Are your children aware of the news?

[HouseofWool]

I debated long and hard about telling DS10. There was no way I was going to tell DD3, it wouldn't even register for her.

C is my worrywort and I didn't want him to hear about this at school for the first time. Given everything that is going on for us personally, and the fact that his teacher likes to discuss current events he needed to hear about it from me. I left it really generic that there was a shooting by a young man at an elementary school and that there aren't a lot of details known yet. I haven't updated him yet with what has been released, nor do I intend to do so unless he asks.

I feel like we, as a family, are in a precarious spot. With his dad having mental health issues that are coming to a head right now, he is going to worry about these things excessively. In fact he is home from school today with a stomach ache. I don't know if it is viral (there is stuff going around right now) or emotional as a stomach ache is one of his major markers for stress.

[Ladybug]

We haven't told the kids yet. I needed some quiet time today to process it, and decide how to handle it. I'm not a big news/TV watcher so it wasn't hard to filter. The kids sang Skyfall obssessively, wrote fairy tales, choreagraphed dances, practiced piano and crocheted "scarves." Now mommy is going to sit you down and tell you whole classrooms full of very young children and teachers were senselessly murdered just a few hours away from here and I will decisively close the book on your childhood innocence and security. Nice.

Here's the email we got today:

"Good Morning,

It has taken me all weekend to gather my thoughts and to begin to regain a sense of balance following Friday’s events and the media coverage which has ensued.

I want to pass on a few thoughts. They come primarily from various school administrators, particularly Superintendent Dxxxxxx from the Bxxxxxxxx Central School District. I think he expresses things clearly and compassionately.

We can assume that many families had conversations with their children over the weekend. However, if you watched any of the coverage, suggestions were being made that children not follow such coverage, that families turn off the TV and turn to family activities instead. At this time, we do not know how families have chosen to handle this horrific act with their children. Therefore, we must be very mindful about sharing information with students. We often talk about the strength of our Pre-K – Grade 12 program; we revel in the sense of community that we can share with our students from age 4 to graduation. And we celebrate those we complete their AAG days as “lifers.” But we must also recognize that there are times when some need to be protected; in my opinion, this is one of those times. I am hoping that our older students, faculty and staff will not engage in casual conversation in hallways or other areas where their comments may be overheard. We all know that it is hard to gauge the impact of our words on others. This is a time when an overheard conversation could cause children to feel sad or anxious, rather than safe in our building. In addition, I agree strongly with Superintendent Dxxxxxx that we must honor a family’s right to inform and educate their child as they choose to do so.

Please reach out to Pxxxx and Mxxxxxxx if you feel it is necessary.

As you know, Dxxx met with members of the Cabinet on Friday afternoon and then contacted our families. We will be engaging in on-going conversations and plan to examine and evaluate our current safety measures. Any input you’d like to pass my way would be greatly appreciated.

There are reasons we practice fire and lock down drills as well as bomb-scare protocol. You and our students have done an outstanding job during the drills we have practiced this year. We can never negate the importance of these exercises. This recent incidence highlights the need for immediate cooperation during these times and I know going forward, you will assist, as you always do, in helping them through these drills, with the intent of keeping our students safe and our community strong.

Gratefully,
Wxxxxx"

Here's Mr. Roger's suggestions for handling tragic event world news/media. It's soooooo helpful. I heard about it on the radio this morning after I dropped the kids off and I was asking God how I was going to explain this to them.

http://www.fci.org/new-site/par-tragic-events.html

I've emailed the counselors and asked if the school would be providing resources and expert advice on how to guide our discussions in an age-approriate manner at home. I'm calling the child psychologist that I've met with once to get her opinion. She takes forever to call back though. I'm also emailing our priest and requesting they they put up some resources for families trying to answer why God would permit this in age-appropriate ways. There are going to be some very difficult conversations and families are going to need a lot of support with this.

After that I'm writing the Pope...JK...I won't have enough time.

[Phoebe]

Kris, I agree with you. I am very unsure what to do and how to handle it. I tend to be overprotective in these situations. Especially with my 11-year-old who will obsess about the details and probably have nightmares. I am sure they will hear about it from school. also here school has not notified us as to if they will be discussing it. I also cringe at some of the regular curriculum they are taught in school. My 11-year-old just did a book report on Anne Frank. I feel sad that she has to learn how hard the world can be. However I know it is part of our history.

[HouseofWool]

FWIW, up until this year, I never even considered talking to C about these types of things. Last year he did a report on 9/11, so we had lots of discussions about it when he was doing some research, but we focused on the rebuilding and sense of community that it has given us as a nation. He doesn't need to know that people chose to jump out of windows rather than be burned alive. No one, and I mean NO ONE, should have to know those details. No matter who you are, they leave and indelible mark on your psyche.

I didn't tell him about the courageous teacher who died rather than let the gun man find her class of children. (Heck, I can't even write that without crying.) Nor will I.

[spotty_dog]

We've definitely sheltered the kids (6 and 3) from the news, we don't have TV or anything so it hasn't been difficult. But I didn't even think about other kids at school discussing this. I do like for DS to be prepared with a structure to fit other children's comments into. However, he doesn't interact with anyone but kindergarteners, except at the bus stop where I'll be right with him. This is a tough one. I might say something over breakfast. Ugh. My son doesn't even use the word "gun" when he plays, he prefers to call projectile-firing weapons "tchieu-tchieus".

[GrayMatterWife]

I told DS (8-1/2). He had heard about it on the news. We talked about how and why this happened and we also talked about what to do if (1) he ever saw a friend with a gun (several of his friends' parents are hunters and have guns under lock in their homes) and (2) someone entered his classroom with a gun.

His dad sees a lot of GSWs. I have been held up at gun point. Gun violence is something DS knows occurs.

I did not talk to the girls. They are not old enough to understand.

[MDPhDWife]

We haven't told our girls ages 11 and 8. Both their elementary and middle schools sent emails to me before they came home on Friday saying they will not be discussing it at school and encouraged us to leave the TV's off this weekend. I followed coverage but only after they were asleep. I'm a little worried other parents may have discussed it with their kids this weekend and my DD's will hear it from classmates. If so, I will have no choice but to have a frank conversation with them. Our schools have also offered counseling support and attached a PDF resource to the emails.

Mrs. K, I'm shocked that a preschool would discuss with children. What could they possibly say? That would be upsetting to me.

[MrsK]

Mrs. K, I'm shocked that a preschool would discuss with children. What could they possibly say? That would be upsetting to me.

We got two e-mails on this. This one was on Friday:

In the wake of today’s tragedy in Connecticut, I wanted to be the first to reassure you that your children are safe at _____________________. Just as you, I was shocked and totally devastated hearing today’s news. I immediately thought of your precious children, whom I also love dearly. We, the staff and administration, are totally committed to continue to provide you quality service and safety while in our care. In case you need ideas on how to speak with your older children about the events today, here are a few tips:



1. Continue to model calm and control when speaking with them.

2. Reassure them that they are safe.

3. Maintain a normal routine.

4. Remind them that trustworthy people are in charge at school.

5. Limit your child’s television viewing of the tragic events.

6. Monitor your own stress level.



Here’s what we’re committed to do at the CDC:

1. Continue to monitor visitors who enter the school.

2. Follow our procedures for evacuation.

3. Provide you with resources when needed.

4. Maintain structure and stability.

5. Allow time for age-appropriate classroom discussion.





Please join me in praying for all of those affected by this great loss. Losing a child is unimaginable, especially during the holidays. Love on your children and give them an extra hug today!

This one was last night:

Dear Parents,



The tragedy that occurred in Newtown, CT, on Friday has left the entire country in mourning and introspection. We pray that the families who lost their loved ones will be enveloped in love by those nearest to them as they walk through a journey of grief beyond all understanding or words.



With this event I wish to assure you that the Administration of the CDC and myself will be meeting Monday to review the VC Active Shooter Policy and our procedures at the CDC. After our review we will be bringing in our internal Safety Officer and any outside agency that we feel can assist us in reviewing our facility and procedures to help assure ourselves that we are doing everything humanly possible to keep your child(ren) safe. The children who walk the halls of this facility are not just children of VC staff; they are my children as well. Their safety weighs heavy on me each day and they are in my prayers daily.



I ask that each of you constantly be aware that no one walks in with you on your entered code when you either bring or pick up your child(ren). I realize this is a real hassle particularly as cold weather comes and we want to be polite and hold the door open for each other.



Also, as you now are bringing and/or picking up your children in the dark or dusk I ask that you be extra cautious as I see children waiting on the curb while the other child is placed in a car seat. It only takes a second for that child to run out between the cars. So, please be extra careful parking or leaving your parking space.



Thank you!

Sister _________

I'm guessing "allow time for age-appropriate classroom discussion" means that they will discuss it if the children bring it up?

BTW, that thing about kids waiting on the curb during pick up -- while probably not appropriate to the e-mail that Sr. sent -- is a pet peeve of mine that should be addressed. I see people leaving 2 or 3yo children on the curb while they load infants in their cars. There is no way I could trust K1 to stay on the curb. He'd decide that he just has to pick up a stick or stomp in a puddle or something and he'd forget that he was told to stay put. I've always had him climb in on K2's side while I put the baby in his carseat so at least they'd both be in the car while I loaded.

[alison]

I don't interpret this as the preschool teachers discussing what happened with the kids unless it actually comes up. I can't imagine them gathering the kids in circle time and talking about this. Is that what you were worried about?

[MrsK]

No, I'm not worried at all. But I prefer for now that my 3yo is still in the toddler class where it won't come up rather than just starting in the preschool class where a 5yo could bring it up.

[GrayMatterWife]

If they talk about it in DD#1's class (3-4 year olds), I would not have a problem with that. She has the most amazing teachers who relate to the kids on a level that, frankly, I cannot. They can talk to the kids in a way that is not dismissive or condescending, but is also age-appropriate. (I am amazed. I am missing the all-important "kid talk" gene in my DNA sequencing--so my kids all talk like grown-ups because that's how they are talked to by me, but sometimes they really struggle to understand what I am saying--I am talking over them and they are desperate to understand what I am saying. And I fumble around, unable to think creatively, to allow me to express my ideas in a way they would get. Ugh. The teachers are able to convey themselves in a more accessible way.)

There is no way that DD#2's class would discuss this. They are 2-year-olds. They don't understand death and cannot sufficiently distinguish between fantasy and reality.

[HouseofWool]

I am missing the all-important "kid talk" gene in my DNA sequencing--so my kids all talk like grown-ups because that's how they are talked to by me, but sometimes they really struggle to understand what I am saying--I am talking over them and they are desperate to understand what I am saying. And I fumble around, unable to think creatively, to allow me to express my ideas in a way they would get.

This is so me. For the most part they both just say they understand to get me to stop talking. It is painful on both sides!

[Pollyanna]

We didn't sit down and have specific discussions with any of the children. Dd18 and DS16 knew what happened and we talked briefly about how there is evil in this world and that the survivors and those lost need our prayers and our strength. Ds12 and dd10 knew something happened because they prayed for the families of Newtown when the news broke but the school did not discuss anything further. They didn't ask over the weekend because ds12 wrestled all weekend and dd10 had Nutcracker performances so they were busy. Dd3 and the baby are obviously too young to broach the subject with.
Our K-8 sent an email about school security and that they will not be discussing the event with the children but will answer questions if asked. The counselor and Priests are also available if anyone needs to talk. The principal sent an email this morning indicating that she and Father greeted the children as they always do each morning and they found the children to be normal and carefree as they should be.

[MrsK]

The day care sent another e-mail today saying that they are adding monthly evacuation/safety drills to the monthly fire and tornado drills they already have. I remember my mom telling me how terrified she was hiding under her desk during air raid drills they had when she was in grade school. Is this the world our children live in now?

[alison]

Good for them! I think drills are a good thing. My mom used to say they did duck and cover nuclear war drills in school.

We had a shooting in my high school, and had no clue what to do. We just ran until we got to the top floor of the school. We were in lockdown for a few hours, and had no clear instructions nor communication with anyone from the classroom my friend and I hid in. We could have used drills! And that was close to 20 years ago.