Gaming

[houseelf]

Can we have a nonjudgmental discussion about tween/teens and gaming.

I went ape**** on my tween yesterday and told him he wasn't allowed to game for the rest of the break. I have no problem with gaming, as long as it has its place amongst a variety of activities. His friends come over and it is all that they do. Just about the time I get him off a screen, someone calls and asks to meet him on line. Holy crap. Gaming without restraint is endemic. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn't hear my words about appropriate limits, my actions would show him. He has cleaned the house, played play doh with his little brother, read a book, and is now asking to ....game.

I understand why parents keep teens busy. I feel like I need him to be in an activity all the time just to have him develop normally. Honestly, every one of his friends games for hours on the weekends. If not on the Xbox, then on their phones or computers. It is like boy crack. I get that it is break, but this is ridiculous.

Where is that commune in Montana that we always talk about? C and I are going to be the founding members. sigh.

[SoonerTexan]

There was one 9 month period in my husbands life where he did not play video games...the 9 months after he met me. Apparently that is how long I was fascinating for and then I got boring. He's playing them now as I nurse our baby.

I HATE the dang XBOX and all the screaming, cursing, etc that comes with it (DH doesn't curse often but my brother and others in their Xbox live room do). In high school I thought it couldnt get worse than hearing my brothers yell until 2 am when their friends were over. Then they invented XBox live and now you can't press pause...you have to wait until the raid or whatever is over. That used to be 10 minutes. Now it's been over an hour at some point. However , DH is pretty good about not letting it get in the way of our life...mostly because I hit the roof the one time I made dinner and he was "in the middle of a game."

Full disclosure, I have always hated and never played video games except for a 3 day period in college during which I played a Godfather game for a few hours. Wreaking havoc and hitting pedestrians was apparently a good stress reliever that week.

[Vanquisher]

Yup. Xbox is definitely boy crack. It is all my DS wants to do. Ever. It drives me batshit crazy.

[Vanquisher]

Ah, DH, thankfully doesn't play it that often. He played more in med school, but not a ton, and this was before Xbox live. He just doesn't have time. In residency, I don't think he touched it for 6 years. Hell, we rarely had sex, and that was a way bigger free-time priority than Xbox. All of it was way down the priority list from sleep though. 120 hours a week of work, plus 10-20 hours a week of work prep (homework) meant precious minutes couldn't be wasted on anything.

[SoonerTexan]

Im guessing it will change in about 4 months. The week before a test he doesn't touch it. He just somehow has way too much free time! I guess I spend a significant amount on here, though.

[diggitydot]

I don't mind gaming around the house. The kids don't take it to extremes and DH doesn't ever really get a chance to unwind so it's kinda nice for him to be able to play occasionally.

[ladymoreta]

Sigh, I miss gaming...

I think if you're going to allow it at all, it's important to allow them to play enough and politely. To clarify - I don't have time to play enough, because the games I like require lots of time to level up and make money. (These are not the shooter games, which you are probably referring to.)

Etiquette within the game is something that a *lot* of parents don't understand. When they're in the middle of a raid (or whatever it's called for FPS), they are playing with other people. To be in the middle of something that requires coordinating lots of other players, then hear "Be right back, my mom says I have to take out the trash and put up my laundry!" will drive you crazy! That's wasting everyone's time - could be 6 people, could be 30 people. Sorry, that's my rant... It doesn't sound like you're doing that!

I don't know how we'll handle gaming time with our kids. I imagine since we're gamers (or used to be, and hope to be again), we'll have activities, family time, chores, and homework. Then if they are managing thise well, they can use their free time to play. If it's looking like too much play time, we'll adjust the other things. Maybe if you're telling him he has "free time", but you don't like what he's choosing to do with it, you could set playtimes so he can tell his friends when to expect him online. Lots of guilds accommodate players who have set playtimes - it's easier than working around parents' whims.


Laurie

[PrincessFiona]

Why am I in a romantic villa when you post this? Why am I posting while un the shower? This thread better be going in 2 days!

Kris

[Sheherezade]

Heh. My 15 year old is finally sick of gaming. All it took was 10
post op days after his ACL repair with a required "at least 6 hours a day" in the ice pack/ CPM machine on the couch. He actually asked me to get him a book. I'm sure that will wear off once he is back walking and doesn't need to elevate and ice.

We haven't limited recently as long as his grades are up. It's pretty safe socializing on Live with his high school friends vs going out to parties where I hear there are drugs and drinking on the weekends.

Our most successful method of limiting when he was 12 or so was the following. We bought a big set of marbles and put them in a jar. Each marble represented an hour of game time for the month. He could use them at will but when they were gone, they were gone. He ended up binging and then taking days and days off to save up time. I honestly think some of these games don't work with a small amount of time and it is hard to have to break away from a lot of "work" or progress before you can save/finish if some arbitrary time limit comes up.

It's hard I know - but it does get easier. If he's doing well with a his other things I'd let him learn to manage it with some gentle guidance. It's really an embedded part of boy life.

[Thirteen]

We don't have any systems in the house, because I would play them.
I love me some RPG action!
*geek*
I sold a memory card in HS with leveled up materia and magic for FF7, and made a nice chunk of change.
Playing games like that take time, and DS needs all my time, so no system for now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ladymoreta]

I love me some RPG action!
*geek*

Go Team Unicorn!


Laurie

[Vanquisher]

DS plays FPS games, namely Call of Duty. It's too much, and I don't really care about the etiquette of leaving a game early. Everyone he plays with are all 13-15 year olds who have mommies too. In my opinion, he plays it entirely too much, and it bothers me a lot. BUT we have bigger fish to fry with him and a walking a tightrobe balance with him anyway.

There are family timer codes on xbox that we have used in the past, but took them off at the recommendation of his therapist. Anyway, he lost his xbox after hacking that. I mean Doesn't Xbox realize that a teenager is going to have less problem hacking a 4-move code than anyone. I realize this isn't Quantico, but couldn't it have been some kind of alphanumeric thing? Let's make this more of a mission impossible and be on the sides of the parents, please.

Anyway, when he plays, he loses track of time, and he can't hear me because he only has one good ear. The noise of the game and all the voices make it impossible for him to hear me, even if he is listening at a reasonable volume.

I sometimes wish that the xbox netowork would get taken out by a special team of fed up moms. Can you tell we saw MI4 yesterday?

[houseelf]

I sometimes wish that the xbox netowork would get taken out by a special team of fed up moms.

Roger that, Vanquisher. This is houseelf and I'm going in for the kill.

Thank God you guys tell me that this too shall pass. He has straight As, plays sports, has a gaggle of friends, and generally is an outdoorsy type. I do appreciate the irony of whoever pointed out that an iMSN addiction is not that different from a gaming one. While I will continue to fight for my kid and gaming boundaries, I have to accept that this is the "thing" right now. Literally all of the moms of middle school boys have this problem to some level, even the crunchy montessori moms. I am increasing his activity participation, chores, and reading requirement asap. I also plan to stay firm on the no weekday gaming. I guess like anything in parenting I'm just going to have to have a little faith that some gentle guidance will help him through this stage until he learns to self regulate.

[mommax3]

Chiming in late, but just wanted
to confirm that this too shall pass. However, stand firm on the no weekday gaming. I think that (and fun activities on weekends )is what kept gaming from becoming a major obsession around here.

[SoonerTexan]

The complete and total obsession might pass, but my husband is living proof that the actual gaming may not go away until it is completely forced out by something entirely life consuming.

In other words...this too shall pass..onto your daughter-in-laws.