Weight issues

[peggyfromwastate]

How do I gently broach the idea of nutrition and cutting candy and junk from my dd12s diet?

She has gained a lot of weight this last year. She gets candy at school from her friends and the school store. She eats almost nothing of her lunch I pack, and then she scarfs down what she wants from that on the way to swim practice. She doesn't drink soda or juice, so at least she's not getting empty calories there.

She hasn't gotten too chubby yet--- but she's gained weight and is very buxom now... She swims daily but she's starting to not do well in swimming and I know it's all due to this weight gain...

I don't want her to feel like she needs to obsess about weight. I have btdt with my older dd when she was in middle school.

Any suggestions?

[ides]

Maybe along the lines of an athletes diet? Something along the lines of her health is suffering due to junk food? Don't mention weight but more of a worry for her well being? Maybe watch some documentary movies on the badness of processed food?

[spotty_dog]

DS's karate sensei is starting a new "food and fitness" campaign for the kids. Between that and my Fitbit we've been talking a LOT about healthy habits in my house lately. One thing I've emphasized is that kids' bodies change as they grow, so scales are not a way to determine if they are taking good care of their bodies. They need to know for themselves that they are moving and being active -- DS suggests "90% of the day active, 10% of the day screens" -- and that they are making good choices with varied food and lots of colorful vegetables. DS has decided we are forming a "healthy choices club" in our family, which has gotten him on board for switching his waffles and pasta to whole grain, etc. Both Sensei and the gym teacher talk sometimes about how sweets and fatty foods aren't good choices compared with unprocessed foods. He has to take a test in two weeks on basic information like "how to have healthy snacks ready" (help your mom chop vegetables on the weekend to store in the fridge for the week) and "why should you eat a wide variety of whole foods?"

I wonder if your DD's swim coach could be persuaded to talk to the team a little about how good food fuels the body?

[PrincessFiona]

Ugh. Peggy, I actually have this problem with Zoe. It's really hard. I try to emphasize "healthy" choices. I allow one treat, or cup of peach iced tea, etc and then suggest water or carrots if she still complains of being hungry. She is solid. Really solid. Hard to believe she was the baby in the NICU that wouldn't eat! I sometimes wonder if all of our focus on getting her to eat is somehow related to her eating behavior now.

I don't have any answers, so I'll be following this thread. I don't want to make her feel like food is bad or worry that she might get fat. I know that could only hurt her. She just has a huge appetite and enjoys power eating and treats.

Kris

[SoonerTexan]

That's rough. That's the age I did gain a lot of weight and I was clueless to it.

[diggitydot]

We just talk about what different foods do to our bodies. How some pack a huge nutritional wallop and how other have zero value, making us feel gross.

[Pollyanna]

That's a rough age, has she already gone through puberty? I likely wouldn't say anything specific about her weight. I would look up information about sports nutrition (maybe even see someone in town) and talk to your swimmers about how you're going to help get them on an eating program for athletes. If you could have someone else talk to her about her speed and need to get more lean you can be her helpmate to accomplish that. I would just try to tie the goal of weight loss to improved swimming. Would that be a motivator for her ?

[Vanquisher]

I don't know that I'd bring anything up at all. Just keep modeling good eating habits and keep as much junk out of the house as possible. You really can't control the school stuff. At this age, sometimes their bodies do this.

Most girls that I knew of put on some extra weight when going through puberty. I did! After about a year though, it evened out and I was back to being super thin again until I hit the brick wall of metabolism shut down when I started fertility treatments at 19.

Anyway, I think that too much nutrition talk from you or a coach can push in a negative way especially if it's "new" and just for her.

It's hard. Good luck!

[JDAZ11]

Weight issues

I gained some weight at this age too, and I remember it impacting my swimming (I quit when I was 13, but then thinned back out before high school - although I've always been athletic and not "thin").

I think I'm still scarred from how my mother handled it. She gave me essentially no guidance with respect to food choices (I don't think I knew that carbs were my issue until college). She just told me to stop eating - I even remember her taking a plate of seconds away from me in front of my whole family one thanksgiving. And freaking out at me for having cereal after dinner (after 2 a days of swimming and a full day of school) in front of a neighbor.... Don't do anything like that she also wouldn't buy me new clothes if I went up a size (which wasn't such a huge deal because I wore a uniform to school, but still really sucked of her). It's such an emotionally unstable age, that honestly any comment can be taken the wrong way

Swimming makes me SO HUNGRY - even now. So I would somehow focus on food choices. Would your older daughter be willing to talk to her about what she is eating? (I forbid my mother from saying anything to my sisters about their weight because I'm still bitter about how she handled things with me, so I sort had this talk with my sisters - but they didn't gain much weight until freshman year of college, so it was a totally different ball game. I think it was easier to understand that I was just trying to help at that point.).

I have that tone-it-up nutrition plan (it's a pdf) that I could send you if you think that it would help. It has a pretty straight forward explanation of - packaged processed = bad, protein/veggies = good. It's sort of geared towards younger girls.

[Ladybug]

Emphasize healthy choices and how they impact our bodies. Processed foods clog up your mind and are risk factors for depression, anxiety and lack of attention. Talk to her about alternative choices. What can you send her with instead. My girls love the "eat a rainbow everyday" program. The goal is to eat all the colors of the rainbow in fruit and/or vegetables. I think it's good guidance to set a weekly limit on candy bars and designating a particular day so that it's consistent. Talk about how our weight impacts our athletic performance, endurance (working harder) and our self image and emotional health. As long as you're not flashing skinny models in her face and humiliating her choices then your offering good guidance and parenting. No one should be eating candy every day. Period. Don't be afraid to say that. There are much better things to be putting into your body. Think about how many food commercials your kids watch and listen to each day. It's an active, ongoing job to counter those messages without throwing the TV out of the house.

Why is she not eating her lunches? Is there something else she's prefer? Would she be more invested if she picked/prepared the food. Get her into the cute Japanese Bento boxes. I want one.

A lot of girls put in abdominal weight before puberty. It redistributes to the breast and hips. BMI trends (includes height/weight) are better than weight only for healthy growth patterns.

[spotty_dog]

I also plumped up around puberty. We'd been a pretty healthy eating kind of family (my mom was a nutrition consultant and a huge fan of sugar-free, no white foods, etc.) but we moved out of country, then I got my monthlies, then my mom got an attack of conscience for taking us away from our native country. My mom suddenly pulled the plug on healthy eating and practically encouraged us to binge on "comfort food" from the States. As my curves developed, and then some, she told me maybe I was just shaped like my aunts and would grow up to be a Big, Beautiful Woman like them. This mostly just confused me, and although I'd rather have the acceptance than any kind of shaming, I think I could have used a little more guidance. Bodies change as they grow, and bodies come in all shapes, and that's great. But you're probably not your own ideal shape or carrying your own correct amount of padding unless you are making good activity and eating choices. I never ended up significantly overweight but I did carry those baby cheeks for years until I met DH who set a good example of being regularly active and eating lots of salad.

I'd either be general: you address the family or coach addresses the team; or very specific: you have a woman-to-woman talk with DD about the candy and only the candy, not that you worry about her weight but about her health when she doesn't get variety by eating the lunch you pack, especially when she's making demands on her body by swimming regularly? Ask if she wants to be involved packing her lunch? Good luck!

[ides]

I also started eating more and plumped up around 12 too. My mom winced every time I ate (I wasn't eating junk either) outside of mealtimes and pushed dieting. It was awful.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

I also started eating more and plumped up around 12 too. My mom winced every time I ate (I wasn't eating junk either) outside of mealtimes and pushed dieting. It was awful.

This type of thing from my mom started well before puberty for me...I thought I was fat growing up. My mom locked up all of our snacks and kept the key with her at all times -- food became very taboo. Looking back at childhood pictures, I wasn't overweight (although I did ultimately become so later (I do wonder if it's because I never learned to self-regulate and instead food became this secret thing I had to eat immediately and hide the evidence)). Vegetables and healthy snacks were not made available to me until I took over grocery shopping in high school. To this day, I still have a weird relationship with food (once I've strayed from healthy eating, the whole day is shot; if I'm eating healthy, I can't help but view it as a "diet" instead of a lifestyle; I can't seem to just have a treat on a "healthy day" and have that be okay/the end of it).

I agree that talking to her about the health ramifications and effect of candy on her body without mentioning weight is the best way to go. It took me getting to my mid-twenties to understand the link. I also think that the fact that you're cognizant of causing possible food/weight issues says a lot (and probably means you'll be delicate).

Good luck!

[JDAZ11]

I also started eating more and plumped up around 12 too. My mom winced every time I ate (I wasn't eating junk either) outside of mealtimes and pushed dieting. It was awful.

it's the worst.