should I say anything?

[Rapunzel]

Re: should I say anything?

My parents didn't have plans for me - as in they didn't tell me in advance when I should or should not have children - if at all. The only "requirement" was the one that has been shown to be historically important - marriage first. And, that was it.

Thank goodness.

I guess that mom is just a control-freak then.

Poor kid.

I never realized how open-minded my own parents were (ie not caring where I was in my 20's, 30's, 40's etc when I had my children - if I chose to have any at all).

Seriously, that's still "issues" on the part of that mom. If everyone on here has mil's like that woman that Peggy encountered I can TOTALLY understand why so many of you are having such a nightmare of a time. It's so controlling!

[poky]

Re: should I say anything?

My parents didn't have plans for me - as in they didn't tell me in advance when I should or should not have children - if at all. The only "requirement" was the one that has been shown to be historically important - marriage first. And, that was it.

Thank goodness.

I obviously expressed myself poorly. My mother never told me when I should or shouldn't have kids or even if I should be married when I did. She expressed an opinion and a strong preference (as she did about a lot of things), but even when I went against her advice, she was 100% supportive. She'd also prefer to have grandchildren, but I only know that because of a conversation she had with someone else in my presence, she's never put any pressure on me about it at all. In short, she's not controlling, as I see it. I think part of it was that she just wanted me to not get to a point where I was dependent and unable to be self-sufficient, and knew that the earlier I had kids, the harder that would be. If I'd decided differently for myself, she would have been right there happy for me, cheering me on. :huh:

For those who did have hard-and-fast absolute parental "requirements" - how does that work? What happened (or was threatened) if you didn't do what they wanted? Written out of the will? Not welcome in the family home any more? I never once growing up heard any edicts like that about how I was to live my adult life, so I'm curious what consequences parents put out there for things like that.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: should I say anything?



Yes, Jenn-- you nailed it. Kate actually asked me if we used that "artificial fertililzation thing" to get pregnant. Like a turkey baster Kate?

I do get a wierd vibe from this mom, but I'll just say thank you when she comments on how young I look and move on! (Or I could go with Mac's approach-- Oh.. you can't be much more than 45!)

Anyway, you all make me feel better...

I did have Kate out of wedlock, though-- and Mac adopted her, he's not the bio dad. This is an issue always in the background, making me a bit paranoid in this arena... But ultimately, my parents, although this was not what they wanted, at all, were very supportive and wonderful through it all. My whole family was great- it rocked everyone's world. There is no way that this friend's mom could have possibly deduced all of this history though. Kate looks exactly like our other kids, and she looks like me quite a lot. So it really was an "age" issue for the mom... :huh:

[DCJenn]

Re: should I say anything?

"artificial fertililzation thing" to get pregnant.

OMG- that's so funny. I remember when I found my parent's condoms. I was soooooo skeeved out.

(not as much as my BF when she found her mother's vibrator though)

Jenn

[PrincessFiona]

Re: should I say anything?

"artificial fertililzation thing" to get pregnant.

OMG- that's so funny. I remember when I found my parent's condoms. I was soooooo skeeved out.

(not as much as my BF when she found her mother's vibrator though)

Jenn

:thud:

My tweens are really, really curious about the whole sex thing and when Thomas and I just kiss in the kitchen or he grabs me from behind or something, Amanda will shreak out "oh my GAWD, That is just SICK".

Re: should I say anything?

(not as much as my BF when she found her mother's vibrator though)

Jenn

I would still be in therapy. I know my parents had sex (or in this case may not have been having sex) ... but I don't want to think about it.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: should I say anything?

Well, my parents didn't have sex. I guess maybe 4 times, but that's it.

Re: should I say anything?

Peggy, I'm totally chiming in late here and am totally sure that it's dead and gone at this point....I was 20 when I had Peter and am totally sensetive about the fact! It drives me nuts when his friends parents feel the need to comment on how I look...as if I would say "wow, you're ancient" I actually had one of his friend's moms say "God your just a baby"...uhhhh, no I'm 32 thank you very much.

I had MAJOR issues with my parents for many years about my choice to have babies so young, but after about umm, 5 years it all smoothed itself out! I do have to admit though that I will be disappointed if my kids get married or have kids so young...I personally wouldn't change anything in my life, but do feel that it is usually better if they wait a bit longer......

I tend to agree that it is the issue for your daughter maybe more than anyone...Pete periodically feels the need to remind me that I'm STILL the youngest mom of ALL of his friends ....uh, yah, it's not exactly like I am going to "catch up"

Just reassure yourself that you will look like her sibling at high school graduation

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: should I say anything?

Funny, I just had an appt with an OB resident who did "quick math" and figured out that I was 20 when I had my oldest... He said, "Oh Cool- you were so young when you started having kids! That's way better than if you were like 41 now!"

:huh: Thanks, I guess??

People are funny... Especially med students and young residents!

[DCJenn]

Re: should I say anything?

Trust me, from someone who IS 41? He couldn't have been more right. There are reasons why people my age can't have children easily- we're friggin' grouchy and tired.

Jenn

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: should I say anything?



I just think it's too funny... Some of these residents say the oddest things! And I didn't know that generally speaking OBs thought it was "cool" for 20 year olds to have babies... It's like the filter from brain to mouth of the stream of thoughts of things perhaps you shouldn't share doesn't form until after chief year??? Or well into attendinghood???

Another interesting thing- he was talking about my gestational diabetes and basically said that I had "too much fat" and that was why I had bad sugars for my "fasting" sugar but all others are fine, and then he said, "well, you're pretty tall and so maybe you're not too fat", and then he went on and on about sugar busters, and how he lost 20 lbs by following that book, but he had to throw away almost everything in his pantry and his refridgerator... Somewhere in his fascination with the diabetes he forgot that I'm pregnant, and that the baby's stressing all my systems, and he noted that I've lost almost 7 lbs in the last 5 weeks, which is generally frowned upon for 3rd trimester ladies. But he said, "Awesome! I see you lost another 2.5 pounds in the last week! That's going to help your diabetes a lot!"

:huh: I would never get offended at these docs, though. They are just so... sincere and clueless. It's almost like talking to a 4-year-old. :huh:

Re: should I say anything?

Sounds like a goofy resident! Trying to be friendly & running at the mouth... I wouldn't be as bothered by that as I would be by the other lady. I know DH's (much younger) teenage sisters sometimes tell things about the family that aren't quite accurate. I always think there's a little truth to what they're saying, and it bothers me. I agree this lady is the one with the problem - no tact, and quick to jump to conclusions about people. Not someone I'd care to pursue as a friend or an influence for my daughter. I'm not confrontational, so I wouldn't say anything. I'd avoid her, but if an opportunity came up to make a pointed comment, I'd take it.

Just my :02:

[MDPhDWife]

Re: should I say anything?

I guess I missed this thread the first go around. I had Isabella when I was 20, my sister had her first when she was 20, and my mom had her first when she was 20. It's funny how that happened. None of us had our babies out of wedlock, but we all got divorced.

Isabella was very much planned and I have never had regrets. I always knew I wanted to have children young so that my children would be grown by the time I was in my mid forties.

My sister recently mentioned to me she's glad that now that her children are teenagers she doesn't get the odd looks from people who have clearly done the math and figured out she had her children young. It occured to me then that I guess I never got the odd looks or am completely oblivious to them. :huh:

Judgemental people are annoying and I think it was poor judgement for her to tell her daughter she "disapproves" of you. I probably wouldn't have bothered to confront her either FWIW.