!? Whatever happened to picking your kid up right after breakfast after a sleepover? I would never do that to another parent.

Wow. That is some seriously ballsy bullshit. I think I'd make up an appointment. "Sorry, that won't work because we have to take DD to see her elderly great-grandfather tomorrow at 1:30p. You'll need to pick your kid up at noon so we can make it on time to visiting hours at the prison."

[Deebs]

Before we moved here, I always anticipated having a child per year of the child's age (like a 6 year old could have 6 guests). Unfortunately, because we moved, DD doesn't have a core group of friends, so I thought the easiest way to deal with it was to have everyone. Also, I LOVE watching a huge group of kids. Honestly, the only part that was annoying was keeping track of my younger 2 - the kindergarteners were a blast. DH thinks I'm crazy. He couldn't wait for the whole thing to be over. I honestly got home and thought, "I should open a place that does birthday parties." I love it that much. It just depends on what type of person you are. And, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to supervise other people's kids. Just know your own limits.