The talk

[peggyfromwastate]

We are big fans of that book Heidi-- we have LOTS of books around about puberty and reproduction.

Kate was soooo curious about it all and knew the whole thing at age 6. She knew about sex, puberty, etc. she just could not wait to grow up.

Isabel dies of embarrassment if I broach the subject at all. She studies her puberty books. I'm not sure how to approach it with her bc she's so ill at ease.

Steven age 10 is only looking forward to a "growth spurt" do that he'll be faster at swimming. Some boys his age already are starting puberty.

I'm woefully behind on this topic.

Sob.

[HouseofWool]

That looks like a great book, Heidi. Does anyone have any suggestions for something similar for boys?

[Sheherezade]

The American Girl library really does a good job with the books. We've had several and my daughter does consult them from time to time. I had a boy and girl puberty book ( I think usborne?) that were good guides. I'll have to see if I can dig them out.

At the young age talk - the first one - I think keeping it simple and clinical is the best approach. I remember both my kids were totally unfazed. We have a built in "sex ed" talk for boys and girls (separately) in a health unit at school. It happens in the fifth grade days before school ends. In high school, the health class has a very frank safe sex and STD unit. The class is elective (you can take a different health class) but I'm glad my kid took it. I feel it covers the bases that I may have missed as a parent -- since the subject matter is hard to broach sometimes and you end up mincing your message.

Now that they are 15 and 13, I'm finding I need a new level of "the talk". Whenever we see some couple try to rip each others clothes off in a romantic comedy or on TV or frankly - even in animated series like The Simpson - I mention offhand that "it doesn't work that way". I know I need to address the message they get from every stinking piece of media out there pushing half naked girls and casual hook ups.

Figuring out how is a little tricky. My daughter said to me the other night - when we were watching a relatively tame romantic comedy that had the couple claim they'd "take it slow" at dinner and then broke to a scene where he was tearing off his shirt *eyeroll* - "Gosh Mom, there like on their second date! That's not realistic...." Obviously, she's asking me what IS realistic. It's a very different talk in the teen years it's suddenly gone from adding to their base of knowledge to "news they can use". Yikes. I'm not sure all parents do a follow up - but I think they should.

[Sheherezade]

Here's the book I have for boys.

http://www.usborne.com/catalogue/cat...at=SFL&id=2195

[SoonerTexan]

Usborne books rock

[Momo]

I'm glad you all can attest to the fact that the American girl& Usborne books are good! Even though we discuss things openly& frankly, I think these will be nice compliments. Thanks

[BonBon]

Ladybug, this has been on my mind lately; I'm so glad you posted. We've been broaching the subject gently for years...we've talked about genes and DNA, and how each person is made up of one half of mom's DNA and one-half of dad's DNA to make a new and unique person. I recently told DS that his particular contributory cells are made in his testicles; he didn't seem too interested. It's been hard find a book that goes over the facts, has photographs instead of poorly drawn pictures and yet doesn't go into too much detail. (I would like to save the STD and abortion discussions for later...)

I look forward to checking out these book recs, thank you!! I am determined to be completely open with my kids about this stuff, because my parents were not.

[Ladybug]

Quick update:

I ended up going with the "God's Design for Sex" series. Lucy read the first two books and the second includes puberty and sexual intercourse contextualized as God's marriage present. I've been reading a lot of sex ed type books for my health class, but I thought this was nicely done for family discussions about the inherent goodness and gift of marital sex and families. Lucy's reaction was "I can't wait to be a grown up." No gross, ick, or anything like that. FYI, the adolescent book does include some contraceptive teaching although it does acknowledge that this is not a Roman Catholic teaching.

[BonBon]

*bump*

I've gotten the girls pretty much the entire AG library of books. They are really fantastic, and discuss all sorts of issues. One book, about how to have parties, has a ton of info about manners, ie how to treat the host, address your friends' parents, etc.

My kids know everything about how their bodies work, except for the final detail of intercourse. It's definitely time, but I can't seem to find a good book. I've seen some with explicit drawings that I feel are unnecessary. Or they delve into homosexuality (kids are already aware but don't need to know the particulars at this point), include abortion talk, etc. At this point, I would really like just a straight-up factual book that deals with the mechanics, and that it's a wonderful experience between two people who love each other. Ideas? Or should I write it myself?! We're going to discuss it of course, but I really want them to have a reference to refer to. I remember being quite mind-boggled when I found out. (by accident, I might add. My parents never said a word.)

[Pollyanna]

"Where Did I Come From" covers the entire sex act through getting pregnant and having a baby. Some people either find the pictures too cartoony or too pornographic (they are neither IMO). We have liked it for all our kids as a good starting point for talking about sex and baby making starting around 9-10 (depending on the kid).

[BonBon]

"Where Did I Come From" covers the entire sex act through getting pregnant and having a baby. Some people either find the pictures too cartoony or too pornographic (they are neither IMO). We have liked it for all our kids as a good starting point for talking about sex and baby making starting around 9-10 (depending on the kid).

Thank you! I was just checking that out but couldn't find any excerpts to look at.

[spaz]

Well, I'm a chicken so I let my husband handle the talk with the boys when they were about 12 or so. We do live on a farm with cows and so they do see things. They never asked any questions. We homeschool, so they are fairly sheltered.

My daughter, on the other hand, asked question from the womb... She would ask questions and would give an honest, but limited version. Which lead to more questions, etc. ( How does the sperm from the dad get to your egg?) I answered honestly with correct terminology. She also had the Care and Keeping of you book and that was very helpful as well. She is still very naïve... Last summer before she started 6th grade and went to the youth group, I took her on a little mother/daughter getaway and did the Passport to Purity program. We listened to CD's and then it had activities and a journal for her to fill out. We went to the American Girl store, Cheescake Factory and ice skating in between the discussions. We stayed at a hotel for a couple of nights. I liked it,but it is from a very conservative Christian outlook. We talked about peer pressure, how to pick friends,etc. What I really liked was making the plan for how far you want to go BEFORE you get into the situation and how to stay out of compromising situations. However, they advocated not even kissing until the wedding. I told her that I did not hold to that belief. But on the other hand, doing it too early could cause problem.. It was funny because that night we watched an episode of Full House and DJ and her boyfriend Steve were necking all the time. We talked about how if you are doing that at 13 is that ALL you would want to do at 18? Then I asked her when she thought she might want to get married and she said after college. I told her she might want to consider waiting to date seriously until college. We had some great talks..

Two funny things that relate to this subject. I kidnapped my hubby to a hotel for one night for his birthday. The kids were 17, 15 and 10 and I told them I would call after dinner and after that I only wanted to hear from them if someone was bleeding profusely. I called from the hotel while waiting for him to get there. (Slipped him the key in a card at dinner and left in my car.) My 15yo son says, "What are you going to do mom?" To which I burst out laughing and said "Son, don't ask what you don't want to hear an answer to." "No, mom, I know that,but what are you going to do?" I couldn't stop laughing because that was the only thing on the agenda. No movie or other activity was planned. He finally handed the phone to his sister.

Then another time 6 months ago or so.. I guess my daughter passed by our room to get something at night ( her bedroom is on the other side of the house.) and the next day she asked me if I was ok because I sounded like I was in pain.. ( Oh my...I guess I was a little louder than I thought....) I said, I was fine daddy was just giving me a massage. She brightened up because we will trade back massages. She said, oh I get it. ( I told you she was naïve..) Well, I guess she mentioned that to her older brother who started laughing and explained it to her.. ( I know this because I overheard a conversation they had with my oldest home from college.) Apparantly now he teases her when watching movies and says they are just going to get a massage. Unfortunately,now when I ask hubby for a back massage while we watch a movie a family, my younger two burst out laughing and now know why.... Ughhh... Hubby is clueless because I haven't told him what I overheard.

I think they have also figured out that we don't really sleep when we take our Sunday afternoon nap... Oh well, to me this is modeling a healthy sexual relationship, I guess.

[alison]

"Where Did I Come From" covers the entire sex act through getting pregnant and having a baby. Some people either find the pictures too cartoony or too pornographic (they are neither IMO). We have liked it for all our kids as a good starting point for talking about sex and baby making starting around 9-10 (depending on the kid).

I just re-read this book, because my parents read it to me when I was around 9. I think it'd just come out then.
I think it's great!