Calling all college mums :)

[Ladybug]

How is everyone's big kids getting settled into their year? When are you seeing them again? How's everyone adjusting at home to all the changes?

[Sheherezade]

We just sent him back after a long weekend home for Columbus Day. It was nice to have him, but hard to have him leave again. I would have been fine, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't want to go back. He loves it and he's doing well, but I think he really enjoyed being home. He's realized how easy it is to be a spoiled kid versus a college kid.

He has been totally self sufficient at school and so far all A's in his classes, so we are happy for him. He figured out laundry (but broke his laundry bag stuffing two weeks worth of clothes in it), hasn't touched his bank account for food yet, and he's only missed a few classes when he overslept one day. He plays a lot of pickup basketball (like every day), intramural soccer and he's in a fantasy football league with some guys he met in classes. Still, when there's "nothing to do" - homework done, friends all busy- he texts me or calls and I can tell he just doesn't know how to be all alone comfortably yet. It's bittersweet. I'm glad he misses our noisy house, but sad that he has moments of loneliness. I worry a little because he doesn't do any social media or lately even XBOX live because he thinks they are time wasters. I'm glad he's dedicated but he's not staying in touch with his friends from home at all. They saw him this weekend and teased him that he was still alive after all. I suppose he will sort that out. He's always been that guy, though. He only does text. Nothing else. So, I worry. I guess moms always want a constant state of happiness for their kids - which is entirely unrealistic!

The school seems great so far. I couldn't be happier with what he's learning and their career guidance. It's there, but not overwhelming. I think he chose well. The first tuition bill hurt, but we've managed to pay it all back month over month this semester. We have savings for it, but we are trying to pay as much out of pocket vs. savings so we can keep that nest egg for the future. We've got another kid to send and who knows if they will both finish on time or what the future holds for our own salaries?

I have been crazy busy. I'm not sure I like it. I got a "real" job, and it's ended up being 20 hours a week or so. Since I'm still running a home business as well and I'm the head of the HS PTO this year, it's more than I should have taken on. At least I am distracted from sitting around looking at an empty bedroom in our house and weeping, right?

Our daughter misses her brother terribly. She enjoys being top dog and we've become a much more girly household. Still, she threw a little tantrum when she found out her brother was leaving earlier than expected and screeched that he shouldn't have come home at all if he was just going back. I think that was her heart crying out.

The DH is adjusting. It's hard on him and he keeps telling me "I'm Italian!" as the excuse for his misty eyes these days. At least we are in the same emotional space.

All and all, the kid is thriving. We are adjusting to this phase of life and getting very good at road trips.


Angie

[spaz]

The second year is harder for him than the first year. He is really enjoying it. He breezed through his first year. Now the classes are harder, especially since some of them are junior level. Plus, last week he got some kind of virus and felt awful all week. Poor baby. This fall isn't hard. He was gone a month and then we went up for parent's weekend. We are picking him up for fall break this weekend to surprise my inlaws for their 50th anniversary. Then we'll see him in another month for Thanksgiving.

I actually like him gone. I still talk to him and it makes the relationship with my middle one much better. I've enjoyed the one on one time I've gotten with him and am savoring the time before he leaves..

[mommax3]

He is flying down *tonight* to join us in FL for his Fall Break, and I can't wait to see him. His brothers don't know he's coming, tee-hee! I have found that 6 weeks is about as long as I can go without seeing him before I start to feel sad. Obviously, I will have to work on increasing that time! We are going there (just DH and I!) November 7 for Parents' Weekend, and he will be with us for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

He has some tough classes this semester (Organic Chem, Calculus, Physics) and seems to be doing well. On the social front, however, things have been more difficult. He was interested in a girl (and she was interested in him) whose ex-boyfriend (also a friend of his) turned out to be a bit stalkerish/obsessive, and actually tried to hurt himself over the weekend (we don't know any details). Also, he was hanging out with some friends in a stairway in a dorm Saturday night when his backpack somehow got hooked on the fire alarm and pulled it (that's his story, anyway). He was up front about what happened, his friends all vouched for him, and it sounds like the resident director believed him, but the police/fire officials questioned him for about an hour and threatened him with jail if they found fingerprints on the fire alarm and they turned out to be his. So that shook him up! Never a dull moment with this kid...honestly, I am glad to not have a front row seat for all the drama anymore.

He is not good with making deep friendships (too distractible), so when stuff hits the fan, he calls, because he doesn't feel close enough to anyone there to talk to them. He talks to DH about his classes, but always asks to talk to me about girl/emotional stuff, lol! I hope that he will be able to develop some deeper friendships this year (even though I still want him to ask me for advice &#128513.

[Pollyanna]

Dd20 was home from Friday through Tuesday morning, it was the longest time we have seen her since April. She is just down the road but between her schedule and our schedule she could just as easily be 3000 miles away. She is beginning her junior year and seems to be holding her own. Still majoring in biochem and molecular biology and minoring in dance. She is working as an RA and is in the dance company (they are doing a flash mob for the arrival of Paul McCartney!!). Still pulling all A's except in microbiology which gave her her first B (honestly I think it was healthy for her).

She has been pretty focused on going to med school with a military scholarship but has also had a pull toward research. We told her to just step back and take some time to really decide what she wants and what she feels called to. I don't think it dawned on her that she can take time to explore her options and not just go he aight through school. So now she is trying to get an REU for the summer (which means she will be gone all summer and we won't see her). But it would be a huge chance for her to see what it's like to work in a chem lab and if grad school is a better fit for her. She is also looking into applying to be a Focus Missionary (http://www.focus.org/answering-the-c...what-call.html) after undergrad. She has also had a calling in that direction and one of the missionaries at Vandy took time to do this work and is now applying to med school so she has an example for a path that may work for her.

She still struggles with anxiety and is starting to figure out more of her triggers but I think she will always deal with anxiety as part of her life. I would like her to try meds (she hasn't been on anything since 4th grade) but she still flat our refuses but says she will reconsider if her anxiety gets worse.

Phew! This age brings about much worry and child number two will be in college next year!

Fun to hear everyone's updates!!!

[diggitydot]

DD1 is having a BLAST at school. She told me this week that this is the most inspired musically she's felt in years. This school is a GREAT match for her.

Her roommate is moving out because a single room came up for grabs that she originally wanted. DD1 and her boyfriend are trying to get him reassigned to her room. I'm OK with it because, 1.) she's an adult, and, 2.) I think it will help accelerate their breakup. I don't interfere, but I don't really like the kid and I don't like who my kid becomes when she's with him.

Our home is ENTIRELY different without DD1 here. I love her, but our general stress level dropped like a damn rock. It's SO nice. Like a different world.

DD1 may or may not come home for Thanksgiving since she learned that she'll be drug tested to do so. When she left, DH and I started clearing out the metric ton of shit she left in her room and discovered journals and letters she wrote to the boyfriend expressing just how much she loved doing shrooms with him and how she can't wait to do more. Yeah, not here, bitch. She has to be clean to stay here. She knew this was going to happen if she did anymore drugs, so it's all on her.

[PrincessFiona]

I'll chime in ... but we have a different situation this year.

Two college kids. Both living at home.

From a mom perspective, it's like having two big teenagers with extra needs hanging out.

They are both enjoying college and both are doing well. There have been some minor dramas, but basically, all is well. Both are holding down part-time jobs. Andrew is working 15 hours/week. Amanda is working 30+ hours/week. I can't get her to pull back. She is hooked on the cash. Both kids have meal plans on campus and spend their days away from home but they are dependent on mom for dinner and laundry. I'm kind of over it.

Zoe loves having Andrew home this year. She adores him. He's happy to be home with his cat, but is still hoping to move back into the dorms in the Spring. We'll see. That might not happen.

Kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Calling all college mums

Dd1 loves school but she is getting lonely. We facetimed yesterday for the first time and she has a nose ring. Her dad was always against it bc of the infections (ENT) and nasty stuff he's seen. It's just a matter of time until she gets a tat. She's in the waterski club and the hiking club etc etc etc. She's doing all these clubs. She says she wants to go into forestry then she complains about the cold rain. she FINALLY got a job but won't start working for another two weeks or so. She's going to be a dishwasher. She's very happy with her roommate, her dorm floor is really tight I guess, and she seems to be thriving. My parents are going to visit her for family weekend. It's this weekend. I wish we could go but there's just no way. Not this year. She is getting good feedback from profs but I think most of her classes are writing based mostly. So no definitive markers. I can't say if she has an A in "animal and human interactions" bc I'm not sure that class is graded on a grade scale lol. She's in a very hippy dippy program (no grades for 50% of the classes) but she loves it because she loves to write and she hates math and science.

I haven't talked to her much, really. And I haven't sent one care package. We text daily, but my schedule is just too much here and in working 12-15 hours a day with the kids and unpacking and trying to set up "life" here. I'm glad dd1 is so independent, but I'm a little worried bc it really does seen callous of me to not be wallowing a bit. I've just been running from one disaster to another...

Dd6 misses her so much. She cries often that she misses her and writes little notes "Katie why did you go to Colij?"

Ds10 has had such a hard time. He's had major anxiety about changes to The Family for about a year. He really just doesn't like any change.

The other kids communicate with her via Instagram. Ahhhh technology.

[Pollyanna]

Peggy, if it makes you feel any better, we've never been to parents weekend or sent a care package, and dd is a junior. Even though she's in the same city we rarely see her so I feel bad but logistically it's just never worked out. She'll likely send her kids weekly care packages since Dh were so remiss, lol.

[Sheherezade]

The care package thing means nothing to my kid. We sent one and each grandmother sent one. He didn't make it to the mail room to get them either time until I harassed him. I wouldn't sweat that one at all.

What went over well, that you could do easily was ordering him a pizza one night when he was hungry and stressed out. They delivered it to his dorm and I paid with a CC online. He acted like I was a grand wizard. Also, insomnia cookies is a chain that delivers warm cookies and milk to colleges until 3 am. Totally nuts, but he loved that too.

Lots of people don't go to parents weekend. Ours was really just an opportunity to take him to Target to get things he didn't think of when he moved in.

Phone calls and texts are the best, really.


Angie

[mommax3]

I agree with Angie. We didn't go to Parents Weekend last year. We are only going this year because he is singing in a concert on Friday night and we want to see that. (We actually went to the same concert last year, drove back home the same night, and got caught in a 90 minute traffic jam, turning a 3 hour trip into 4.5 hours.) After that experience, it seemed better to plan to stay overnight. Honestly, we are looking at it as a getaway for *us*! I have also never sent a care pkg., but I have mailed him random things (shoes, towels) he has forgotten. His school has various care pkgs that they sell for delivery during Finals week, and we always order those for him.

[houseelf]

Um how are all of our iMSN babies old enough to go to college?

Strong work, mamas. This is me giving you a virtual hug.

[peggyfromwastate]

She mentioned the care packages because others got them on her floor. I usually sent one to her for summer camp, but this isn't summer camp lol! I have stuff prepped to send her a care package during finals week bc the school holds a fundraiser where kids get care packages sent "as a surprise" from the families. I got a letter advertising this, and it's around $40 and has nothing she'd like. So I'm making my own. I know she checks the mail room bc the kids have sent her letters and the minute it arrives she texts how much she misses everyone.

Oh well

The pizza idea is great--I'll have to do that. She opted for the smallest meal plan bc she figured she'd eat in the dorm mostly. At least working in the cafeteria will give her a free meal!!!

It's hard because we are not supposed to tell the freshman that we miss her, so say The Advice People, because I guess it makes them feel worse... But I think that there is a void, and she probably should know that in spite of the crazy transition here, we do miss her...

At least a few of her dorm mates (all the same floor, not room but they hang out all the time) are from out of state. So they are in the same situation. (But those parents send care packages lol!!!!)

[PrincessFiona]

When Andrew was in the dorms last year, they had a special care package program. You paid a fee and filled out cards for each of several care packages delivered. The school went to the trouble of putting together/delivering all of the packages.

My kids are at home but I put together a care package this week for their mid-terms with just a few candies/pop/subway gift cards .... I'm sort of a sucker.

Kris

[Sheherezade]

Well, I missed the advice about not telling them you miss them!!! I'm a big offender on that one. I guess I had parents that didn't miss me much when I went to college (got divorced immediately and embarked on exciting single life) so I'm swinging hard the other way. I'm like Suzy Homemaker with a college kid.

Our care package program was also a dud. I didn't like the stuff in the boxes and they don't even deliver to the dorm - you have to go pick them up at the student union. I don't see him doing that at all if he can't be bothered to get mail in his own dorm.

It's great that her dorm floor is tight! I hear the worst is around 6-8 weeks in when they excitement is gone, but they are still not fully integrated in to college life.