Extracurriculars and Time Management

[MrsK]

I'm *not* the room mom and I'm still supposed to be there.

FWIW, the blogger is a friend of mine and she is pretty accurate in her depiction of our community. She was a PTO president, having signed up after she found herself 12th on the room mom waiting list. It is pretty out of control.

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[spotty_dog]

LOL! I am reading a book about being a good sports parent, and another about avoiding sports injuries in kids. Both emphasize that early specialization is detrimental to kids in lots of ways, and that you should only put your kids in the sports activities that fit your family and that they enjoy -- even in the tiny rare chance that they are going to go pro or get a college scholarship, it's actually better to cross-train and be well-rounded and not burn out or get repetitive stress injuries. So right now my dilemma is whether to let my son try out for Select/travel soccer, which goes from summer through fall and involves weekend games that can be hours away. I don't wanna, and I don't think it would be healthy for him (he'd probably have to drop karate for the fall, and karate has been amazing for him for the last three-ish years.) And it costs about $600 for the season! But he's so excited that he could even try out, whether he could be on the team or not. Ugh.

I totally believe that social expectations can be very different in different communities. I get a stomachache just thinking of the hothouse environment of the greater Bay Area for example! I'm pretty glad that the pressure isn't so high here, although sometimes I wish people felt like they needed to be more involved with PTA or in the classroom or even just help the coaches instead of hanging on the sidelines.

[Thirteen]

Extracurriculars and Time Management

Select or club soccer is pretty time sucking, and high injury rate. I'd let him stay in karate.



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[Sheherezade]

Travel soccer along with rec soccer and indoor soccer is why I think my son blew his ACL in 8th grade. There is something to the year round use thing, IMHO.

That said, I've been sad to see that playing the sports "game" as a road to college admissions does seem to work. It may not bring scholarships, but the odds of your kid getting in to an elite school as a football or soccer player (provided they still have the grades and scores) are much higher. Our high performing district has a string of football players at Princeton, UPenn, JHU, etc. The sports angle worked as the coach request does influence who gets admitted among equally qualified kids, much to my chagrin.


Angie

[Sheherezade]

FYI, just read the blog post. We live in a similar community. Again - sadly- some of hose kids DO end up being the violin prodigy, Eagle Scout, math whiz, soccer stars. We have one exactly like that except it's golf, piano/cello, Eagle Scout and he just got a perfect score on his ACTs.

At some point, the issue becomes less you running around and more the environment your kid is swimming in daily. My kid feels the pressure all the time to do everything, and do it all well. It's a lot for them and they need to learn how to handle the competition sanely. Seriously, some of these kids crash epically with drugs, suicide and all that. The pressure to do it all and be perfect at it all is a real issue for this generation. It's harder in these types of communities. So when you set boundaries, realize you may be helping your kid by modeling that it's ok to NOT do everything. That said, I do feel like my kid feels bad for "only" being a star student and musician - no sports to brag about and no stellar summer internship lined up. She learned the term "gunner" this year and it's helped her to realize some people are just always going to do it all but you don't have to follow.


Angie

[Pollyanna]

I'm *not* the room mom and I'm still supposed to be there.

FWIW, the blogger is a friend of mine and she is pretty accurate in her depiction of our community. She was a PTO president, having signed up after she found herself 12th on the room mom waiting list. It is pretty out of control.

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You mean the teacher says a parent has to come to the parties or just that your kiddos want you to come? I will say that once you have several in the same school going to the parties and stuff is pretty easy. Our school in TN limits who can come to parties and only allows the room parent on field trips...it. is. awesome!! Makes everything very simple and more about the kids than the parents. The blog is still mommier than thou in my opinion.

Angie is right on about sports being a gateway to college. And if you have sports and can complete the package with grades and test scores you are golden. Injuries are an issue when you only do one sport but if you do two or three you have to be ready to be punished by the coaches for not being "committed to the team". DS16 gets this all the time because wrestling and lax overlap. He had to drop football because that overlapped on the front end of wrestling and with Jr year quickly approaching he needs more time for his school work.

Our kiddos fall somewhere in the middle of the crazy. They stay busy doing things they are passionate about but don't walk on water too (kwim?) and yes, sometimes school "gets in the way". This is why dd14 chose to homeschool for 7th and 8th grade. Up at 6am, school till 3, dance till 9pm on most days and then homework till 11pm (rinse repeat) was just too much for her. But I would argue that to give up something she is passionate about simply because teachers think 2 hours of homework per night is reasonable would be counterproductive for her as a person and student. There are ways to make it all work. Interestingly enough, I was talking to a mom that just moved her from NYC. She taught high school there and she was saying that many of the prep schools are eliminating homework all together. I hope that trend moves it's way across the country!!

In the end you have to do what works for your family. Many kids thrive doing activities they love and it makes them a better student as well. You just need to find that happy medium.

[SoonerTexan]

[MENTION=1102]Pollyanna[/MENTION] "the don't walk on water" 😂


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[spotty_dog]

I think I'm going to pull the sports specialization thing, and the Select soccer or not question, out in another thread.

I'm pretty happy with our involvement right now. DD has one practice and one game for t-ball, and one karate class. DS has three practices (long ones that go late in the evening, boo) for soccer and one game, and one karate class. The problem is something like tonight where they literally have to be in two places at once. Or when they have to miss a Saturday birthday party because brother has a game.

[SoonerTexan]

So I think I'm going to totally push our kids towards things we are already interested in (running, biking, golf, summer swimming) and see if any take. I love the idea of them being able to spend time with us doing things as a family or with a parent...on our terms. N has been talking about how she is going to bike ride with daddy forever.

I'm sure it won't be that easy, but maybe when they see what kind of bike/clubs daddy is willing to buy them because he is a sucker for cycling and golf, they will reconsider


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[spotty_dog]

We have friends with a daughter our son's age who is cleaning up in indoor BMX. DH bought DS a nice secondnand bike and put him in a kids' cyclocross event last year, and it was horrifyingly bad, LOL. That said he's much stronger and more coordinated now after another year of soccer and karate, and I'm going to encourage him to bike a lot for cross-training this summer. He's also super keen on running. It's hard for us to get out to run together though.

[MrsK]

[MENTION=1102]Pollyanna[/MENTION] We go to all the assemblies, parents and siblings go on one of the field trips, we go to kindergarten graduation and my preschooler has a picnic/field day that parents must attend. Those are the mandatory ones. This accounts for more than half of the days for the next three weeks. Also, it's on mom to remember pyjama day, spirit of, teacher appreciation week participation. My kindergartener isn't keeping his own schedule yet and he can't drive himself in the store to buy flowers for his teacher.

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[SoonerTexan]

[MENTION=1102]Pollyanna[/MENTION] We go to all the assemblies, parents and siblings go on one of the field trips, we go to kindergarten graduation and my preschooler has a picnic/field day that parents must attend. Those are the mandatory ones. This accounts for more than half of the days for the next three weeks. Also, it's on mom to remember pyjama day, spirit of, teacher appreciation week participation. My kindergartener isn't keeping his own schedule yet and he can't drive himself in the store to buy flowers for his teacher.

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So how does this shake out when both parents work???


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[MrsK]

So how does this shake out when both parents work???


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I have no idea. K1 earned a special honor for which there is a school assembly tomorrow. DrK can't go. He's juggling to make it to kindergarten graduation because there is a performance and K1 is super excited about having landed the part of the letter "I". Seems pretty standard that moms stay home in our neighborhood school.

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[Ladybug]

I don't work full time. Most of the moms I know have some sort of modified work hours. I definitely bow out of any class obligations and have no problem setting limits on our activities. I've treated so many stressed, over-scheduled kids so...no. It only snowballs as they get into HS.

[Pollyanna]

@Pollyanna "the don't walk on water" 


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Lol, its a standard quote around here. Our kids will readily admit that many of the kids that also "walk on water" have parents that sit at their elbow to monitor homework (even in high school), have parents that manage issues with teachers, coaches, etc. But when asked if they'd prefer we be more like that they are quick to say, "no, please, don't be that parent!!" They're happy to be just pretty okay


MrsK, I wasn't suggesting K1 can keep his own schedule, was just wondering how parties can be mandatory? Much of this stuff is mandatory because we or our kiddos make it so and that is a okay if it works for you, its also okay to say, sorry, mom can't make it. Elementary goes quickly and it will be much easier for you when they are in the same school.