following through...

[peggyfromwastate]

So Kate signed up to participate in a musical at school. It was a huge deal, because she's missing lots of swim practices to be part of this thing, I have to drive to pick her up (and it's a LONG drive to her school), the practices really interfere with everyone's schedule... And she was dying to do it. It was the *only* thing that mattered to her. She was willing to do all sorts of extra babysitting for me to "pay back" the missed swim practices. So we agreed to let her sign up for this thing. So, she has gone to about 4 rehearsals, and she's decided she doesn't like the music, doesn't like to dance, etc., etc. Yesterday she skipped practice and just came home like it was no big deal.

I had to spell it out for her how much she was inconveniencing everyone-- how unfair it was to the director to just quit like that, without even telling her by the way... I had to explain how it affected the other kids in the production, my parents who planned a special trip out to get to see her performance, and how it was rude to her family as we had already changed our schedules to accomodate her...

After a while, and after trying to tell me that she was trying to help me out by not doing the musical, because now I wouldn't have to drive so much, etc., etc., she finally said, "I guess I never thought about how it affected other people. I just thought about myself..."

Eureka...

So anyway, she's at practice today, trying to clarify if the director will let her back on the production or not. She's apparently missed 2 practices because she didn't read the schedule correctly, on top of yesterday's practice. :huh:

I don't know if there's a question here--- I was just wondering if anyone else struggles with getting teens (she's officially a teen now) to follow through with committments.

[mommax3]

Re: following through...

I think it is part of being a teenager to be self-focused to the exclusion of all else, so lack of commitment goes right along with that. I see it every day at school, if that makes you feel any better, to the point that I email rehearsal schedules directly to the parents so they at least know when their kid is supposed to be rehearsing.

[MrsK]

Re: following through...

Good for you making her follow through. It's important to learn to honor commitments and to tough it out sometimes.

[MDPhDWife]

Re: following through...

We are going through something similar, although in a preschooler level and not a tween level.

Isabella, our oldest DD has been in soccer for 4 years, and this year Gracie was excited because now that's she's 4 she is old enough to join as well. So we signed her up and pretty early on it became clear she doesn't share the passion her sister does for soccer. She refuses to play when her coach puts her in to the point where she won't even go on the field. I think she gets discouraged because there's an older and much taller girl on the team who whizzes by everyone and scores obscene amounts of goals, so Gracie doesn't get much of an opportunity to get near the ball. Often times Isabella and Gracie's games conflicted so I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off and it was becoming more trouble than it was worth. We're still on the fence on whether to keep her in so she follows through on her commitment to the team, so I don't have advice, but can certainly relate.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: following through...

Well, Kate is going to keep going. I need to write a note to the director to tell her that I was aware that Kate wasn't present at 2 rehearsals... But Kate better not miss any more...

My parents are planning a trip out around her performance, and I just found out that my Grandma who lives in Albany NY is coming down also! Should be fun...

I have to admit that I was tempted to just let her quit. It really is a PITA to transport her from practices, etc., etc... But once I committed to doing that, I sort of couldn't just let Kate get out of her committment b/c I also wanted out of mine...

And we've BTDT with the sports thing. Usually I have had them finish out the season and then try a different sport or activity next time... In your case, can you switch teams? It sounds like the trouble may be with the aggressive player more than with the activity...

Re: following through...

I think this is an age old parenting dilemma -- to know when to fold them and know when to hold them on kid activities. I really feel for you on this, Peggy, that is a lot of extra work to schlep her around for something she isn't enthused about. Still, I think it is good you are helping her to see it through.

[Thirteen]

Re: following through...

The underdeveloped frontal lobe really kills between 13-19.

My mom was very adamant about following through: "we do NOT quit, etc."
You're doing a great job Peggy!! Hold on!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Re: following through...

Sounds like a real challenge but good for you for making her stick with it!

I've heard more kids say, "I really wish my parents had made me go when I wanted to quit". Which is a very fine line because no one wants to be the parent who makes their kid do something that makes them truly miserable. My parents also made us finish out our commitments but never forced us to recommit if we didn't like something. I think you did the right thing because at her age, they really do need to learn that their actions impact others!

[MarissaNicole]

I think you are doing the right thing. I remember the only thing my parents let me quit was when I had overbooked myself and had joined too many things... and in that case I hadn't consulted them beforehand because I am pretty sure my Mom would have said "you have too much on your plate" therefore avoiding the mistake in the first place. But even if she does find out she hates to dance and sing, thats okay she learned a few other things like about making committments and following through.