Pulling the 504c card

[v-girl]

That's awful!


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[peggyfromwastate]

I think that the teachers are not really paying attention. The classes are overcrowded, with 32 or so per fifth grade class. Each class has a special needs type kid. In Luke's class it's not even Luke-- it's a kid who has OCD and sounds like other issues. The kids in Luke's class made a big deal about not wanting this kid to be their "secret santa".

My son's friend B is in a different class and has experienced multiple times kids in his table group making a big deal about picking up things that B touched and walking to the trash can saying things like "oh gross now this pencil is contaminated because you touched it." Some kids ask Luke why he hangs out with B. They said, "hey Luke-- don't hang out with B bc he's weird." And Luke says, "you just don't know him." And he still hangs out. There's another kid with ADHD who has been kind of a loner, so Luke, B, and this other kid hang out at recess together sometimes. They all have ADHD tying them together-- according to them. They call themselves the "three musketeers". I asked Luke what the kid who is the outcast in his class does at recess and Luke says he doesn't know, but he thinks he plays alone. But he seems happy... I told Luke maybe this kid would enjoy hanging out with them, because everyone wants a friend.

Why do these kids know each other according to their disabilities? Why do the teachers not keep an extra close eye? I don't know. It's definitely something I'll address when I call my 504 meeting with the elem school. I think I'll write a letter to the admin too to let them know that a poster that says "we don't bully" is just not cutting it...

I know 5th is a grade where the kids start getting less accepting and more middle-schoolish. But I just think some of this stuff can be noticed by the teachers if they try.

I told B to definitely tell his counselor bc they need to know what's going on. B goes for counseling every week with the school counselor, but he's been hesitant to say anything. No one wants to be a "tattletale". I told him this is not tattling, this is standing up for yourself. Which you need to do.

It's so sad. I wish these kids could be nurtured and loved bc they feel so different even without their peers telling them they are weird and diseased.

[peggyfromwastate]

Oh no, just no. What is going on in those schools that they allow that sort of behavior? I cannot imagine teachers allowing kids to be so cruel. Ugh, I'm so sorry Peggy.

How are your other kiddos adjusting?

You're doing awesome, thanks for keeping us posted.

The other kids are all doing well. They are able to adapt, and while dd13 has been slow to make friends, it's because she's being overly cautious. She doesn't want to make friends with the wrong people, bc she thinks she'll be labeled. Ds13 has pretty much integrated, but he doesn't care much about his school friends. His swim friends are really his focus (same for dd13).

Dd6 is having a great time although her teacher thinks dd is way way behind academically lol. Dd is super smart and very astute. Maybe she likes to ride the wave if low expectations? The system here is quite different and they started hard core common core methodology last year, and so dd6 isn't up to speed on that. She'd prefer to move onto multiplication now vs learning the various common core methods for adding. And in English things here are taught a bit differently. I don't push early reading which confuses the teacher. Sounding out words is painful for kids and adults. I prefer to wait until they are very ready to read-- bc then the joy of the story will encourage them to read. My kids were all late readers (reading fluently at ages 6-7). But they all read well, and they all enjoy reading books they enjoy. I have a different philosophy from dd6's teacher, but it's no big deal (for me). She's in first grade, and I'm not going to drastically change anything at all.

[spotty_dog]

She'd prefer to move onto multiplication now vs learning the various common core methods for adding. And in English things here are taught a bit differently. I don't push early reading which confuses the teacher. Sounding out words is painful for kids and adults. I prefer to wait until they are very ready to read-- bc then the joy of the story will encourage them to read. My kids were all late readers (reading fluently at ages 6-7). But they all read well, and they all enjoy reading books they enjoy. I have a different philosophy from dd6's teacher, but it's no big deal (for me). She's in first grade, and I'm not going to drastically change anything at all.

OMG, the "learning all the Common Core ways to add" is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I know this is how teachers and curricula are implementing but it's such horrible pedagogy. The idea (as ported from Singapore math) is to have an introduction to different strategies, in order to have tools in the tool box and a well-rounded number sense. It's not supposed to be hammering an annoying or unnecessary method into a student! "Hey look, if you can tell that two numbers are close together, you can count back to subtract!" (That way when you get to 1027-1025 you can do it quickly in your head instead of writing it out.) Not "Do page after page of 8-6 and 7-4 but pretend you haven't memorized the answers by the end, just keep drawing on number lines each and every time, and oh yeah also explain in a 5-paragraph essay why the method works and how you would use it to work the problem 4-3." *arglebargle*

(I do like phonics-based reading instruction as, again, a tool in the toolbox when it comes time to decode unfamiliar words. But I do think that the kindergarten insistence on dragging developmentally unprepared 5-year-olds by the hair through blending short words so they can say they are "reading" boring controlled readers is very, very annoying and sets the unsuccessful kids up for a lifelong dislike of reading.)

Keep us updated!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Why are schools even allowing secret Santa surprises which seems like a recipe for exclusivity and disaster.

[peggyfromwastate]

Oh I know T&S. But it's all the rage. Ugh!!!

Last year the "hated" kid apparently was given a pack of gum. The gift should be $10 or less, but... Really? The teacher did warn to make it a good present-- not just a pack of gum.

I need this trip to walmart this afternoon to find secret santa gifts like I need another damn form to sign.

Oh and spotty---even according to the CC curriculum kids are supposed to find the way to solve problems that is the best for them. Not be forced to do repetitive work (for those who get it) or esoteric work (for the others). But in practice the teachers have to teach each method and drill each method, which bores some kids, frustrates some kids, and annoys all people involved. Especially the weird word problems. Ugh.

[spotty_dog]

Oh and spotty---even according to the CC curriculum kids are supposed to find the way to solve problems that is the best for them. Not be forced to do repetitive work (for those who get it) or esoteric work (for the others). But in practice the teachers have to teach each method and drill each method, which bores some kids, frustrates some kids, and annoys all people involved. Especially the weird word problems. Ugh.

Exactly! So obnoxious.

[BonBon]

I don't understand a lot of the language (504 vs IDEA, etc) but how very frustrating. It sounds like a shitty school system in all ways. :/




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[peggyfromwastate]

Had I never had a special needs type kid I would've never even known. From my research this issue of schools not following 504s is pretty common. I was just lucky I guess to be in a district the last two years with such an advocate for a principal. She really encouraged me to set up as many legal protections as I was comfortable with. I just didn't want the IEP, for various reasons, and the 504 was followed. They did a good job at the middle school as well (a neighbor kid had a 504 and her needs were well met.)

[PrincessFiona]

I'm late to the party, Peggy, but I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this. I, too, would have never believed the difficulties involved had I not had my own child with special needs. I know when I was struggling with Amanda's IEP stuff, people were rolling their eyes until they hit the back of their heads. It seems so easy to solve from the outside. This stuff is maddening and the fight can leave you exhausted and empty. For me, I remember the point that I gave up ... it was halfway through Amanda's senior year and I just realized it was "over"....I quit fighting it.

It is unfortunately all too common that schools don't follow their 504's or IEPs ... they make excuses, and can alienate parents in meetings and make the parents the problem. I know some people in lucky districts where things run more smoothly. We aren't in one. Thank God our other children appear to be neurotypical.

I don't have much advice for you. Fight where you can as hard as you can and don't be apologetic about it. No need to worry about being liked.... If you have to, look to alternative schools or homeschooling. Neither of those options may be ideal from a schedule/life perspective, but they may save you incredible heartache.

I'm not in the "sue them" camp ... but maybe you'll find your help taking that direction. I was just too exhausted from raising children and dealing with the special needs to add legal appointments and the headache that came with it to the mix. My fault maybe. Fortunately, things are working out for Amanda now at the Community College in ways that I could have only dreamed.

Fight the good fight, my friend. I'm in your corner. I believe in you. You are an incredible mom.

Kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Thanks for all the thoughts and hugs--

Dh heard back from the 504 "investigator". We weren't optimistic based on the fact that this person works for the DOE, and is just another layer of bureaucracy. But, Dh had talked with her initially and explained the concerns we have and she seemed sympathetic.

She went to the actual school to see what the system is like and to get the POV from the admin there. And then she called Dh back and told him that she thought that the system in place was fair. So, no surprise. Her logic is that they have special services for kids who need extra help and the kids can get these services during break, regardless of when the break happens. They don't believe that the change in classroom location after every break or the change in schedule every quarter is a big deal (because everyone does this-- again, it's FAIR this way). They don't seem to understand the problem with expecting Ds10 to retain all the information from the first 6 weeks of the quarter for the exams (summative, as in can't retake) and final projects which happen after the 2.5 week break. The admin convinced her that this setup is best for kids like Luke because they have these 2 weeks in the middle of the quarter to get extra tutoring and help. All at school, even.

So Dh pointed out that for Ds10 to do that, he'd be in school all the time with no break. The only break he'd get would be the true break when no one is at the school (Winter break and one week in Summer). They don't see how this is a problem.

The kid HATES school. This is a huge problem. He lives for the breaks.

In other news, as Dh was working the system from within, I met with Luke's counselor. Unfortunately in his many years here on the island he's had a lot of run ins with the Hawaii DOE and has found that the only way to get them to listen is to use an advocate from the Office of Civil Rights which is based out of Seattle for this region. He says that anyone within the DOE just circles the wagon and they've been sued (successfully) time and time again for not implementing the 504 or the IEP regulations. He is on a first name basis with an advocate from the OCR (office of civil rights) who has frequently helped him. He's been to court before on behalf of his clients. He's also been to meetings in-house and the schools and DOE have set the standard of not listening to the opinion of a Dr or a Psychologist or anyone. It's their way and that's it. Very rigid. He is hopeful that things may change at some point, given all the lawsuits, and given that every time the OCR is called in the DOE generally will yield. But... So far, you have to escalate things to get a result.

On a separate note, he supports pursuing the homeschool program (the merged school, with classes and teachers but most of the work is done on line and the students meet together and with their teachers about 1-2 times a week). He is worried that Luke's a prime target to be bullied, and I have to agree. He's definitely not "cool". He gets by fine now (he's very handsome and looks totally normal), but he's so awkward and spacey that if someone talks to him, they instantly know he's different. He has a speech processing delay of some sort that makes his cadence very very slow, and it's typical that the middle school convo will be far moved along before he catches up with the first comment.

I feel like we will end up with the homeschool program (either the merged one or a straight homeschool program) regardless, as I am totally uncomfortable sending my non-neurotypical child to this school. But, I also feel like I am giving up the fight just to do that. Of course now that I know that in order to get Luke's needs met, and to "win" so to speak, I would need to involve an advocate and the OCR, I don't want to go that route because I don't want to waste their time... So looks like I'm going to let this sort of die...

The counselor understands my desire to fight, but he says to just keep focused on what Luke needs. It's not about me trying to prove I'm right, or to force them to change their minds... I know that, but it still sucks. He says that any change is going to have to come from the DOE and it's going to come after there are so many lawsuits and after the OCR is called in enough times that there will be some major interference from the mainland... Until then, nothing's going to change... If I do get them to allow Luke to have accommodations with his schedule, that won't mean anything for the other kids with 504s or IEPs.

So, right now we are going to start looking into the homeschool program as the most likely outcome, and if I think that program won't be a good fit, I'll have to go all the way to full homeschooling. I would rather have a type of blended program though, and the staff at the blended program look really fun (they have staff bios posted on the website), and my friend's son from the swim team loves that school. She likes the school, and she's been there for 3 years now with her Ds ever since the school refused to work with her in accommodating her son's 504. I can't think of a school that my kids have been in that I have liked after 3 years being there. Lol.

Dh is a little concerned about me taking on one more thing, but I kind of do see it as a parallel shift. I feel like I'm homeschooling him on Math right now because he doesn't listen in class and gets nothing out of it, then comes home and I need to teach it all to him. It takes 2 hours generally to get him through his work, and I need to be right there with him. At least I'll have a chance after school to focus a tiny bit more on the other kids as Ds should be done with his work by then...

Next step is to await the results from the neuropsych eval (we are halfway through) and then go to the school (elem school) to push for an IEP. The blended school is a charter school, so the IEP would keep "active" with the yearly meetings and what not. This will help when it's time to transition to regular high school. Our counselor says that the IEP is really the only way to get the admin around here to pay attention at all... So he definitely thinks that is something that we need to get done...

So that is it for now I guess. We haven't told the admin anything about our decision yet. It's Winter Break, so I don't think we need to worry about it for a while. I don't want to burn all the bridges to this system because it is a strong school for most kids. Obviously they just don't want to bother with special kids. I still have one to go through that middle school (dd6).

[Phoebe]

Peggy, I understand needing to do what is best for your DS. It breaks my heart that the school or state is so inflexible and can get away with this. I hope the homeschool/blended school option turns out to be the best option and works out for your family.