Overthinking Kindergarten/Homeschooling

[civilspouse]

I've posted before about preschool and redshirting DS. He will be 5 in August. The cutoff here is Sept 1 for kindergarten. We were originally thinking we would send him when he's six, but we are now leaning toward sending him next fall. I've e-mailed the principal and met with one of the kindergarten teachers and I think he is ready academically and emotionally. I am a little worried because they will only be doing full day kindergarten next year. I'm sure he'll be tired at first, but get used to it after a couple weeks. We have enrolled him in a preschool for the remainder of this year just to see how he does and make sure this is the right decision.

The thing is I'm just not sure I want him to be in school at all though. He's my baby and I'm not ready for him to be gone all day five days a week. I finally just started staying home with him. I went and observed the kindergarten class for a little while and it just seems crazy almost 30 kids and one adult. It wasn't out of control or anything. I just wasn't excited about the thought of DS being there, one of 30. It got me thinking about homeschooling, which is something I had always said I wouldn't do. I like the idea that our schedule would be more flexible since DH's schedule is so random. The problem is that I suck at the socialization part. DS really needs some friends and I haven't helped him make any yet. Also I feel like I spend most days preparing meals, cleaning, keeping DD from climbing on the table, etc that I don't know when/how I would have structured school time but I'm sure I could figure that out.

I just needed to vent. This is keeping me from sleeping. I know it isn't the case, but I feel like whatever decision we make now will determine the rest of his path and we have to get it right.

[spaz]

Smile.. I've been there... I still remember when we were dating in med school and we went to a Christian Medical Dental Society function and one of the sponsors homeschooled her children. My future husband and I thought that was the stupidest thing we had ever heard... They are WAY overprotecting their children, they can't possibly do a good job, etc...

Be careful what you say/think.... Because many years later I felt like I was called to homeschool. I wrote my husband a letter when the boys started 1st and 3rd grade and told him the reasons I thought it would be a good idea. I asked him to spend the next year in prayer and researching it and if he agreed it was a good idea then we would start the following schoo lyear. I've never looked back.

In your shoes, this is what I would do:

Research homeschool co-ops in your area! Ours is a nice size group with various ages. The moms with younger kids have park days and all kinds of fun field trips. Now that I'm on the other end, I've been organizing support for those with high school ages. ( That can be harder to find.) Go to a meeting and listen and ask questions. I know our group sometimes has a you're thinking about homeschooling type program for those thinking about it.

For kindergarten, it is pretty easy. You need to read aloud TONS and TONS of books.. ( You should be doing that now anyway, public school or homeschool.) You will need to decide on some kind of phonics program. You will need a handwriting program and at least a math plan if not a curriculum. It won't take long and you will break it up. You will cuddle and read a book together. Then you might do 10 to 15 minutes of the phonics program... B buhh.. boy ball, can you come up with some? I did Saxon phonics and it was all spelled out for me. I think it had handwriting linked in there so we would practice the B. Anyway, no more than 30 minutes at one time. Then go play or something. In a couple of hours come back and count things. Practice writing the number 8. Ask in real life what happens if I have 2 crayons and I get 2 more, how many crayons do I have now? I think I did Saxon math as well in the early stages but I was NOT a slave. Saxon is meant for the public school classroom and you do NOT need to do ALL of the activities in there. In fact, it would be overkill. But it at least gave me a guideline for what I needed to teach him. ( Since I taught high school and had never taught anyone to read, that was intimidating for me.)

A lot of people hate Saxon, though, and that is where finding a co-op will be helpful. People can share what they use. Also, you need to seek out what kind of co-op you want. Some are very conservative Christian, some are more inclusive and some are unschoolers. You need to find one that has a philosophy that although you may not completely agree with, you can at least live with!!!

Good luck. I remember the agonizing decision. I wanted to do it when my oldest went to K, but I was chicken about talking to my hubby about it. I was afraid he would think I was crazy... He was VERY surprised but agreed to try it since I felt so strongly about it and now he wouldn't do anything else.

[Pollyanna]

We are homeschooling kinder right now. The first thing I want to tell you is that the decision you make now WILL NOT determine the rest of his path. I promise you it does not. I know it feels that way, but you can always change direction.

That said, we were not really interested in homeschooling but a variety of things lead us in that direction this year. The socialization won't be an issue, there are so many groups and activities to get involved in that the issue may be finding time for school, lol. Let me know if you have any questions!

[spaz]

Oh, and NO this decision does not determine the rest of his future. You may decide to send him and then later decide to homeschool like I did. You may decide to homeschool and then later send them to school. To be honest, we re-evaluated year by year. However, when they get to high school, they need to decide before they start. Many high schools won't accept high school credit from homeschoolers.. So mine needed to decide before they were a freshman what they wanted to do.

But relax... Grin, isn't this the pot calling the kettle black!!!!

[MAPPLEBUM]

re: socializing. My oldest sister was homeschooled from middle school through high school. Myself and other sister were homeschooled UNTIL high school. My youngest brothers went all the way through. We always belonged to co'ops. In elementary school I studied Spanish with a couple other homeschool families. In middle school we took Latin and then Hebrew with the pastor of my mom's church. I was in a Geography class with probably 10 families. We were also of course in music so that took up evenings and I played on a softball team through middle school. And then of course we were very active in the church. It was great to be home the first part of the day and just leave in the afternoons. It being one on one you can get SO MUCH done. It was not uncommon for me to finish all of my work by 10:00am. Many times we did school at the beach

My brothers (twins) just graduated last year. Let's just say my mom was a little burned out but never felt it was the right time to put them in school. They ended up doing A LOT of work in co'ops. I think they went 3 or 4 times a week to "schools" of other homeschoolers where parents taught subjects in their field. Homework, tests, the whole shebang. At the end of the day it was still a co'op and not actual school but it took pressure off my mom, and the twins had way more socializing during the day than I did.

Good luck! You sound like a really smart, thoughtful woman. I'm sure you'll figure out what's best.

[v-girl]

My homeschooled kids get a lot of social time. Haha! Maybe too much. Only my oldest goes to a group class (just started last night — art history taught to a group of 4 high schoolers at someone's house).


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[Pollyanna]

Oh, and NO this decision does not determine the rest of his future. You may decide to send him and then later decide to homeschool like I did. You may decide to homeschool and then later send them to school. To be honest, we re-evaluated year by year. However, when they get to high school, they need to decide before they start. Many high schools won't accept high school credit from homeschoolers.. So mine needed to decide before they were a freshman what they wanted to do.

But relax... Grin, isn't this the pot calling the kettle black!!!!

Yes, yes!!! Interestingly, around here SOOOO many people take schooling decisions year by year. Moving around schools here is NOT uncommon (it was in AZ). Folks are very free to say that they decide on a year by year basis what is best for each child in their family. It's a very interesting dynamic and kids seem far more relaxed with change in a school setting.

[spotty_dog]

You've got until the fall, so you have lots of time to research. Read John Holt, Susan Wise Bauer, and anything else you can get your hands on to see what approach speaks to you. The terrific thing about kindergarten is that you can't screw it up! A kiddo from a loving engaged home with parents who talk to him and get him out of the house and show him things in his life and environment, will be beautifully poised to hit the ground running in first. The only issue might be the conformity aspect, learning to stay quiet and sit in circle and raise hands and line up, etc. He'll figure that out fairly quickly though. IMO, the danger will be the fear that you need to replicate school kindergarten by doing 6 hours of work per day. Um, NO! A few minutes a day of structured work at most, and you really will be golden.

You could consider a good play-based preschool program, not for socialization per se, but just as a little check-up to have a trained teacher seeing him in a group of kids his own age, one who's been educated to cross-check his social and emotional development in that environment. Co-op preschools are great for that because then you get to be there and see him with the group of kids yourself and get hands-on experience helping him navigate things like relationships and transitions if he needs it.

I have been there, and chose school plus enrichment (mostly because kindy is half-time here). It also kept me up nights. But Pollyanna is SO right. This is NOT the last chance you will have to make this choice! He's YOUR kiddo, and you can choose to put him in or pull him out of educational environments any time you like. Whatever you decide, if you decide it from a place of love and wanting what's best for your child, I think it can't be the wrong choice. Good luck!!

[Thirteen]

DS1 will be sent at age 5, but DS2's birthday is after the cutoff, so he'll be 6. We are right there with you: trying to figure out school stuff is hard. DS1 currently attends an amazing private school - they have mandatory 5x week with age 4. Now, the preschool tuition jumps... but we also have the option to send him to VPK at a site of our choosing for no money. This brings up the whole "Should we send him to VPK for free, then transition to public school, or should we keep him in the private preschool [pay more], and consider just sending him to private school [$$$] until they stop [6th grade]?" My husband usually brings up homeschooling as an option at this point, and TBH, I haven't shot it down. I just don't know.

[civilspouse]

You guys always have such great advice! I was feeling pretty good about our plan to send DS to a few months of preschool right now and then kindergarten in the fall. Then last night I got an e-mail that he got a spot at a super awesome preschool for next year that I'd been looking into if we decided to go that route. I have to decide asap so they can move down their waitlist. The non refundable fees and one month tuition required for registration add up to about $500. I did register him for a more basic preschool next year so we could have that as a back up, but their registration fee was only $50. I think he's ready for kindergarten, but I just really loved the preschool. I think I'll turn it down and keep it in mind for when DD is ready for preschool. It would have been tough anyways because it's a co-op and you have to volunteer in the classroom. That is one of the things I like about it, but I'd have to find something to do with DD and it is a bit more expensive than the other preschools.

At first DH was pushing to hold DS back (DH is an Aug birthday and repeated Kindergarten). After we talked about it and did more research he is set on sending DS this fall. DH makes a decision and moves on. Meanwhile I keep going back and forth, looking at preschools, and trying to decide if we are making the right decision .

[GrayMatterWife]

I HS my older two (10 and 6), my 4yo goes to public preK and my 22 mth old is in F/T daycare. I never ever ever thought I would HS, but it turned out to be a good choice for us.

My only recommendation is: know why you're HSing. You mentioned something about you not being ready, he's you baby... This is not about what you're ready for. It's about what he's ready for. HS is a great option, but do it because it is in his best interests, not because you don't want him to leave the nest.

That being said, I also think kindergarten is way overblown. Don't overthink it.

[bobk]

I agree with the others. Don't overthink it at all. We've done homeschooling and public school with both working out fine. It's all good, whatever works for your family. There are tradeoffs with either approach. I disagree with socialization being an issue with homeschooling. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere and rarely leave the house, it's not a concern. If anything, homeschoolers do better because they spend more time interacting with adults and children of different ages rather than spending most of the day with their peers.

[metroguy]

i'm of opinion, the faster they're out of the house--the better. if they're ready for kindergarten, i would send them.. i send my 3 yr to a full day nursery. my 6 yr goes to first grade. she wakes up at 6:30am--leave the house at 7am and doesn't get back until 4pm. with 1-2 hr of hw and other enrichments -- her hours are longer the mine. i think she might have maybe an hr of free time a day.

[SuzySunshine]

You are in the B school district, right? My kids didn't go there (not old enough) but I heard great things about it... Good luck!

[civilspouse]

Yes we are SS. I emailed the principal and he was really helpful and set me up with a kindergarten teacher to talk to and I visited her class. DS started preschool through the rec center this week and so far really likes it. I looked into the one you recommend but didn't get a response for weeks. I guess they are in a different building this year and I'd already enrolled DS in the other program. We are planning to do kindergarten next year and just see how it goes. Like everyone has said we can always change course if necessary.


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