lying

[HouseofWool]

How do you handle it?

DS9 is killing me with the lying. It is astonishing to me the way that he is lying about stupid things like brushing his teeth. I ask him if he brushed them and he lies about it. Bald faced lies. He doesn't lie about big things though (thankfully).

Today, I told him that he is not allowed to ride to the library by himself after school because he lied to me (which he wanted to do today to get a jump on their summer reading program). He is crushed.

If he lies again, I will be taking him out of the baseball program he desperately wants to do. It will be a giant PIA do to the program because it is in the middle of the day half way across town, so it will eat into my ability to work.

I don't know how to get through to him that the behavior is unacceptable.

[diggitydot]

That's exactly how we've dealt with lying. They lose dearly wanted privileges.

[Pollyanna]

That's exactly how we've dealt with lying. They lose dearly wanted privileges.

Yep, us too.

[weeniegeniewife]

That's exactly how we've dealt with lying. They lose dearly wanted privileges.

Same here. The last time DD10 did it (and it was about brushing her teeth, too!), she lost major privileges and it scared her enough that it changed her behavior. I don't mess around with lying. You lie to me, there will be major consequences!

I know it sucks but I think you are handling it very well.

[ms.conception]

I'm with you. Must be an 8,9,10yr old thing (and i've heard it gets worse...). My almost 10yr old is in the thick of it, and when he gets caught, has a full on tantrum about it, how unfair I am etc...
I've just stopped losing my cool, or harping on the lying aspect - or even confronting him about it - and just calling him on it.

"I asked that you brush your teeth, you assured me you would. I can see that you haven't. As a result...." And I don't bend. Apparently i'm the meanest parent, the worst mother and the biggest jerk on the face of the earth.

I'm so tired of arguing, that I just say it like it is and let him sort it out and remind him that we have a zero tolerance for lying in our house.

xo

[HouseofWool]

So, school let out today at noon. When he got home I had the talk with him about if he gets caught lying just one more time then he loses baseball this summer. I think it hit him that I am not kidding. I kinda hope he does it so I can yank him from it. Then I have a whole list of jobs for him to do that I just don't have time for. I will be starting a "Job Jar" shortly for him.

[Thirteen]

So, school let out today at noon. When he got home I had the talk with him about if he gets caught lying just one more time then he loses baseball this summer. I think it hit him that I am not kidding. I kinda hope he does it so I can yank him from it. Then I have a whole list of jobs for him to do that I just don't have time for. I will be starting a "Job Jar" shortly for him.

You are my freaking hero. Seriously.


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[DCJenn]

My completely defiant child has been Amish for months and it didn't stop the lying. I have gone the opposite route (partially after reading the lying chapter in Nuture Shock) and I merely say, "you're lying. Go brush your teeth." The no drama reaction is so disappointing to him. It's funny. The studies that they cite in the book basically say that it's a developmental thing and they're going to do it. Their theory is that punishing just turns them into better liars so they don't get caught next time.

This response has been so much better for my mental health and he's really backed off the lying- or when he does it, he's mostly kidding knowing that I'll bust him anyway.

J

[HouseofWool]

My completely defiant child has been Amish for months and it didn't stop the lying. I have gone the opposite route (partially after reading the lying chapter in Nuture Shock) and I merely say, "you're lying. Go brush your teeth." The no drama reaction is so disappointing to him. It's funny. The studies that they cite in the book basically say that it's a developmental thing and they're going to do it. Their theory is that punishing just turns them into better liars so they don't get caught next time.

This response has been so much better for my mental health and he's really backed off the lying- or when he does it, he's mostly kidding knowing that I'll bust him anyway.

J

I can deal with the lying as kidding. That isn't a big deal.

Just as an update, the threat of taking away baseball this summer seems to have done the trick. All I have to do is give him the stink eye and he is instantly compliant. I kinda like the power. hehehe. Alas, once baseball is over, I will have to find a new threat.

[DCJenn]

That's the change- he used to lie about everything and finally when he'd lost TV, computer, nights out, all Legos, all trains and all cars I had nothing left. It's working so far. But hey, if losing baseball works then stick with it!

J.