At home consequences for school infractions?

[HouseofWool]

First, this is NOT your fault. He's a little kid. And he's a boy. Impulse control was a huge problem for DS when he was five. Some of his behavior absolutely defied logic.

Second, it's understandable (albeit not acceptable) that he threw out the note. He is a little kid and he is trying to control his situation. In his mind: no note, no consequences.

Third, the fact of the matter is, things most likely WILL be more difficult for your boys for a while because of the divorce. Your boys' male role model's way of solving a problem is to "throw away the problem"--no surprise your son tossed the note. That's the example that he has. A grown man who lacks impulse control. It is just sad that while you are busy raising a boy of character and teaching him about consequences, you have to explain this basic concept to your ex.

Fourth, tell Russ to f**k off. You are doing a GREAT job!!!! If Russ thinks you are working too much, you can point out that this was NOT the life you had planned for the boys, and you are dealing with the consequences of his failure as a husband the best you can.

OK, now I am really pissed...

A-fucking-men


You are doing great. I think kindergarten can be a hard year because they all of a sudden have many more rules and expectations placed on them.


As far as punishing what happens in school? TBH, it hasn't really come up. (I know that just writing that somehow jinxes me, hush!) I do talk to him about various situations and present alternative methods of resolution, but he is such a people pleaser he will let other kids dump all over him so as to not rock the boat.

[diggitydot]

I am a *touch* jaded but I am chomping at the bit to add my perception that sometimes what we expect out of kindergartners is a touch out of whack with where they are developmentally. I'm not suggesting that D's behavior isn't something to help work him through, but I'd skew pretty lenient. Little boys talk too loud, express anger inappropriately, and have a hard time focusing. That is where they are at. This isn't about the divorce, lack of sleep, the fact that you allowed him to eat too much junk food, that is just kids. Again, I'm a few years down the road and perhaps a touch road weary, but don't sweat this overly much.

Word to all of this.

Truly, we're a little further along the parenting gig, too. (Our youngest is 10 y/o.) We're in NO WAY lenient, but D's behavior is entirely normal for a 5 or 6 y/o little boy. Yeah, the throwing away of the note should be addressed, but the being loud and impulsive behaviors are right in a 5/6 year old boy's wheelhouse. As he matures, those behaviors will, too.

[Deebs]

The reason I bring up a counselor or similar who works at school is that sometimes a person in that role can help redirect a teacher with out of whack expectations or help a parent see when something is outside the norm. I also think someone working in such a capacity could help the teacher find a more appropriate way to handle the lunch time. Many teachers become quickly defensive when a parent questions means of discipline, etc, but will take the same questions or criticisms as help from a colleague.

[Michele]

All good points. I have a conference scheduled for next week and my mom is going to sit in too. Right now I'm most frustrated by the kindergarten aid. She's the one that handles lunch and she's the one who seriously pissed me off last week.

Every time I've talked to his teacher she says "remind D to make better choices" or "remind D about the rules of class" or some other frou-frou kindergarten teacher crap. It's sweetly said and I don't think she thinks hes a bad kid. The aid? I get the feeling she thinks D is a screw up and that I'm a worthless uninvolved parent.

[diggitydot]

Fuck the aid. And DEFINITELY challenge them on the lunchtime bullshit.

[v-girl]

The thought of him eating his lunch alone makes me sad. He's such a sweet boy. Of course he's loud. He's a little boy!

[Meenah]

You could always whisper to the aid that there is an iMSN bus!!!!

[Michele]

The part about solo lunch that bugs me is the duration. He had several week long blocks where he had to didn't himself. And I wasn't notified. I was pissed. Removing D from his friends is actually a decent punishment for him. He's very social and tends to become a class clown to get the attention. But for a week or two at a time? Way harsh for Kindergarten. He hasn't had solo lunch since I said I wanted to be notified every single time.