sassiness

[peggyfromwastate]

So, maybe we should rename this forum: Peggy's problems with her daughter...

Someone else please start some threads in here???! I know you are out there!

Anyway, I was just wondering what level of sassiness do you allow? Kate has always been a slam the door roll the eyes type of a gal. Delightful, let me tell ya. She says, "You are so lame," "You're from the stone ages ", etc. How much is too much?

As a kid, I was not allowed any sassiness. At all. I remember whispering one time, "You big pig" to my mom. She wasn't in the room but I still got a spanking. Unnatural hearing ability. I thought all sorts of evil stuff, but didn't verbalize so much.

[poky]

Re: sassiness

I used to slam my door at that age. A lot. Mom took it off its hinges once when she was fed up with it (after fair warning). I don't remember how well it worked to curb the behavior, but I definitely remember the punishment, over 20 years later.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: sassiness

We always threaten, as a very ultimate in ultimates, removing the door. But this is only really for if she gets into bad stuff. And she's not bad, just... tempermental.

The worst punishment she's ever gotten has been... us choosing her outfits for an entire week. She had already lost all of her other privileges...

[madeintaiwan]

Re: sassiness

We don't allow any level of disrespect. Not to us as parents or to the siblings. Have they tried? Oh for sure but disrespect is met with removal of privledges, discussions, more chores, etc. It just depend on the situation. We noticed that with our children age 10 is when this starts so we came down hard. That was the best thing we did because when our daughter hit thirteen the majority of these issues had already been resolved. I also think it's much harder to handle as they get older, better to nip it in the bud.

I don't have children in this age group but I did counsel/therapy this age group and ITA with Pollyanna. The longer you wait, the harder it is and there comes a point where it is almost pointless. My mother did not tolerate any level of sassiness. My mom and I are really great friends now. I am 29 and have never cursed in front of my mother or told her that I didn't like her, thought she was lame, ect.. Every kid is different and each have their own needs. Some kids need to be ridden harder than others while some kids just need a look and they fall into shape. My son is a great kid (so I have been told) but he also the kind of kid who will ride you if you let him. So when he tries to pull one on us we put the SMACK down and he knows not to go there again. I have no patience for kids who blatantly refuse to follow directions and are disrespectful.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: sassiness

This is taped to her door and pretty indicative of how she "sasses".



We do come down hard, esp compared to the parents around us who literally give their kids everything under the sun, and let them talk to them however they want...

She is the most strong willed of our kids by far. We have stopped completely the slamming of doors, and usually she is good about the rolling of eyes. She mostly tells us we are Lame not to be mean, but in a joking manner. She does tell me that Mac is lame when he's not here, all the time. SHe does frequently tell us we are the strictest parents, that her friends feel sorry for her, and that we never let her do anything fun... THese are the kinds of things she does. Outright sassing is quickly punished. She also knows that we are not her "friends" and that we don't need any 11-yo friends...

It just seems that everywhere in the media and kids shows the kids are sassy to the parents and it's all so... accepted. We don't even let her watch TV, so...

But when is it "picking your battles"? Should we allow her to roll her eyes maybe?

[PrincessFiona]

Re: sassiness

:>

Peggy, you'll have to let it slip that you know someone whose sassy son slammed the door in her face and in the process nearly cut off his entire finger...and had to have many, many stitches, the nail removed and sewn back onto the nailbed and is still wearing a splint over a month later because the cut through the bone shattered at some point in the healing process.

OH...and here...

This is what Amanda has hanging on her door. All of the girls made these plaques at girl scouts. They were supposed to be these beautiful tributes to themselves. Hey...at least my daughter knows herself :> :



kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: sassiness



I'll have to look to see if we have more pictures of her door posters! It's so funny.

[Meenah]

Re: sassiness

I would share some stories here, but I like you and would hate to totally depress you. Believe me, it does get better.
Unfortunately you have a ways to go before it gets better .

[diggitydot]

Re: sassiness

We don't allow any level of disrespect. Not to us as parents or to the siblings. Have they tried? Oh for sure but disrespect is met with removal of privledges, discussions, more chores, etc. It just depend on the situation. We noticed that with our children age 10 is when this starts so we came down hard. That was the best thing we did because when our daughter hit thirteen the majority of these issues had already been resolved. I also think it's much harder to handle as they get older, better to nip it in the bud.

In our house even rolling eyes or sighing at the wrong time is considered "sassing" and is grounds for getting their butts handed to them. Of all three of our stooges, our oldest is the one who we had to come down the hardest on for this. But even when we did that, it was when she was like 6 or 7. The other two have obviously learned from her mistakes. :>

We now very rarely have this issue and she's almost 12. When it does happen it's usually when she's just come home from school and is still in her "dealing-with-other-kids" mode of behavior and doesn't completely slip back into "home" behavior.