When a "Mean Girl" has attorney parents...watch out! (Rant)

[Momo]

So a bratty-mouthed, 4th grade girl, who has a reputation of being a "Mean girl," decided to do what she does best and verbally bully a boy in front of other classmates. Well he finally had enough and swung his clip board at her; the side of it hit her knee! At school she seemed fine. Well fast-forward to later that evening and it really started to hurt! An exam & X-ray shows it chipped her knee cap. Too bad an exam & x-ray couldn't show the "Mean girl"mentality/rude behavior that got the whole thing started! So her attorney parents sue the boy&his family!

I always tell my kids: "Keep your mouths shut if you can't say something nice and never use violence/ aggression to solve a problem!" The sad part is, I am sure it was just dumb luck they way the edge of the clipboard hit her knee! Now the instigator is being coddled by dozen little girls, that just love helping "the girl on crutches." There were other girls spoon feeding her! I so wish someone would say to her& her followers:"It's too bad you got hurt, hopefully you'll see the wisdom in not picking incessantly on others!" Even richer, is the fact that other (dim witted IMO) kiddos openly admitted that they changed their minds, about who to vote for in the student council elections! They said they felt sorry for "the girl on crutches" so "mouthy mean girl" is now student council vice president! Nobody dares address the elephant in te room IE her mean girl reputation because of mom & dad suing. Ugggh! One can only hope that her behavior of "putting others down," will be a thing of the past, after this whole episode!

[MrsK]

Wow. That sounds like a tween movie plot.

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[Meenah]

That makes me feel so bad for the little boy. Is there no way to address the behavior of the mean girl? Do the teachers know her reputation? If so, aren't they obligated to do something?

[ides]

Wrong on so many levels.

[Ladybug]

Wow. In the end you simply can't hit someone, no matter how frustrated. Like ever. Mean girls aside, I hope he gets some help learning how to identify and voice his anger at an injustice. It can be approached as a learning process for him (her family doesn't sound open to learning) when the heat fades. It won't be the last time he encounters it...

This issue has been on mind a lot this past year. What tools are we giving our kids to deal with kids who don't play by the rules? Our school does a really good job of giving our kids communication skills, but they all fall into a set of rules that not everyone prescribes too. I remember my own DD1 (and my 5th health grade class) earnestly asking, "But what do you do when YOU'VE SAID THAT and they still don't stop????" There is a big gap in what we are teaching kids at school from "theoretical response" to real life situations. Teachers are human and don't have the energy for every single squable at school...anymore than I do at home. I try to be a fair judge at home, but sometimes I'm spent and I leave them to settle things themselves. I've been disappointed to hear that my colleagues have dismissed my kids on the playground when they bring (another ) social spat to their attention, but in an imperfect world what tools will I give them when these theoretical responses fail...? They are bewildered when the adult answers don't work or affect the changes they are hoping for. I dunno. I've given my kids permission to deliver some verbal doozies , but they are so scared that they will get in trouble...even if they say no to playing with a troublemaker. It drives me nuts on the girls side. There is a forced "niceness" that is gender-driven. On the one hand my kids have much better communication skills than I ever did, but I don't think we (me + school) have adequately armed them to deal with rule-scoffers. It's something I plan to address with the counselors this year. If the kids have tried the mature way to handle meaness...then what?

[diggitydot]

When a "Mean Girl" has attorney parents...watch out! (Rant)

You bring up good points. Our kids have been told that they can say whatever needs to be said so long as they can do so in a respectful manner, even when the other person isn't being respectful.

As the kids have aged, that has morphed a bit to include trying to be more purposefully kind. I think most little kids try to be kind, but tweens and teens need more reminders about it.

And then there are times when assholes just need to be cleverly and clearly told that they are, indeed, assholes. DD1 has earned that right, so long as she has exhausted all kind and respectful avenues. If they're STILL being a dick, she can tell them to quit being a dick. With her peers, she typically only does this to kids who make it a habit to pick on those unable to stand up for themselves. With adults, she's respectful, but still gets the message across in a way that doesn't get her in trouble.

[HouseofWool]

You bring up good points. Our kids have been told that they can say whatever needs to be said so long as they can do so in a respectful manner, even when the other person isn't being respectful.

As the kids have aged, that has morphed a bit to include trying to be more purposefully kind. I think most little kids try to be kind, but tweens and teens need more reminders about it.

And then there are times when assholes just need to be cleverly and clearly told that they are, indeed, assholes. DD1 has earned that right, so long as she has exhausted all kind and respectful avenues. If they're STILL being a dick, she can tell them to quit being a dick. With her peers, she typically only does this to kids who make it a habit to pick on those unable to stand up for themselves. With adults, she's respectful, but still gets the message across in a way that doesn't get her in trouble.

But, how does a 10 year old do this? I would really rather that he not resort to profanity at school, as that will cause problems in and of itself. But, gah, I am sick of bullies. Thankfully, C's biggest bully last year is now in a different school, but next year, there is a good chance that they will be face to face again and then what? The kid is a dick without manners who has been shunted from school to school for behavior issues.

I'm sorry to hijack, but this is something that I have been struggling with and I really dislike telling my kiddo that I don't know how to help him stand up for himself appropriately.

[diggitydot]

When a "Mean Girl" has attorney parents...watch out! (Rant)

But, how does a 10 year old do this? I would really rather that he not resort to profanity at school, as that will cause problems in and of itself. But, gah, I am sick of bullies. Thankfully, C's biggest bully last year is now in a different school, but next year, there is a good chance that they will be face to face again and then what? The kid is a dick without manners who has been shunted from school to school for behavior issues.

I'm sorry to hijack, but this is something that I have been struggling with and I really dislike telling my kiddo that I don't know how to help him stand up for himself appropriately.

Our youngest is 11 and he deals with the situation differently than sisters. He's younger, isn't as quick verbally (due to his language disorder), and is kind to a fault. It makes him a target for bullies and he gets his fair share of asswipes messing with him, but he just stops playing with them until they're no longer acting like assholes. Some have asked him why he isn't playing with them and he flat-out tells them that it's because they're not being nice and that he doesn't hang out with people who aren't nice to others. (Kid has no filter -- gee, wonder where he for that?)

He practices controlling his own reactions to not give bullies any ammunition or a reaction, which is typically what their aim is when messing with other kids. He's allowed to tell the rotten fartknocker that they're not being nice and then proceed to leave the area. If it's happening during class, he's told to ignore them. Bullies will eventually stop when they quit getting a rise out of people. They will initially ramp their shit up to try to get that reaction, hoping their increased antics will work. When that fails, they usually move on to other targets. Eventually, they move on to the kid who will kick the shit out of them and who has parents who don't care.

BTW - Despite having me as their mom, the girls NEVER resort to profanity to get their points across with adults. DD2 never does it to anyone, but DD1 (as an almost-18 y/o) doesn't do that with adults.

[HouseofWool]

Our youngest is 11 and he deals with the situation differently than sisters. He's younger, isn't as quick verbally (due to his language disorder), and is kind to a fault. It makes him a target for bullies and he gets his fair share of asswipes messing with him, but he just stops playing with them until they're no longer acting like assholes. Some have asked him why he isn't playing with them and he flat-out tells them that it's because they're not being nice and that he doesn't hang out with people who aren't nice to others. (Kid has no filter -- gee, wonder where he for that?)

He practices controlling his own reactions to not give bullies any ammunition or a reaction, which is typically what their aim is when messing with other kids. He's allowed to tell the rotten fartknocker that they're not being nice and then proceed to leave the area. If it's happening during class, he's told to ignore them. Bullies will eventually stop when they quit getting a rise out of people. They will initially ramp their shit up to try to get that reaction, hoping their increased antics will work. When that fails, they usually move on to other targets. Eventually, they move on to the kid who will kick the shit out of them and who has parents who don't care.

BTW - Despite having me as their mom, the girls NEVER resort to profanity to get their points across with adults. DD2 never does it to anyone, but DD1 (as an almost-18 y/o) doesn't do that with adults.

That is basically what I have told C to do, but it still sucks because the asswipe just wouldn't let up and he was half a head taller and 30 pounds heavier (and C is one of the bigger kids in his class).

[Momo]

Oh...it gets even better. Turns out the( boy) is one of the poorest in the class. His folks are divorced, he's one 6 children, in his family, that is being raised by a unemployed, single dad. I remember hearing last year about a dilemma due to them no longer owning a car. He was suspended last week and returned today only to be the source of gossip and ridicule. Meanwhile, Miss Priss is now student council VP, and has a devoted following of minions that are having no problem gossiping about it!! When dd1 told me who the boy was I was, my heart sank. I can't believe the parents suing this poor family...God only knows how this is impacting the child at home.

[Pollyanna]

That is so sad. I'm afraid to say that this incident will likely make this girl even worse, she doesn't recognize her behavior as wrong, and neither do her parents.

[ladymoreta]

That's just awful. That poor boy and his family.

[DCJenn]

One of those times when I hope Karma is real.

J.

[diggitydot]

One of those times when I hope Karma is real.

J.

Oh, it will bite the attorney parents and asshole kid right in he keister one day. Shit like this catches up with people eventually.

[DCJenn]

Well, it will likely first bite them in the ass when the asshole attorneys realize that suing people who have nothing gets you exactly that- nothing.

J.