When to Contact a Teacher

[Deebs]

DS (first grade) has seemed as if the school year is off to a good start. Today, he came to me and said his teacher doesn't seem to understand him. When I asked why, he told me that he gets in trouble a lot for talking, raises his hand, but she doesn't call on him, his desk has been moved so that it's alone (the rest are all in groups of four or more). He says he feels left out.
This is my child whom we strongly suspect has ADHD, but is only six - very young to diagnose. He's also highly gifted. Started reading at age two, is doing multiplication, etc. His conversations are weird - in a gifted kid kind of way. Last year, within two weeks his teacher started giving him more challenging reading and math. This week, he came home with words to study - the same one he was tested on in September of last year. It's a joke, honestly. I'm making him study words every night (as assigned) that he's known how to read for four years. What do I do?
Do I take him to get him diagnosed so he can get a 504 or IEP?
Let it go on a few more weeks and re-evaluate?
Call the teacher again (we had a conference a week and a half ago and nothing we discussed has been implemented)?
I'm so frustrated for him and for me. Plus, I have a bad attitude. I don't see him as needing academic instruction, as much as life skills in a group. How is he getting those if he's off in a corner?


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[HouseofWool]

Do you have a good relationship with the principal? I know that I could easily ask for a meeting with both the teacher and the principal at out school without ruffling too many feathers.

Dxing him will likely involve a full blown neuropsych eval, which while somewhat arduous, can be revelatory. Before doing so, I would figure out what you will do with a dx of ADHD. Will you medicate? Try behavior modification? What factors will play into your game plan. Do you think he has the hyperactivity component?

I guess I would call a meeting with the principal and teacher, couching it in a way that suggests no wrong doing on the part of the teacher.

[PrincessFiona]

Based on my own experience, I would suggest that he needs to be tested and you ask for a meeting with the teacher. It is unlikely the schools will take action with his giftedness without test results. Also, they will better accommodate his adhd if that is what he has. Honestly, I'd meet with the teacher asap to get on the same page. It is likely that she will appreciate the info and will be better able to serve him.

Kris

[Pollyanna]

I would meet with the teacher as well and see if you can get some satisfaction that way. If that doesn't work I'd talk with the principal. I hate when they isolate kids (I've seen it a lot). I should warn you that I've seen plenty of kiddos isolated even after they had testing/diagnosis/plans in place. I would try to get the teacher to take that type of "discipline" off the table when you meet with her. Please keep us posted!

[spotty_dog]

I've been hanging out a lot on a forum for parents of accelerated kids. With your suspicion of twice-exceptionality, I think that a full neuropsych eval might be really eye-opening, and not just in a "get him diagnosed so he can get an IEP" kind of way. A lot of parents find it really relieving to better understand their kids' strengths and weaknesses.

My DS melted down hardcore last year in first grade, but I was fortunate to be there. The teacher had set up a table with 6 iPads for the kids to practice logging in to IXL. I was to supervise these kids, talk them through typing in their passwords, get them navigated to the right areas. One group that rotated through this station had seven kids, and the seventh was DS. Since there wasn't a seat for him, and since he was working on separate stuff anyway (he'd been working for weeks on a different level of IXL instead of math time), and was already good at logging in, the teacher suggested sitting him at a separate desk. Well, the assignment she'd given him that day was a challenge -- the kid HATES IXL anyway, because of how it punishes you by dropping your score drastically if you get a problem wrong, and these were a weird format that he was making small input errors on despite knowing the material. He tried to get my attention and failed because I was focused on helping kids find the "at" symbol on the iPad on-screen keyboard. He started to cry, hard, and when I went to him he told me he felt really left out.

So, just sharing that as an example of how the teacher might be trying to keep him separate to give him different work and she might not realize how that's backfiring. It took months for us to get a good routine going for differentiation in the first grade classroom. I also got to a point where I would send in what we were working on in lieu of his addition homework, etc., and she thoroughly endorsed this. Don't feel like you are a hostage to what the teacher assigns. You and the teacher are working together to support your child's education and you are the one who lives with him and knows best how things are going for him.

I might be willing to shoot a quick email to iron this out. But I'd also talk to DS about sticking up for himself.

[Sheherezade]

Knowing what I know, I'd talk to the teacher, but then go to the principal if I wasn't happy. The principal will want to back up the teacher. It's her way. We had a bad first grade experience, an ok second grade and a fabulous third grade. After that it's been fine. I wasn't crazy about the school you are in and was frequently frustrated. Just FYI, the new assistant superintendent is making plans for better gifted education for the younger kids and parents have been organizing for it. I can find you names if you don't know them already.


Angie

[Deebs]

Thank you all for chiming in. Angie - I appreciate you chiming in, too. Our principal is one who always backs the teacher, but I have seen changes made even after she backs a teacher, so sometimes it's worth bringing her in the loop, though frustrating. My DD had an awful first grade experience, so I feel like I'm going to come off as anti-first grade. I talked to DS a bit more, and emailed the teacher. In talking with him, I also found out, he thinks he's a "bad kid," and has good reason to think so. Apparently, there are two lists in Spanish class (a different teacher who teaches to all grades). After having other parents ask their kids, all the kids think the lists are of the "good kids" and "bad kids." I have to believe that there's some other explanation for the lists (if I find out that is what they are, our superintendent is going to find me in his office, believe me), but several kids all agreed. DS thinks he's on the "bad kid" list. Also, his thinks his classroom teacher said "let's be a good boy next week" - implying he's a "bad boy." I laid all of this out for the teacher and told her we need to meet. DH is ready to pull him out of school. Unfortunately, a lot of what we're seeing is what DH went through in school, and I think he's having some trauma surface as we go through this with DS.
I have no idea how to get started, but I'm getting him a neuropsych eval (anyone have a clue? everything I can find relates to looking for Autism). At this point, we do need to see where he's at. There's also a parent sort of support group/discussion group for those with kids who have been identified as gifted (which doesn't happen until 3rd grade by the schools here), and another parent invited me to come to their next meeting, so I am.
BTDT moms - is there ever a year in school that's just easy for all of the kids? I was hoping that would be this year. In the meanwhile, I'm all ears for any and all advice and opinions you all have (even if you don't have kids - many of us are gifted and went through some of this ourselves). Thanks guys!

[spotty_dog]

I have no idea how to get started, but I'm getting him a neuropsych eval (anyone have a clue? everything I can find relates to looking for Autism). At this point, we do need to see where he's at. There's also a parent sort of support group/discussion group for those with kids who have been identified as gifted (which doesn't happen until 3rd grade by the schools here), and another parent invited me to come to their next meeting, so I am.

This might be a good lead: http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/psychologists.htm
And this: http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10678.aspx

I hate good/bad valuations that get passed down from teachers. So much. Kids really hold teachers up, and pick up on even their more subtle prejudices against "difficult" kids. :\

[Deebs]

Spotty - thanks, I'll check those out. The "lists" aren't an abstract idea - they're hung in the classroom. I'm really hoping those lists are something like kids who have experience with Spanish and those who don't, but it's really sad that at least five kids think it's a good/bad list.


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[Sheherezade]

Oh, she's a great principal, I think. I don't want you to think I'm saying it's a bad thing,but I do think she's not going to go against her staff without a decent reason. We were not happy with our daughter's 1st grade either, so I'm not surprised. A lot of "you are a bad" kid stuff and weird socializations, I thought. It made me crazy. I'd hoped it got better, but who knows?

It was easy in 5th grade for us. Then 6th grade girl politics stuff kicked in, but the teacher relationships were better. It's easy for us now in high school!


Angie

[Deebs]

Angie, who was the first grade teacher??? Maybe I'm dealing with the same person. I made the mistake (with a different teacher) of excusing behaviors/words away when DD was in first grade. I'm definitely not doing that again.


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[HouseofWool]

I am just baffled by the idea that teachers would have a list up in a classroom without explaining it thoroughly to the kids. Seriously... When I listen to everyone talk about the difficulties they have had, I realize that we have been incredibly fortunate.

Now, I will say that neither of my kids are truly "gifted". They are bright and probably perform better than many of there peers, but they didn't teach themselves to read before kindergarten or the like. Actually, I think C may have been gifted before his stroke and now he is above average. So, I think that plays into our experience as well.

But, holy crap guys. WTF is up with lists and color coding behaviors? I really don't understand it, nor do I see it where we have attended. C was in 3 different elementary schools and I didn't see it in any of them.

[Phoebe]

I would start with the teacher to flesh out the issue, followed by the principal if needed. If you get to a point of an evaluation, go with a peds neuropsych. It may take some time to get an appointment. It may not hurt to call one and speak to them about your concerns. I did that before my kids evals.

My kids were evaluated in 1st grade and kinder (it was our 2nd kid with ADHD and we had a strong suspision because of similar behaviors and problems at school). We had a bad experience for 1st grade for the opposite reasons. My kids have many gifts, but academics is not one. Our elem caters to the accelerated students. Both of my kids had a fantastic second-grade year. It was because they had an awesome veteran teacher.

We haven't had an IEP/504s until two years ago. Our school was a wait-and-see type of institution and the counselor sucked. The counselor is the gatekeeper to 504/IEPs so you may want to start conversations with her to get on the radar. IMO, we have a 504 so my kids don't get lost in the shuffle or have to struggle.

The schools I have dealt with try to say you don't need a process in place to provide accommodations.

My best advice is to be your child's biggest advocate. Don't be afraid to speak up and don't wait if you think there is a true issue.

[GrayMatterWife]

DS (first grade) has seemed as if the school year is off to a good start. Today, he came to me and said his teacher doesn't seem to understand him. When I asked why, he told me that he gets in trouble a lot for talking, raises his hand, but she doesn't call on him, his desk has been moved so that it's alone (the rest are all in groups of four or more). He says he feels left out.
This is my child whom we strongly suspect has ADHD, but is only six - very young to diagnose. He's also highly gifted. Started reading at age two, is doing multiplication, etc. His conversations are weird - in a gifted kid kind of way. Last year, within two weeks his teacher started giving him more challenging reading and math. This week, he came home with words to study - the same one he was tested on in September of last year. It's a joke, honestly. I'm making him study words every night (as assigned) that he's known how to read for four years. What do I do?
Do I take him to get him diagnosed so he can get a 504 or IEP?
Let it go on a few more weeks and re-evaluate?
Call the teacher again (we had a conference a week and a half ago and nothing we discussed has been implemented)?
I'm so frustrated for him and for me. Plus, I have a bad attitude. I don't see him as needing academic instruction, as much as life skills in a group. How is he getting those if he's off in a corner?


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I suspect I will be the dissenting opinion: NO NO NO NO NO. DO NOT GET HIM TESTED FOR ANYTHING THROUGH A SCHOOL SHRINK. He will be labeled forever. ADD is a really common way to handle mishaving, bored boys (as say this both as a parent as well as a former teacher who has dealt with a LOT of IEPs).

I went through THE EXACT SAME THING with DS at almost the same age (K for DS). MISERABLE. The whole nine yards--teacher did not seem to like him, separated him, he had weirdly advanced vocabulary, bored to tears in school...the teacher's mission was to get him labeled something so we could medicate him so that he would "behave."

What a load of sh*t.

We moved him to a different school that was equipped to handle gifted kids and suddenly...my son was properly stimulated, properly understood, and a well-behaved kid. Never had a single behavior problem with him in school after that. We homeschool him now following our move to Atlanta, and that is great, too, for him.

Get him a new teacher. Get him IQ tested. Get him gifted tested. Get him PRIVATELY ADD test (NOT THROUGH THE SCHOOL). Then decide what you want to do. Just because your kid is ADD does not mean that the school has to know to label him. Figure out what is best for him.

[Deebs]

Abigail - such good points. My intention was never to have him tested through the school. Honestly , much of his behaviors are common in highly gifted children, as well as children with ADHD. DH has really, really severe ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until he couldn't sit through the MCAT . We are both considered gifted and dealt with the good and bad of trying to get our needs met in a school system. I feel like we need to get him tested to find a starting point to teach him behavior mod and coping mechanisms. AND I do think that being able to show a school that we have had him evaluated MAY help. Either way, I want a handle on some of this before we move because it will probably influence the schooling choice I make for him.


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