preemptive drug testing

[peggyfromwastate]

DH and I saw this on the news last night (slow news night-- local news). There's a company that's founded by some parents who didn't find out about their teens drug use until he was into it for 2 years or so. They advocate for parents to preemptively drug screen their teens before they even think they could be into drugs because 1) you never know and 2) it gives the kids a good excuse to *just say no*

What do you think?

At first DH and I said, They are crazy. But then, we know K has some friends who have dabbled, and that pot use is very common with the 8th grade boys. We know it because she tells me this... So I know it's common, but so far, according to her, not with her girl-friends...

What do you think?

[scrub-jay]

Honestly - as I don't have teenagers, my opinion is closer to coming from the kid's perspective. In my mind, this question really depends upon the relationship between you and your kids. At that age, being trusted is HUGE and having that respect coming from their parents may be a better inhibitor than the fear of a drug test. This does not apply to every teen though, but I have known parents of friends who did random tests and it created more of a "well, they don't trust me anyway..." kind of attitude. For my kids, I plan on doing everything in my power to keep the lines of communication open - at some point, they will be on their own, making their own decisions and I'd rather have taught them to respect themselves enough to say no. It reminds me of parents that would read their kids' journals - my parents never did: your thoughts were yours, your life was yours, and your choices were yours. But this didn't stop them from forcing communication on me and my brother. In hindsight, I am really glad that my parents respected and trusted me enough to make good choices - I credit that to giving me the power and self-confidence to say no to drugs, alcohol and unsafe situations. I do think however, that every family and every situation is very different. Good luck with this hard decision.

[peggyfromwastate]

Oh, I think I'm a ways off from wanting to do the drug testing. With Kate I feel like she tells me so much. I can totally see her resenting this-- drug testing-- and it pushing her to all sorts of bad behaviors. DH and I didn't really think it would be appropriate for her. Part of me thinks this is just a big money-grab for people to buy all sorts of drug testing kits.

Of course, once you are an adult and working in certain companies, drug testing is mandatory. But... those are adults. And employers are making them do the testing, usually b/c of some federal regulations.

For me, I've never looked through her stuff, read her journal, or any of that. I just don't feel like she's done anything ever to make me want to go that far. Even when she dabbled in cutting in 7th grade, we didn't go that far. We did other things to help her stop destructive habits, but we let her have her space. The news report (really was more like a promo for this company-- maybe a kickback or something? It was wierd) showed all sorts of tools teens apparently use to sneak drug paraphanalia into thier homes w/o their parents knowing. Like a lipstick looking device that has a hit of crack in it (I think) that they ignite and smoke right there... ??? Really?? And the water bottle container that has a secret compartment where the label is-- they unscrew the top and the bottom of the bottle, and they can store their drugs in the middle part.

Kate does have a friend whose mom has been reading his emails and going through his stuff ever since he started middle school. He hates it, and everyone teases him about it... Kate has often said that she's really glad we're not like that...

[Pollyanna]

I don't know, seems to be a set up for trust issues. If I have to drug test my child then I could I trust them to do a million other things that you can't test for.

I should note that dd's high school does a random drug test on each student once per year. You agree to it if you enroll in the school. The school feels like it helps some kids say "no" and helps others get the help they need. If you test positive the only people that know are the dean of students and the child's parents. They then encourage counseling etc. You may stay in the school if you follow the counseling requests and test clean some months later. Honestly, I didn't like it at first but the policy does seem to help a lot of kids. Of course they can't test for alcohol (except with the breathalizers before dances) so kids still get plenty drunk.

[scrub-jay]

Honestly, I think the fact that you and your DH are keeping this and similar issues on the radar is very important (I don't think I emphasized that enough). I also think that kids are really clever and if they want to get away with something - they will go to extremes. (Sounds like that show was almost using scare tactics!). It is so dependent on the parenting style as well as the behavior and motivation of the teen. Just coming from my own experience, the really positive and firm support structure my parents established (even when I found it irritating as a teen) was what got me through those "teenage girl years". But I have to emphasize that I don't judge parents that have to take more extreme measures with certain teens - flexibility is probably the most important thing when working with teens. (BTW- In college, I worked with an organization in Oakland, CA that was designed to keep teens away from drugs and gang violence - I think back to my experience with them for additional perspective).

[SoonerTexan]

Coming from someone who was in high school not too too long ago, I would say I would have been pretty hurt if my parents decided to do that. But I was also a neurotic oldest child that never did anything to make them not trust me anyway, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

[DCJenn]

My take judging from the clinic where I work is that the teens we see have parents with substance abuse problems. and 9/10 they have abuse issues caused by the parents/parents partners/grandparents/friends of the family and the parents either are the source of the drugs or turn a blind eye to the situations. The clinic I just visited though was a similar dempgraphic to Peggy's 'hood. (and my former 'hood) and I think that the people there got themselves in trouble because the parents were clueless. The kids had access to cash, cars and time and no one to check up on them.

Now, in my mispent youth, we did all bad things at my friends houses - the ones with the absentee parents. Mostly they were absentee because they were wrapped up in their own dramas and had little time or mental energy for teenagers.

I think that you have a good set of boundaries w/ Kate and most importantly you're there and paying attention. The same set of girlfriends that I had also gravitated to my house because my mom WAS there, even though they probably would have never admitted it. They got hugs, cookies and conversation every day after school.

Jenn

[scrub-jay]

*hijack* Thanks Jenn - I was really looking forward to your perspective on this issue. *end hijack*

[peggyfromwastate]

My take judging from the clinic where I work is that the teens we see have parents with substance abuse problems. and 9/10 they have abuse issues caused by the parents/parents partners/grandparents/friends of the family and the parents either are the source of the drugs or turn a blind eye to the situations.


Jenn

This is an interesting stat... And very sad.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

They got hugs, cookies and conversation every day after school.

This is so important...it's what my students don't have, it's what they need...

It breaks my heart how selfish some parents can be

K is lucky to have you, Peggy!

[Deebs]

We have an acquaintance whose children requested monthly drug testing. They are in an uber wealthy area of Chicagoland where drug use is rampant, and wanted it as an excuse to be able to say no. I just found out about this a few weeks ago, and had never really considered it from that perspective.

[L.Jane]

I have never done drugs, but been around it plenty and saying no isn't fun. I just knew what my parents expected of me and never wanted to disappoint them. I really think it depends on the relationship one has with their kids. I agree with the others who said to do a preemptive drug test would be telling a child you don't trust them. Maybe instead having a talk with them and asking what they think. Have an open and honest conversation asking them how they would feel about being drug tested and why they feel that way. I find Deb's story about the kids who requested it very interesting. I know as a kid I would have probably been hurt that my parents did not trust me enough to ask me about it rather then to force me to be tested.

drugs in high school

I think I have to disagree with the idea that if you're good parents your kids won't do drugs. My friends and I smoked pot in high school and we were also on the national honors society (my best friend was the president) and participated in lots of clubs and sports. We had good parents who were around and active in our lives. None of them did drugs or drank.

I would not agree with the drug testing though. They'll find a way and could potentially put themselves in danger taking sometihng that will "clean them out" for the test. The interseting thing about my group of pot smoking overachievers in high is that in college, while just about everyone was smoking pot and drinking like crazy, we were not interested a bit. I don't know the answer to how to prevent your kids from doing it. My son is only 2.

[DCJenn]

I hope my response didn't imply that the parentsof my friends weren't involved. They were. Heck , I had the kool-aid mom and I smoked pot and smoked cigarettes and drank. But, it was a lot easier to do at my friends who had parents who weren't there (physically and/or emotionally). Of course, my generation had the first round of divorced parents and they were all trying to figure out how to make their new lives work.

Now, the kids I knew who were in to heavy drugs did have addicted parents. 100% of the time.

There was also an epidemic of eating disorders in my high school. Once girl in my neighborhood died from anorexia when she was 18.

Jenn

addicted parents

Yes, I saw classmates get into heavy drug use and stay that way, even today. Their parents were not very good parents, usually addicted themselves. All the people in my group of friends grew out of that "pot smoking stage" except one. She was the president of the national honors society! She did go off to college, graduate with a degree that won't help her make an income, and now is a dirty hippy out in Oregon. She had her own local television show for vegan cooking! But, she is still a hippy... hairy armpits, the clothes, the music, the dreads, all of it... and I am pretty sure that our high school pot smoking started the slippery slope that took her from wanting to be a phychologist to being a hippy.