When kids are sent home "sick"

[BonBon]

Today, we had yet ANOTHER episode. DD1 (2nd grade) went to the nurse today; nurse called and said she needed to be picked up even though she didn't have a fever or any other symptoms but that she "looked green." I was skeptical, but turned around (was halfway to school...an hour's drive) and picked her up. When I got there, the nurse said she was looking better, but still quite ill and needed to come home. DD hardly looked at me and wouldn't talk to me. I sent her to her room to go to bed, and lo! Guess who IS NOT SICK!

A month ago, the same DD went to nurse because she skinned her knee and couldn't walk, so the nurse wanted me to pick her up. Sorry, but I was on my way to take an exam, and I will NOT pick up a kid for a fricking boo-boo. (I also know DD, and I know damn well she could walk, which if the nurse examined her would have realized DD was FOS.) Last year, we got plenty of calls for pick-ups for this kid due to "stomach aches", for which they accused me of improper nutrition. Right. I'm probably one of the only moms at that place who feeds her kids whole foods.

We also had episodes last year where DD2 was sent home for a "swollen gland" 2 days in a row, in spite of no fever or other symptoms. Took her to ped to get a note to shut them up. The second day, the nurse gave me NO time to return her call; she just went down the list until she got someone to pick her up, which was MIL. I was LIVID because at that time I was a SAHM, and I didn't pick up because I was driving. When I called back less than 5 minutes later, that's when the nurse informed me that MIL was picking her up, she refused to call MIL back because she was too busy even though I was on the freaking highway, and she gave me holy hell demanding to know why DH doesn't pick up the phone. Holy monkey balls, yeah, he's going to step away from the open heart and take your call. Come. ON. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE KID ISN'T EVEN SICK!!

So for the multiple send-homes we've had over the years, the ONLY time a kid was actually sick was when the dude had H1N1. It's also the only time HE has ever gone to the nurse. I've had many talks with the kids, especially this year because I CAN'T just go pick them up. I don't mind at ALL missing school and having to make it up IF the kid is actually sick.

If you've made it this far, thank you! Has anyone else encountered this? Their last school had the kids chill for a while to see if they were actually sick. I've broached this with the health office at their current school already, but today they insisted she REALLY was sick. Should I march DD back in to school next time? What would you do? I have a recent rule that says if I have to pick you up from school it's straight to bed until the next day. I broke that today because DD was bouncing off the walls so I put her to work. (fold laundry and clean)

I'm just really frustrated because I can't miss school for BS like this!! I can't even think about what working moms go through.

[HouseofWool]

I am amazed!

Now, I have the kid who complains about every freakin' thing as if it is the end of the world and up until last year, he was the kid in the nurses office every day at the same time because he needed a break (from his anxiety). However our health aides (not nurses) clued into this right away and he never got sent home. I did get calls and talked to the aide, but she was always pretty good about making sure it wasn't an actual illness before sending them home.

That said, for my 9 yo, a day home from school is essentially Amish - no electronics, lying in bed reading. So, he has to be pretty miserable to want to stay home.

My guess is that your daughter is seeking attention to help cope with a perceived stress, be it academic or social. Can you talk to the nurse and see if there is a pattern that emerges, does she come in after the same class, is it at the same time of day.

[diggitydot]

Ugh. What a total PITA. The school nurse when we lived in AZ kept calling me to pick up DD2 after lunch recess because she "had a fever". Her temp was 99.9F and she'd *just* come inside from 110+F weather. That isn't a fever, dipshit.

When she told me DD2's temp, I just asked her if she meant that kiddo had an elevated temp, because that wasn't a fever. Then she said that DD2 "didn't have a fever, but didn't seem to feel well, either". Um, OK. Give her some water, let her cool down a little, and send her ass back to class. She's probably overheated. And just maybe consider NOT letting the kids to outside for recess when temps are so high.

Some people have no sense.

[peggyfromwastate]

My girls both went through phased of being frequent fliers in the nurses office. Luckily I lived 5 min from the school. Unluckily I was usually nursing or otherwise occupied. Luckily the nurse was awesome but was required to call me whenever a kid showed up. Unluckily if the kids said the magic words of "dizzy", "throw up" or "nauseous" they wanted her to come home regardless.

I would get angry w my girls for pulling this when I went in to see them and they were healthy. I told them time and time again --- Only if u r bleeding or actually vomiting do u go to the nurse. So of course dd fell one day and broke a bone (collarbone maybe?) and her buddies had to drag her to the nurse. I felt like the biggest idiot bc my kid was saying "I'm not bleeding and I'm not throwing up!! I can't go to the nurse or my mom will be so mad!!".

Oh well. We knew the nurse very well and she just laughed--- but being a hardass can backfire.

In your place I prob would have done what u did. Chores. No tv. Extra naps. Very boring to be home sick. It's so frustrating--- I feel your pain!!

[Momo]

Good gawd she doesn't sound like she's doing much nursing. At our school they only send home w/a fever or vomiting.

[GrayMatterWife]

Don't try to fix the nurse or fix them system. Fix your kid. Tell her that unless she can produce the 6Bs (blood, brain, , bowel, bone, or bile) she is PROHIBITED from going to the nurse and that if you get a trumped up call from the nurse's office, the real pain and suffering will start at home. My mom did that with me and it worked like a charm.

Edit: sorry about the weird "ing" emoticon. I didn't do that on purpose and have no idea how to get rid of it.

[DCJenn]

Our nurse is super hyper paranoid and calls for everything- which is why I on purpose avoided the calls when he was attacked by mosquitoes because I knew that she'd think "Chicken Pox" and freak out. I was right.

I would do the very boring at home routine myself. That's what my mother used to do and it was so very annoying.

J.

[Phoebe]

I agree with the boring stuff at home, too. Our nurse is really good and I have had lots of talks with her because of the lice incidents. My kids have never gotten sick at school and luckily like being at school better than being at home. They are frequent fliers though with picked scabs, lost teeth and muscle soreness from gymnastics practice. The nurse handles it well and just sends home notes.

[HouseofWool]

I forgot about the muscle soreness from judo and football at recess. *eyeroll*

Honestly, C is so BAD about all of this that the freakin' principle stopped me at conferences the other night to laugh about how C is always telling him about some new ailment. It is as if C is 90 years old and has to bitch about how bad everything is. He's a grumpy old man in a kid's body. Thankfully the staff gets that he is a frequent flier and that there isn't really anything wrong with him.

But let's combine a prior stroke and an anxiety disorder in the poor kid and send him off into the world. *sigh*

[MrsK]

Have you thought of bringing them back to school if they are not sick? My folks did that once and it made an impression on me.

[Deebs]

Last year, DD was sent home more than once for a "fever" of 99. She never asked to go to the office, but teachers in the hallway told her to go (the times I can think of she had substitute teachers). She's a kid who gets red when she plays hard, so she probably looked not that great, and then was hot! The last time it happened, I reminded the school nurse that DD's dad is a doctor and MEDICALLY, 99 is not a fever. Hasn't happened again.

[BonBon]

Oh gosh, I never updated. Thanks for the replies! I talked to her teacher about it, and we agreed that next time, I'm bringing her back. Deebs, I'm going to file away that nugget about the fever. I have picked up kids for 99 before, for which I rolled my eyes but did my parental duty. They're teaching kids to be wusses!!

Peggy, I've hopefully drilled it into them that broken bones are okay too. Yikes!!