Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

[peggyfromwastate]

I have to take Kate to a bus stop in the mornings- It's about a 5 minute drive from our house, and the bus takes her across the town to the magnet school about 25 to 30 minutes away. When I get there, there are at least 3 or 4 kids, and most of them have their parents with them. :huh: I kind of feel like a loser because I usually drop her off and go back home. I have the other kids in the car with me, and I need to get their breakfast and stuff. Honestly, even if there weren't any parents there, I would just drop her off. There are other kids, the stop is at an elementary school that has teachers arriving at the same time as the bus comes, so if there is a freak middle school abductor on the loose I don't think he'd choose that spot.

So I just thought the parents liked to see their kids off in the mornings... But then one of them (I know her from swim team) stopped me and asked if it would be OK to call me in case the bus was late and the other parents had to "go to work". She wanted me and the kids to truck it back to the bus stop and monitor the kids. I said, sure, but seriously, if I got that "call" I would really wonder. I'm glad their are parents there, I guess, but :huh: . It seems a little over-protective to me?

[MDPhDWife]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

It's hard to say because every parent has a different comfort level. Being that she's in mid school, I wouldn't have a problem leaving her there. Is it possible to if you do get the call to wait there in the car w/o having to unload all your kids?

The bus stop for DD's school is only 4 houses down from ours, so it's REALLY close and I can open my front door to monitor. Last year when she was in Kindergarten, I got a call from the school saying that since I wasn't physically at the bus stop to get her the bus driver took her back to the school and I needed to go pick her up. I felt like a horrible parent at the time, but there weren't any other parents there either. Turns out it's just a kindergarten thing? :huh:

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

Most of the other parents wait in their cars. There are like 5 idling cars and 12-15 kids by the time the bus gets there. So I can't see a time when I may have to go there to be the "adult", but I just think it's a little different that all the parents are hanging out waiting for the bus. :huh:

I also am the parent who sent her to school by herself, walking, when she was in 2nd grade, which no one does here.

[houseelf]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

Peggy, I've got your back on this one. Kate is a responsible 11 year old right? At what level do we give them a little freedom and independence? In this situation, she has the strength of a number of peers and it is for a short time. I agree that everyone has a different comfort level, but don't let them influence a your good judgment *IMHO*.

A similar "parenting peer pressure" happened to me this past summer when I casually announced that Cade would go to a week of summer camp. About half the parents I told got wide eyed and said, "But he's seven, right?" quickly followed by their proclamation that their kids were too young for that. In the end, he went to a hybrid camp of three days of day camp and 3 days of inhouse camp...only because he had just undergone a major transition of moving. He had an amazing time and I'm glad I went with my gut.

Yes, I realize we live a dangerous world and times have changed, but we can't shackle our kids either. I spent every single day at home alone after school from 3:30 to 5:00 from the second grade on. My mom only worked 3 blocks away and there were seriously strict protocols in place, but I am not scarred by the experience. I also believe that statistics bear out that crime was actually higher during this time frame than in the present.

But I digress. Go with your gut and don't get sucked in.

Kelly

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

Thanks! BTW, I love your digressions!!!

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

Peggy,

This always perplexed me too. I was also the mom that sent her elementary school kids walking to the bus stop on ther own after the first 2 weeks...and let them come home and just watched from the window. My goodness...our bus stop was just at the end of our cul-de-sac! All of the other moms stood out with their kids :huh:

We have to give them something to talk with their therapists some day! :>

kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

We have to give them something to talk with their therapists some day! :>

kris

OH, I think they'll find something to talk about... (so just add it to the list, I guess!)

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

I can't help but wonder if that's their passive-aggressive way of letting you know that 'they're babysitting your kid at the bus stop even though they have jobs to get to and you stay at home.'

At least that's how I might have interpreted it... Of course I'm very insecure about other parents, I had a very very bad experience with a parenting group I was involved with when the boys were 8 months old. I saw first hand how mean moms can be when their tongues start waggin' and I was 'not in the loop'... even though I had done nothing wrong... It was horrible.

I hope that's not the case but since no one else mentioned it I thought I would take a different angle on the situation..

But I'd also like to agree with what everyone else has said; You're the best judge of your daughter's character and abilities and if you feel comfortable dropping her off; she's going to be fine. Don't give in to the peer pressure. You know what your family's needs are.

And for the record, to those mean moms 3 years ago who broke my heart and my spirit for a long time: I still bad kharma you.

Whoof, I needed to get that out.

Sorry for the hijack. In school we take advantage of "Teachable Moments." This was a case of a "Therapeutic Moment." Thank you.

[Meenah]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

Jodi, I'm sorry that happened to you. Peggy, don't let them manipulate you. Reading this makes me think:

1- I'm so glad I'm done with this stage of parenthood.

2- I remember how mean other mom's can be.

3- To quote Kelly "sometimes, people just suck"!

[planet]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

But then one of them (I know her from swim team) stopped me and asked if it would be OK to call me in case the bus was late and the other parents had to "go to work". She wanted me and the kids to truck it back to the bus stop and monitor the kids. I said, sure, but seriously, if I got that "call" I would really wonder.

Hmmm, Jodi, I must share some of those insecurities too then since I read it rather badly as well. Especially the part that my perhaps oversensitive SAHMness would have honed in on...the assumption that since I wasn't "going to work" I would have nothing else pressing and could run back to watch the kids.

Personally, as a mom of still little ones only I can't imagine dropping and leaving, but at the same time I think parents know their own kids best and everyone has a different level of comfort.
:huh:

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

Well, now the school changed the bus schedule so that morning run means getting her there by 6:50 am. And so, we're going to a different drop off, at a not nice neighborhood, but she doesn't need to be there until 7:20. Since it's a crappy neighborhood, I'll be staying there to watch the big yellow monster roll up and take all the little inmates to the asylum. I bet not too many parents stick it out there. Probably not many of the neighborhood parents are even awake at 720. Hey- I'm gonna be "the really responsible (neurotic?) parent!"

I already had kind of the "clueless mom" rep with a lot of these people because of the whole swim team season (we are all part of the same pool-- our community pool here). Anyway, I would drop her at the meet and come back later. Sometimes I missed her swims, but... she honestly didn't care. Like most athletic things, she was there for the snacks. And life takes over sometimes. I just couldn't stay out in 100+ degrees with my other 3 bored kids who wanted nothing else but to get into the water, which they couldn't do at all because of the swimming... I did make it to most of the meets, but the ones I missed... Kate literally doesn't care- but the other moms. Such as life. Plus, they didn't get that Mac worked on the weekends- and was still at work for the mid-day swim meets which started at like 6 on a Wednesday. Out of my hands, people.

[Meenah]

Re: Parenting Peer Pressure at the bus stop

I wish you lived near me, we could have fun!!!!!!!!!!!