When to Contact a Teacher

[Phoebe]

Definitely get independent testing. It gives you more control over his situation.

[PrincessFiona]

I agree. Do not get the school involved.

[spotty_dog]

Thanks for this thread, BTW. It made me relive what we went through in first grade, and the things we ended up doing to cope. I remembered that giving him lots of interest and challenge at home was huge, so this weekend I've pulled out all our supplementary books that I'd put aside for the summer. Some math and history and chess and he's a very content boy on a more even keel than I've seen him in a long time.

[Deebs]

When to Contact a Teacher

I'm quickly reaching the end of my rope. First, we are having DS tested. You all jogged my memory and I realized a friend of my youngest has a mom who owns a center that does all kinds of testing/interventions. We have him fast tracked in.
As an update, I emailed the teacher my concerns and requested a meeting. She asked to meet with me and DS. We went in, she told him to explain to me that his chair is isolated because he talks too much. When he said he feels left out of class, she replied that he should because he made that choice.
Than she confronted him about a game they played where he couldn't get self control and was laughing. She said, "tell Mom what happened when I kept you in from recess to talk to you about it." He didn't remember. I believe him. She told him he was lying, he does remember, and that he laughed. Looking at this woman's face as she was talking to him, I'm sure he did laugh and doesn't remember because I'm sure he was terrified. But, it's great to call a six year old a liar in front of his mom. She did tell him there are no "bad kids" but that the Spanish teacher HAS to keep a list of "leaders" and "kids she had to talk to." No other teacher has such a list. DS was very respectful , listened, and then told me in the car that there's no difference in that list and a "good kid/bad kid" list. No kidding! We ended the meeting talking about self control, what that looks like, etc. then, he had his week as "Star Student." She didn't have him do anything assigned for that role (he came home with his show and tell and special snack unshared). I jus requested a meeting with the principal. I am done!


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[Ladybug]

Ick. I was expecting her to go over and beyond for his share after that meeting. I'm floored.

[Deebs]

So am I. Just sent her the following:

" I was dismayed to find on Wednesday afternoon that Alex hadn't shared the items he had brought and that on Friday he hadn't shared his snack. I don't think it unreasonable that for a one-time occasion (that I assume is to help the student feel special) a teacher would give a six year old a friendly reminder in asking if he had brought something to share. In our initial ten minute meeting, I shared my concerns that Alex's learning needs this year aren't necessarily academic, other than working to challenge him, but rather teaching him organization and social skills. Honestly, forgetting to share during Star Student week without a reminder, or a cue of the appropriate time to do so could happen to any six year old. Is there a way he can share his snack and special items in the coming week?"


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[ladymoreta]

Wow, I'm so sorry. I think it was good to go to the teacher first, but time to move up the chain.

[Thirteen]

I'm quickly reaching the end of my rope. First, we are having DS tested. You all jogged my memory and I realized a friend of my youngest has a mom who owns a center that does all kinds of testing/interventions. We have him fast tracked in.
As an update, I emailed the teacher my concerns and requested a meeting. She asked to meet with me and DS. We went in, she told him to explain to me that his chair is isolated because he talks too much. When he said he feels left out of class, she replied that he should because he made that choice.
Than she confronted him about a game they played where he couldn't get self control and was laughing. She said, "tell Mom what happened when I kept you in from recess to talk to you about it." He didn't remember. I believe him. She told him he was lying, he does remember, and that he laughed. Looking at this woman's face as she was talking to him, I'm sure he did laugh and doesn't remember because I'm sure he was terrified. But, it's great to call a six year old a liar in front of his mom. She did tell him there are no "bad kids" but that the Spanish teacher HAS to keep a list of "leaders" and "kids she had to talk to." No other teacher has such a list. DS was very respectful , listened, and then told me in the car that there's no difference in that list and a "good kid/bad kid" list. No kidding! We ended the meeting talking about self control, what that looks like, etc. then, he had his week as "Star Student." She didn't have him do anything assigned for that role (he came home with his show and tell and special snack unshared). I jus requested a meeting with the principal. I am done!


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Is this teacher older?
The tactics sound archaic.



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[spotty_dog]

FWIW, during first grade VIP kid weeks here, kids often got their sharing day pushed back because the previous kid hadn't gotten to finish sharing everything they wanted to share. So I don't know that you have to jump to the conclusion that she punished him for not reminding her to allow him to share. But the failure to work with you, calling him a liar, defending the good kid/bad kid thing...ooh, I would be tensing up like a livewire and ready to wreak some mama bear havoc. :\

Good luck.

[Ladybug]

Even if pushed back its weird she wouldn't email/call you before the end of the day. To just find his snack unshared with no explanation....mind blown! Boom.

[BonBon]

Wow. I'm floored too. IMO, she can't handle being a first grade teacher. 6 yo kids are NOT mini-adults. My god, the poor kid is probably a little afraid to approach her after all this to even see if he COULD share his snack. I remember being young and intimidated by certain scary teachers. Not cool, lady. I'm really sorry. I'm glad this will be your last year, but still.

I don't suppose there's any way to move him to another class? My son had huge problems with his first grade teacher and still occasionally talks about her. She's the one that piled on two hours of homework every night, had the color coded behavior chart, had a giant box of dollar store toys as "rewards". It was a really overwhelming experience. My point is, my DS is now in 5th grade and still recalls what a terrible experience it was. I don't want that to happen to your DS!

[lovelight]

I'm still stuck on her calling him a liar in front of you. Imagine what she does behind your back...


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[Phoebe]

It sounds like the teacher doesn't have self-control over herself. She needs an attitude adjustment. I'd be talking to the principal too!

[Pollyanna]

Wow, just wow. I hate to be doom and gloom but I believe that she has already made a judgement about your ds and has labeled him and isn't interested in changing her label. Blech. Is there a different class they would be willing to switch him into?

[Deebs]

I just received a reply from the teacher saying since DS hadn't approached her to share, she assumed he wasn't bringing anything. This is the same week she met with us and told him not to talk out of turn - why on earth would he approach her (and since he's the firs Star student of the year how would any six year old know that is the expectation?)? The only option I will consider is him leaving the class and possibly not doing Spanish at all. The kids aren't allowed to talk at all in Spanish (confirmed by my third grader as well as neighbors whose children have complained), so I don't know what he'll get out of class other than being labeled on the "bad kid" list. DH is coming with me to meet with the principal. Partially because I'm a horrid crier and I think I'll be less apt to cry if I have him there, but also because he's incredibly physically intimidating. Intimidate away - Mama's pissed off.


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