Clothing woes

[PrincessFiona]

How can I get my teenage daughter to wear appropriate clothing.

We entered the world of ridiculous this summer. Yes, I 'get' that the new fad is to look half-naked. I can't stand it. She went to summer school this summer looking like a tramp and when I picked her up I couldn't tell which ... trampy girl was mine because of the multitude of trampy looking teen girls.

Who started this trend?

Even worse is that my daughter can't estimate her size and won't try things on. For this trip to Fl., she bought herself a few pairs of size 0 shorts and a size 0 bikini. My guess is that she is a size 3 or 5. Sigh.

"I've always been a size 0."
"You aren't anymore"

When we went to the beach yesterday, her swimsuit didn't cover her. I was mortified.

She just doesn't get it and she tells me I'm picking on her. Ugh, yes I am!

Last night I went to WalMart and bought her trampy shorts in her size. She refuses to wear anything from Walmart.

Thing is, she has a regular babysitting gig (for a child psychologist LOL and she dresses appropriately for that!). She earns a lot and buys her clothes herself.

I feel sort of powerless since it is her money.

help?

[Thirteen]

Define trampy: are we talking leggings as pants and jean shorts that look like underwear?




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[Sheherezade]

I've told mine that if you wear short shorts, you cover your top better and vice versa. Short skirts = no heels, no skanky top. Tight pants, loose top. Regular jeans, sexy top.

*sigh*

So, it's ok to try to look "sexy" but it's tricky to make sure you don't slide over in to trampy.

She's getting it.

She has a tiny bikini she wears only in our backyard. In public, she has to wear a decent suit.

I understand that she's trying to flex her feminine power muscles here - but she gets that she's 14.

It's really hard with the trends out there!!!!

[HouseofWool]

I am ever so grateful that there is a vibrant, community-minded convent just 10 blocks from my house. It will be so easy to keep tabs on DD once she is cloistered.

[peggyfromwastate]

I've told mine that if you wear short shorts, you cover your top better and vice versa. Short skirts = no heels, no skanky top. Tight pants, loose top. Regular jeans, sexy top.

*sigh*

So, it's ok to try to look "sexy" but it's tricky to make sure you don't slide over in to trampy.

She's getting it.

She has a tiny bikini she wears only in our backyard. In public, she has to wear a decent suit.

I understand that she's trying to flex her feminine power muscles here - but she gets that she's 14.

It's really hard with the trends out there!!!!

Great advice!!

[Vanquisher]

I've got nothing. Just hugs and burying my head in the sand. Can you explain classiness and sexiness. It is possible to be sexy without looking like a hooker. Though, the girls at DS's school all look like tramps. It's how the dress now. I'm just hoping it changes in the next few years.

[rainbabies]

I have the hardest time finding, non baby hooker clothing. Ugh.

[PrincessFiona]

Define trampy: are we talking leggings as pants and jean shorts that look like underwear?

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yes and yes.
If you saw her you'd think she has no mother who buys her appropriate clothes, takes away her cell phone, yells, flips out, berates her, begs, and threatens and then follows through. At some point, I'm just exhausted. Its embarrassing. My punishments worked at 14 ... Not anymore.

We took away her cell phone and she bought a new one with her babysitting money. She isn't defiant about it either ... very matter-of-fact. "mom, it's not the 80's anymore".

sigh

[MrsK]

"mom, it's not the 80's anymore".

I'll bet we said that to our mothers. "Mooooom, it's not the 60's anymore. " (or in my case, the 50's.)

[Thirteen]

I am ever so grateful that there is a vibrant, community-minded convent just 10 blocks from my house. It will be so easy to keep tabs on DD once she is cloistered.

I remember fighting with my mom about short length and spaghetti straps. Spandex went out before I was a teen, so I missed the skin tight clothing phase.
Mini skirts came back in in college, but I had no money. I think this is definitely a hard time for mothers of daughters: short, skin tight, see through, etc.


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[v-girl]

I'm mean. If Mom AND Dad don't approve, the item gets returned or donated. Period. They're cool with it because their friends live by the same rules.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I'm mean. If Mom AND Dad don't approve, the item gets returned or donated. Period. They're cool with it because their friends live by the same rules.

My mom would get so upset because my dad always thought my swimsuits were "cute" even if she didn't like them

[diggitydot]

I'm mean. If Mom AND Dad don't approve, the item gets returned or donated. Period.

We do that, too. Doesn't stop our oldest from wanting shit that we won't allow, though.

We're going through the same inappropriate clothing issue right now, too. (Seriously, right fucking now as I type this out.) Except it's for a wedding. In most things, she's fine. She knows that I won't allow shorts that aren't longer than her vagina so that's a battle we no longer have, but dresses? She's killing me with these too short, too tight dresses. You are not a 20-something working in the fashion industry in NYC. You don't get to dress like one.

[Pollyanna]

You all would likely die if your daughters wore what I wore in the '80s-early '90s. Lots of mid drift baring tops (think sports bra size) with different shorts (typically a 6-8in inseam) or flowing mini-skirts. It was the style and I had an amazing midsection. It had absolutely nothing to do with attracting men or trying to be sexy, I simply knew what looked good on me, what the styles were, and felt good about myself. My folks never once questioned my clothing and never made me feel like I was bad or impure for dressing how I chose. I knew who I was and what my values were, I didn't need to be covered up to my neck to still be a virgin when I got married (the "modest is hottest" crowd bugs the hell out of me).
I do agree that there is appropriate clothing for different events and ages but I really don't take issue with most of the clothes on the market. I agree with Angie's advice and we discuss that here too. My 11 year old has a bunch of short shorts for the summer that I think are a blast. Fit is key so I would encourage you to shop with her and help her find the right fit in the styles she likes. I think if girls are dressing in a certain way just for attention then that is an entirely different discussion that has nothing to do with clothing.
It is possible to be in this world but not of this world.

ETA: I used to have a black and white top almost identical to this: http://www.etsy.com/listing/130644554/fun-1950s-polka-dot-cropped-mid-drift?ref=cat_gallery_5 I paired it with cute madras shorts and Keds. I wasn't a tramp. There is a strength in dressing in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself that has absolutely nothing to do with sex, or anything inappropriate. And the clothing doesn't have to show skin but if it does it isn't necessarily nefarious.

[moonlight]

She needs to hear it from someone else. I'd also push really hard on her learning to dress properly at the right times like weddings, etc. Sounds like she knows how to dress when on the clock... one less thing to stress about! Can you take her to a stylist at a local department store? Sounds to me she just needs to understand getting the right fit and size. A bathing suit that is 2 or 3 sizes too small?? Oh my!!