Teenager not asking permission...

[PrincessFiona]

Oh God, Peggy. I feel your pain. Alex has been like this since his senior year. Now that he is 18 it's worse. We are in the process of laying down the law. When I asked my 21 where she was headed last night she actually said "none of your business". Umm. You live in my house it is.


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[diggitydot]

I hate that bullshit, "Well, you didn't tell me I couldn't..." excuse. Our oldest tried it once. My response was, "I've never told you not to wipe your ass in your younger sib's forehead, either, but you figured out that it wasn't a good idea without being told. You're smart. You can suss this out. Don't bullshit me, kid."

Our oldest was super emotional, too, and I'm not. Not being able to walk her through logic drove me fucking bananas. But she grew up and has turned into one kick ass adult. She still makes mistakes and goofs up, but a couple years of maturity under her best has worked wonders.

He'll get there, too. If you don't kill him first. Hang in there, mama.

[houseelf]

OMG, yes. Can we just make this forum private, brew coffee like they do in AA, and pull up chairs and witness to each other? I'm so down with that.

The would 'rather-ask-forgiveness-than-permission' attitude of the adolescent male? Check

The 'what-could-go-wrong?' outlook on gallactically stupid decisions? Check

The 'becoming-a-man-separating-from-mommy' complete with lashing back for requesting reasonable parameters, general PITA attitude? Check

The new 'Will-argue-for-the-sake-of-arguing' attitude? Check

And this is from my easy-going, life is grand, happy child. I swear they take turns deciding whose turn it is to be on. Until this past year, I would have said my oldest and I have the best chemistry/naturally flow-y relationship. Now we have had arguments where I scream at the top of my lungs using the F bomb. Yeah, I'm such a fabulous mom. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I got nothing, Peggy. No sage advice, no platitude, no quick soundbite. This is all gut at this stage. When do you reign holy hell on their heads, when do you listen without judgment and only witness, when do you offer advice, when do you let them deal with the inevitable natural consequences, when do you look away? There are no easy answers. I'm just holding your hand right now.

I do have this pro tip: When your teen starts your day asking where the gorilla glue is at, you get off the phone and give them your full attention.

Got to be on your A game.

Fight the good fight, mom. You've got this. I hear grandparenting is AMAZING recompense for this.

[houseelf]

RE: "None of your business"

I explained to my oldest that as a courtesy, my college room mate and I always told each other where we were going and vaguely general plans so the other wouldn't worry. I tell him that this isn't even about being his mommy, it's about basic courtesy. Explaining that this wasn't me being overprotective helped defray this bullshit.

Wow, this thread has unleashed something in me. LOL. Is it time for wine yet?

P.S. one more thing that has saved his and my bacon. I have all of his regular friends' cell phone numbers. I have been very, very, very good to these boys, feeding them, housing them, and driving them for years. If I can't reach him, I start texting. I use it sparingly, but I woke one of them up at 1 am and he worked his magic and got me in touch with DS. Get cell phone numbers of kids, not parents! This tactic embarrasses him so it makes him more aware of keeping his cell phone battery charged.

[MDPhDWife]

RE: "None of your business"

I explained to my oldest that as a courtesy, my college room mate and I always told each other where we were going and vaguely general plans so the other wouldn't worry. I tell him that this isn't even about being his mommy, it's about basic courtesy. Explaining that this wasn't me being overprotective helped defray this bullshit.

Wow, this thread has unleashed something in me. LOL. Is it time for wine yet?

P.S. one more thing that has saved his and my bacon. I have all of his regular friends' cell phone numbers. I have been very, very, very good to these boys, feeding them, housing them, and driving them for years. If I can't reach him, I start texting. I use it sparingly, but I woke one of them up at 1 am and he worked his magic and got me in touch with DS. Get cell phone numbers of kids, not parents! This tactic embarrasses him so it makes him more aware of keeping his cell phone battery charged.

This is such a great tip and I too have used it before.
[MENTION=792]houseelf[/MENTION] speaks the truth. My teen girls drive me crazy on the daily. I vacillate from dragging them out of their rooms/off their phones to interact with them only to be emotionally exhausted an hour later. I'm also now understanding why my parents got me a car for my fifteenth birthday. My sixteen year old who doesn't drive yet (because I'm a hard ass and insist she pay for half of her car) and thirteen year old are running my life ragged right now with all the various places they need/want to be. I fantasize about how much my schedule will lighten once she drives, but then I go into a mild panic about all the risk and danger associated with teen driving. I wonder how often she'll get lost considering her head is always down on her phone while I'm driving. Those who have BTDT, did you guys experience this?


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[spaz]

Thanking my lucky stars this isn't my problem. ( Though other things are..) 20yo is working at a camp an hour away and in and out. He text me the other night because he decided to eat dinner with one of the other counselors and let me know he would be later than usual. Oldest is really good about it as well. I'm not sure why they are both good. Maybe because I did/do the same with them. I'm not sure. They just don't push this button, but my husband and I didn't either when we were teens. Maybe we are all just boring....