Extracurriculars and Time Management

[MrsK]

How do you do it? How do you manage your time? My oldest is in kindergarten. So far, he has OT one afternoon/week and I pick him up from school early to do that. All the kids have swim lessons (together) on Saturdays which is the only time we could do it and it still interferes with social and religious (mostly religious since we are Jewish) activities. Now, K1 wants to do cub scouts and religious school and he's complaining about the stuff he misses on Saturday mornings. When I suggested we switch swimming to Thursday evenings, he said we should keep it as it is. Soon, all three kids will have sports and religious school and scouts and those are all reasonable things that I want them to do. I'm avoiding team sports like little league that will take up more than one evening/week but how do kids have time for homework, socializing, or sleep? Especially when there are multiple kids in a household?

[Michele]

Mondays I work and my mom takes the youngest to soccer practice while my dad stays home with the older two. Tuesdays right now, I'm coaching the middle guy in basketball and the oldest gets picked up by his coach for soccer and the youngest comes with me, then they all come with me to my softball game/was football practice. Wednesdays the oldest stays after school for chorus (I'm working) and a neighbor brings him home, the younger 2 come home on the bus with their cousin. Thursdays I take all three to the oldest soccer practice. My Friday night football games are ending soon. Saturdays are now soccer and this is the last week of basketball, so my mom is helping transport one to her game while I'm at other games. Sunday the youngest goes to church with my mom and sister and the older two go to the gym with me.

I want to add piano again but there isn't any time!! I limit them to one sport each. I want to do more but I don't know how I'd fit it in!! It's not really fair to lean on my parents so much! But I can't afford a sitter on top of all of the activities....and it's scary having someone else drive my kids!!

Sleep before 8:30 is rare anymore...though I try to get it closet to 7:30-8. They don't always finish their homework after school before practices....sometimes it gets finished before breakfast (early risers), sometimes it gets done during someone else's practice and sometimes it just doesn't get done. I socialize on my days off while the kids are at school or during my softball/football. Thankfully the other moms/dads help watch the kids at the ball fields when the adults play. Though sometimes my mom or dad will watch them and sometimes I do get a sitter. We rarely do play dates anymore. They socialize at school or on the bus. If we do playdates, it's me letting a kid go to someone else's house while I deal with other kid activities. It was a process....my letting go of control of their whereabouts....but I don't have control at their dad's and I work and there is only one of me. So I do the best I can with what I have.

[spaz]

Honestly, that is one of the reasons why I started homeschooling. Trying to do all of that and do public school was crazy with three kids. Life became saner in that regard once we homeschooled. I'm sorry I don't have many answers.

[spotty_dog]

During basketball season, we had Monday DD karate at 5pm (get off the bus, get a snack, get in the car for the half hour drive.) Tuesday science club (DD comes home on the bus, DS stays at school an extra hour) and then basketball practices for both kids at 5pm. Wednesday was free, Thursday was DS karate at 4pm (pick him up at school and drive straight there) then both basketball clinic at 5:30 (drive straight there from karate.) Fridays were free, Saturday mornings were basketball games for 1-2 hours. This month we're on an easier schedule, but soon we'll have each in a different karate class once weekly, DS with soccer practice MWF and games Saturday, DD with tball practice twice weekly and games once or twice weekly. It'll be a new adventure!

DD doesn't really have homework (it's assigned but we've got carte blanche to ignore it.) DS has homework due once weekly, and we tackle it in small increments -- he blasted through his spelling words, due tomorrow, during his sister's karate tonight. My kids are introverts, so school plus sports is PLENTY of social interaction for them. We never have a problem being in bed by 8:30 (lights off closer to 9 unless they're super tired) and neither has to wake up to an alarm, they're up between 7-7:30 and don't have to head to the bus stop until 8:30.

Basically we stick with once weekly karate (twice if we can squeeze it in) and then add one sport per kid on top of that. It's still a lot. I've posted about it here before and gotten good advice about crockpot dinners, homework and snacks in the car, and letting the little things slide.

[Phoebe]

My house isn't clean, no projects are done. Our schedule is insane. It is running me into the ground. Our kids are older and sports are more time intensive. There is no way they can do everything they want. Girl Scouts, 4-H and music would be great experiences, but there is no time.


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[ides]

I feel everyday is booked solid for us and I have difficulty getting it all in. Dinner is whatever I can make really fast. Granted, I have 1 kid but we have school, homework, swimming, guitar practice everyday (and a lesson once a week), Chinese and usually something else (soccer/science class) once a week. We barely get a bath in once a week. I can't imagine trying to juggle all that with multiple kids.

[MrsK]

This sounds nuts to me. Anyone else? Was it like this when we were kids?

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[Thirteen]

I was an overcommitted kid. It was hell, so we are swinging the opposite direction.
Kindergarten will be the first opportunity for DS1 to choose one activity. As it is right now, I'm over the driving (two preschools a day [one for VE/IEP], speech, and OT both 1x a week). Our daily lives are choppy.


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[Sheherezade]

People celebrate when their kid gets their license for a reason. I'm so glad I'm out of this phase of motherhood. It's a huge time suck, and in the other side you realize how much you've time you've given up.

[Ladybug]

Dont be afraid to say no. We prioritize time together as a family and as a couple. Everything else is secondary. My kids don't do as much as other kids. My kids are less stressed. I guess as a school nurse I've seen kids overscheduled and stressed enough to have no guilt about not doing something and all just chilling out together. Unless the kids is 10,000% into the activity we don't do it. By that I'm mean packing your own stuff, keeping up with your schedule, ready to go and helping with dinner/younger kids to get the family moving. I also keep winters low key. We only ski as a family, and no winter sports. Spring is busy for us, but everyone is so ready to be outside again that it folds nicely into our lives. By the end of softball/lacrosse season I'm so ready to take a break for the summer. Some familes are good about car pooling to split the taxi duty. My kids get bored and that's great in IMO. The imagine and create. Isabel and Lucy are currently writing stories. Isabel has canvases, paints and an easel in her room. She gets bored and she paints. There is tremendous value to down time and boredom. Creativity and independent thinking need to grow in quiet spaces. I figure when they are in middle school and if they really want to do some activities transportation is usually provided by the school at that point. That's what we did growing up.

[spotty_dog]

I had Girl Scounts from ages 6 to 8 and softball from ages 8 to 13 or so? But I was also basically a latch key kid. My kids do love their "free days," but when offered the chance to drop an activity, they are aghast. We don't do Scouts and we don't have religious activities. We haven't been able to make music lessons happen. I'm nervous for this coming busy season, and even more nervous for future years when we might be on travel teams or the karate demonstration club. But we're taking it one month at a time for now, doing what we can cope with and what we enjoy.

[MDPhDWife]

Our philosophy is very similar to Ladybug's. DD14 would sign up for every sport and activity under the moon if I let her, while DD11 is an introverted homebody. Because of that dynamic, my younger DD got drug along to all her sisters stuff in their younger years. One year of club soccer drained us and much to older DD's dismay, we put a stop to that and said she could go back to recreational or the school team. Once they got to middle school, we were able to limit activities to one per season. DD14 now does volleyball and track. Her school didn't have a soccer team this year, so she had the winter season off. DD11 joined Girl Scouts for the first time this year. So far this has worked out really well and has kept things pretty low stress. I am looking forward to DD14 getting her license in the next year or two, although I worry about her being a teenage driver. I know my kids do far less than their peers but I truly believe they enjoy our family time together. There's only so many years left when we'll all be under the same roof so I want to cherish those years as much as possible and avoid a hectic schedule. As it is, once they hit the teenage years they want to spend a good amount of time with their friends, so I have to protect what little time we get together.

[Auspicious]

Mine are in K and 2nd, and things have really consolidated around their school this year. Speech therapy is now during the school day for my Kindergartner. They both take Karate, which is offered by an outside business, but class is held in the school gym right after school. They also have an off-site karate studio, and make-up classes, summer classes, and belt tests are held there.

My 2nd grader also takes piano, and her piano teacher lives in our community and has a daughter who was in Cora's kindergarten class, so she picks up Cora and her daughter from school and then I pick up Cora from her house after the lesson time. Practice every day, but it doesn't take that long. My younger daughter will also start piano next year when she starts first grade.

Kindergartner rarely has homework other than reading together, which we incorporate into bedtime, and 2nd grader usually has one math worksheet and then also does her reading at bedtime.

I definitely have wondered if it is enough, and if we should be doing something more intensively. I didn't want to over-schedule my kindergartner, because it's a long school day here, and I remembered what an adjustment it is at the beginning of the year. My 2nd grader has some things coming up when she gets to upper elementary that I think she's going to want to try--LEGO team, Girls on the Run, basketball etc.

We have dropped stuff from the past that was no longer clicking--ballet, soccer, My Gym class.

Next school year with a new baby in the house I'm hoping to keep these same activities, though if they want to add or possibly swap something that is based at the school or the Y (which is also very close to our house) we can probably do that.

I did a ton of extracurriculars in middle and high school, but I think was only doing one thing at their age (dance class).

[Pollyanna]

It's hard to say the best way to handle extracurriculars because every kid and every family is different. The only nonnegotiable for us is that our kiddos never miss Mass for an extracurricular. They know it's not an option. Luckily the Catholic Church provides many many Mass times so that has never been an issue for us, we just make it work. Beyond that the kiddos are encouraged to sign up for what interests them. DS15 does wrestling and lax at school. Dh and I can rarely make it to a match or game together because we have other kiddos that need to get places. Our kids are pretty low key and are cool if a parent or older sibling can come.
Dd13 dances everyday but Sunday. We have to drive her but it's not a competition studio so the demands are different. Dd7 dances 3 days per week and DD3 just one day. We are busy every night but the kiddos love what they are doing and I think it's really helpful to find a passion and work hard at it. That I'm willing to support. I also realize how quickly this time passes and before you know it they're driving themselves to practice.
I would say to find your nonnegotiable, make the kiddos aware and then reevaluate each year.

[houseelf]

I find this so fascinating.

What works for us is living in a three square mile town where a lot of this stuff is walkable and a highly developed network for a car pool. We rarely let our kids do anything more than rec league because we just can't manage the time commitment. The very rare times that we have let them do a more club style activity, it is carefully vetted at an older age. (Summer travel lacrosse is May-July and my oldest did it the summers before 8th and 9th grade years). My daughter cheers but does prep team, which starts in November and ends in late March with only 3-4 regional competitions. She tumbles at least once a week year round to maintain skill, but we just won't bump her up to the year round, which is traditionally what happens after a year of prep team. This is a good level of commitment for us. She gets a little more discipline and team work than cheering for the school but it isn't like a reality TV show either.

Since I am working part time and going to school AND my third (kindergarten) has started his first foray in activities, a lot has been messed up. I've become a bit of a flake. I don't mean to, but at least once a month someone is texting me asking if one of my kids is going to show up to practice. Even with limitations and a good set up, it is too much. Luckily, I don't sweat it much. I"m not raising NCAA athletes or professional musicians. I mean well and forgive myself. I'm starting to transfer scheduling over to the older two kids via the iPhone calendar but even with that, mom somehow remains the both the Army Quartermaster and Signal Company (communications) commander who gets all the troops and supplies to everyplace.

My oldest takes his driving license test next week, so there is that as well. :eek.