Would you lie for your child?

[PrincessFiona]

Alex didn't finish a big assignment that was due today, so he just ... refused to get out of bed and go to school. He wanted me to call him in sick. I had to get everyone else out the door, so I let him lie in bed until I got home ... and in the meantime, I called the school. I told them that Alex hadn't finished his assignment and was refusing to go to school and that I was not excusing his absence. The secretary was so confused she had to have me repeat myself. I also called his teacher who told me to tell him to get to school or he was going to miss part 2 and be even more behind. She was very supportive of me. The secretary called me back and said that if Alex didn't show up, he was getting a "level 1 suspension" and for me to bring him. I told her that I would hate for Alex to choose this, but that if he did, it would be on him. She was shocked. I said that I felt it would have been teaching Alex the wrong thing to lie about him being sick so that he could catch up.

I got home, explained the situation to Alex and gave him a choice. He got up and I drove him to school. He refused to speak to me the entire way. As he got out of the van I told him that he was leaving a boy ... and would be coming home from school a young man who had faced up to the consequences of his actions. LOL.

He did face it all pretty well. His teacher indicated that he was remorseful, he got his work finished, and that he was generally speaking positive.

My mom flipped out about it though. She thinks that I humiiated him and I should have handled it at home. I think she could be right, but he wasn't going to get UP for me. All of my cajoling, etc meant nothing ... and this way he suffered the direct consequence. He seriously just refused to get out of bed...and he's 12...it's not like I can lift him up and get him dressed anymore.

What do you guys think? How could I have handled it better?

Kris

[Tenacious_D]

I think you did something my parents would have done and I really respect that. It's hard to see your kids in that kind of situation but you taught him a great lesson and I hope the teacher explained to him as well why it's important to face your mistakes. Good move, Kris!!

I think that's the perfect response. I would like to think I'd have done the same, although I'd probably have flipped out at the foot of his bed, screaming and making all sorts of threats before coming to the conclusion that I needed to call the school.

[Pollyanna]

I think you did great Kris. My response would have been to yell like a crazy person the night before so it would be done, go to bed feeling bad that I yelled like a crazy person, wake up yell a bit more, discuss how we could do things different in the future, drop off tired and upset kid at school, feel like crap the rest of the morning...

Had I not known about the assignment I would take said child to school and have them deal.

[diggitydot]

I think you handled it beautifully. He's 12 and old enough for the lesson about facing responsibilities when expectations haven't been met. Well done, Kris.

[Chrisada]

Bravo Kris! I must admit I probably would have had the same response as Tara! As a former teacher, I can say we need so many more parents just like you!

[corn poffi]

That is totally something my parents would have done! Great thinking! I'm not a parent yet, but I hope that when I am, I'm as resourceful as you were!

[PrincessFiona]

Thanks guys. Dh is actually a little upset with me too. He thinks I should have told a little white lie to save face and that we should have handled it at home. I feel ok about how I did it though.

As for the yelling. I just don't have it in me anymore. I get crabby and irritable but I don't yell because I am too emotionally exhausted. LOL. I conserve my energy for nagging...and drinking wine.

Kris


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[diggitydot]

You can join me, Kris. I just opened a bottle.

[TigerLily]

I hope when Ayla gets older I can handle things like that the way you did.

[diggitydot]

I have to disagree with Thomas. Teaching kids that appearances are more important than personal integrity is not a good precedence.

[SuzySunshine]

Kris, I would have been proud to handle it that way - while we do the Love & Logic method in our house I can see how that would be really hard to do.

[BonBon]

I've never heard of Love & Logic but it sounds up my alley.

Kris, I think you did a GREAT job. Truly, this will be something he will remember for the rest of his life. While he may not feel so charitable toward you at the moment, when he's an adult he will look back and be so grateful for this lesson. I think it's pretty shitty that the school would go to suspension over this, especially given how unusual a situation it was! Though I guess what choice do they have...they would have to mete out some sort of punishment.

In my house, it would have gone the way of Tara's, with me feeling like a wrung-out dishrag at the end.

[HouseofWool]

Cripes - I totally had Tara's response over something completely inconsequential this morning resulting in me apologizing profusely to Caleb repeatedly.

I think your response was spot on. I had a friend who's middle schooler lied to her about brushing his teeth before school one morning. She drove to school, knocked on his class room door saying that Timmy needed to come out and brush his teeth as he hadn't done it yet that morning. Embarrassed the hell out of the kid and he didn't try lying to her very often!

[Meenah]

You absolutely did the right thing. If you had lied for him, the next time it would have been harder to convince him to do the right thing.