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School’s Out for Summer

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  • School’s Out for Summer

    And I’m terrified. My usual summer sitter is unavailable. The one I hired bailed. Now my back up is a 12yo girl who, well, acts like a 12yo. She’s good for sitting with the kids at the movies while I take someone to the bathroom but otherwise, not so much. I can’t leave her alone with my crew.

    K1’s (8.5yo) almost as tall as I am but behaves like an unreasonable toddler a great deal of the time. He’s very impulsive, doesn’t process verbal directions well, cannot just sit when I need to do something for the other kids (for instance, sit through his sister’s dance recital or his brother’s martial arts class), and he has inappropriate emotional outbursts. I have to constantly redirect him and remind him of the expected behavior. K2 (almost 7) is eager to please and needy. He resorts to negative attention getting behaviors if he doesn’t have my undivided attention 100% of the time. And he rarely has my undivided attention because, hello, three kids! Lambie (4) is very sassy. She argues about absolutely everything and tantrums when she doesn’t get her way (not that having a big hissy fit has ever been effective). I think (hope) we’ve finally gotten past the phase where she cuts her own hair but now we’ve moved on to a phase where she deliberately pees in inappropriate places. She thinks these shenanigans are hilarious.

    Every time I turn my attention to one child, the other two engage in a behavior that is destructive. I feel like I’m running from fire to fire. They aren’t babies any more. We should be past this phase. I think it’s mostly K1 bringing down the average age of my kids. There are times when he behaves more like he’s 5 or 6 than like an 8yo.

    DrK is never home and when he is, he’s barely conscious. Today was really bad; I am so exhausted that I could cry and I feel like I’m just a horrible mother. I’m trying to do fun things with the kids, play Pokémon GO, go to the library, have a family movie night. But they are so uncooperative that I end up exhausted and blowing my stack by supper time. How am I going to manage the summer?


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    Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

  • #2
    Care.com ASAP. I actually got good responses - mostly from college early child education majors for a job I posted just for July and first two weeks of August.

    Otherwise... run away! Lol. I have no advice.


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    • #3
      I know a single mom here whose 9yo is extremely impulsive and she has an infant as well, and works full time. I think she relies a lot on the local boys and girls club, and on friends. Do you have summer camps, or people who could give you a respite from a kid or two at a time?
      Alison

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      • #4
        Originally posted by spotty_dog View Post
        I know a single mom here whose 9yo is extremely impulsive and she has an infant as well, and works full time. I think she relies a lot on the local boys and girls club, and on friends. Do you have summer camps, or people who could give you a respite from a kid or two at a time?
        I registered the kids for a bunch of classes as soon as I found out that the sitters fell through. The boys have 3hrs/4x weekly for June. I couldn’t get Lambie into anything that doesn’t require an adult companion....which means I couldn’t get her into anything because I don’t have any place to park the boys. There really isn’t anything reasonably affordable that would keep them busy more than that. I just know that the “witching hours” from about 3-7 are dreadful and DrK rarely makes it home before the kids are in bed.


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        • #5
          Also, I’m worried that shleping them to all these classes is going to drive me bats.


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          • #6
            I hear you, the struggle is real.

            Tomorrow is the last day of prek and from 9-11 AM we are going to a local park with the 3 year old class for a "field trip." That is just mean! (I've heard two other moms bitching about it too, haha!). N is out next week. Honestly, she is almost the worst. She is emotionally easy, but my messiest kid and constantly wants to do crafts and crap. Keeping her entertained is hard.

            I signed N and J up for swimming lessons and a few camps, but we just cannot afford more right now. I think my plan is to burn them out every morning. Playdates. The park. Splash pad. The YMCA. That gets us to lunch and then we have mandatory "rest time" where the toddler naps and the older two can read/play Skybrary/watch TV BUT THEY AREN'T ALLOWED TO BOTHER MOMMY. That gets me to about 3 pm and with the break I think I can make it!

            Does your JCC have childcare? The Y has been a lifesaver for us. We will go 2-3 times a week for 1-2 hours. Childcare max is 2 hours, so I will work out for 1 and just chill for 30min-1hr. I know lots of people that have dropped their kids in the childcare and just stayed in the building without even working out. They have a fun/cheap tumbling class for the boys and the childcare is actually really good--they do a lot of fun things with them. My kids get tired of it but they know it is non-negotiable at this point. Something to consider--you could get a break to work out and then read or something for a little bit a couple times a week.
            Married to a newly minted Pediatric Rad, momma to a sweet girl and a bunch of (mostly) cute boy monsters.



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            • #7
              Originally posted by SoonerTexan View Post
              I hear you, the struggle is real.

              Tomorrow is the last day of prek and from 9-11 AM we are going to a local park with the 3 year old class for a "field trip." That is just mean! (I've heard two other moms bitching about it too, haha!). N is out next week. Honestly, she is almost the worst. She is emotionally easy, but my messiest kid and constantly wants to do crafts and crap. Keeping her entertained is hard.

              I signed N and J up for swimming lessons and a few camps, but we just cannot afford more right now. I think my plan is to burn them out every morning. Playdates. The park. Splash pad. The YMCA. That gets us to lunch and then we have mandatory "rest time" where the toddler naps and the older two can read/play Skybrary/watch TV BUT THEY AREN'T ALLOWED TO BOTHER MOMMY. That gets me to about 3 pm and with the break I think I can make it!

              Does your JCC have childcare? The Y has been a lifesaver for us. We will go 2-3 times a week for 1-2 hours. Childcare max is 2 hours, so I will work out for 1 and just chill for 30min-1hr. I know lots of people that have dropped their kids in the childcare and just stayed in the building without even working out. They have a fun/cheap tumbling class for the boys and the childcare is actually really good--they do a lot of fun things with them. My kids get tired of it but they know it is non-negotiable at this point. Something to consider--you could get a break to work out and then read or something for a little bit a couple times a week.
              I always forget about the childcare at the J! I used to take the boys there when I was pregnant with Lambie, then nap in the lounge because I was so exhausted and couldn’t trust the boys not to kill themselves if I dozed at home.

              My plan was to have one organized activity daily. Some of that stuff, I need the mother’s helper to pull off because we are still in the “everyone needs to come with if someone needs to potty” phase of parenting. That’s where the 12yo comes in, assuming that she can hold herself together and doesn’t become a burden. If she’s a burden, I’ll have to find some way to tell her mom that it’s not working out which will suuuuuck. My helper in the past was older and more likely to just jump in when things got hairy. Also, I don’t expect a 12yo to be good for helping more than a couple hours or to help bathe the boys and stuff like that. K1 is almost as big as this girl.

              I feel badly that I’m so worried about spending time with my children. I should be looking forward to this. Soon, K1 won’t want to hang out with me and the summer goes fast. It’s just those days get very long when I don’t have cooperation. I tell the kids that they can burn up my energy being difficult or we can have fun. The last couple weeks haven’t been fun.


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              • #8
                I’m right there with you.

                And did I mention our nanny this year is having a baby so this is her last week. I’ve hired her replacement but the girl seems like a pushover and I’m betting the house will be a disaster every day. And I have to find time to pack....ugh!

                I’ve got them in a couple of camps. Not all at once except for the almost free week of VBS but the little ones are going to 3 weeks of camp. It’s so expensive that it’s killing me but I don’t see how I can pack and still work in the afternoons.

                Poor C is the one getting the shaft. She’s staying home with me for 1 week and another week of her “camp” is going to be with mostly littler kids because that was the only camp I could find that would take all 3. I guess she will just help mommy pack.
                [MENTION=1498]MrsK[/MENTION], I second the “care.com” suggestion. You will definitely find somebody. And if it’s too hard to find somebody to learn exactly what each kid needs, etc. then focus on finding someone for Lambie or just the boys. That would give you some break or help.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                Married to a Urology Attending! (that is an understated exclamation point)
                Mama to C (Jan 2012), D (Nov 2013), and R (April 2016). Consulting and homeschooling are my day jobs.

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                • #9
                  I only have mine home for 2.5 weeks, and I'm stressing about it. E is emotional and impulsive sometimes, and C is a clingy, no compliant 2yo. We're doing swimming lessons in the mornings and playdates a lot of afternoons. I've got a big pop-up tent set up outside too for shaded water play so they don't destroy my house too.

                  Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
                  Allison - professor; wife to a urology attending; mom to baby girl E (11/13), baby boy C (2/16), and a spoiled cat; knitter and hoarder of yarn; photographer

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                  • #10
                    I signed my kids up for camp at their school for three weeks before we leave town for the summer. I think three weeks of camp was almost the same price as a full year of tuition (it’s 5 days and they only went 2, but still!!).

                    I tried to get them into all sorts of awesome camps while we’re visiting my family - turns out they have the worst camp bday... I tried so hard to get them all potty trained and no one would take them because they weren’t 3 by the time camp started. 🙄

                    But yeah- camp. So freaking expensive. It’s insane.

                    And high school babysitters. Honestly I’m so over them. We have like an Uber babysitting service here. I can’t tell you how unhelpful most are. I want all of them to leave their phones in the car!!!!!


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                    • #11
                      School’s Out for Summer

                      DS1: Two weeks of back to back “sports camp” with the PE teacher at his school (mornings, 9-12) at the beginning of June, then daily swimming lessons until school is back in session. (Maybe another week of something somewhere? VBS is 30 minutes away, one way, which brings me to...)

                      DS2: Full day ESY for the month of June (8:15-2:30pm) approx 20 min away from our house. (He qualified and I did emotional cartwheels because he is my busiest one and keeping him plugged in is very challenging) Swimming lessons for the rest of the summer until school starts. (He’s too little for VBS and most other camps) :/

                      Any air conditioned location (science museum, weekly library trips, maybe a movie if I feel insane that day) - daily gym time for me so I don’t go crazy. Our gym has kiddie care and they are known entities. Watching the World Cup games.
                      Short trip to see my parents in July.

                      Play dates with [MENTION=1890]niener[/MENTION]. 😂


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                      Wife to Family Medicine attending, Mom to DS1 and DS2
                      Professional Relocation Specialist &
                      "The Official IMSN Enabler"

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Thirteen View Post
                        DS1: Two weeks of back to back “sports camp” with the PE teacher at his school (mornings, 9-12) at the beginning of June, then daily swimming lessons until school is back in session. (Maybe another week of something somewhere? VBS is 30 minutes away, one way, which brings me to...)

                        DS2: Full day ESY for the month of June (8:15-2:30pm) approx 20 min away from our house. (He qualified and I did emotional cartwheels because he is my busiest one and keeping him plugged in is very challenging) Swimming lessons for the rest of the summer until school starts. (He’s too little for VBS and most other camps) :/

                        Any air conditioned location (science museum, weekly library trips, maybe a movie if I feel insane that day) - daily gym time for me so I don’t go crazy. Our gym has kiddie care and they are known entities. Watching the World Cup games.
                        Short trip to see my parents in July.

                        Play dates with [MENTION=1890]niener[/MENTION]. 😂


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                        This is pretty much my plan too.

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                        Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

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                        • #13
                          Don't feel like you have to drive in every day or every kid. You've paid them. My favorite days and memories are with kids alone. Don't hold yourself to the standard of showing up every day. Plan some surprise alone days with them too. Don't spend your whole summer in the car.
                          Last edited by Ladybug; 05-23-2018, 09:55 AM.
                          -Ladybug

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                          • #14
                            My kids aren't as much of a handful and I still prefer them fully occupied elsewhere by someone else. All of DD's camps are broken into 9-12 and 1-3. Shoot me now. Is it bad that I'm hoping that our recently graduated babysitter won't find a job until Sept?

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                            • #15
                              I don’t get on here very often so I apologize if you’ve already mentioned this but where is K1 in his therapy? I remember him having some struggles as a toddler. I’m asking because your description of him are all big adhd red flags. What stands out for me is that you say he is 8 but acts like a 5 or 6 year old. That sits firmly inline with the diminished executive function rule of 30%. Has he had genetic testing to determine what type of med might work best for him?
                              Best of luck finding a great caregiver!! I’d plan for daily swimming and then home for waterplay and those inflatable backyard water parks. Lots of sun, water, and popsicles makes for a fun summer and good nights sleep! 😀
                              Tara
                              Married 20 years to MD/PhD in year 3 of MFM fellowship. SAHM to five wonderful children (#6 due in August), a sweet GSD named Bella, a black lab named Toby, and 1 guinea pig.

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