Handling an awkward topic with a teacher

[PrincessFiona]

Zoe was assigned to read the book Annie John for her 8th grade English class. In the first two chapters, Annie John walked in on her parents having sex. Zoe was assigned questions to answer, including “What did. Annie John walk in on her parents doing?” Today in class, the teacher admonished everyone for supplying vague and unusual answers to the question. She asked the kids if they ever thought about their parents having sex. When no one answered, she commented that the kids need to ask themselves questions that make them think. Honestly, I’m thinking WTF. How should I handle this?

Kris


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[mommax3]

Email or call the teacher and ask for her version of what occurred, and then express your thoughts. Ask what standard/educational objective that particular line of questioning covers. Depending on her response, I would go to the principal. In fact, if it were me, I would copy the principal on the initial email. That’s unacceptable.


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[SoonerTexan]

^ What she said. That's weird.

[MrsK]

That is absolutely crazy.

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[PrincessFiona]

I opted to just email the teacher first to get her side of it. I wasn’t sure about including the principal. I don’t want to jump the gun on the off chance that Zoe is telling this wrong. I don’t think she is though. This is the teacher who teaches sex Ed. Maybe that has something to do with it? I have no idea.

Kris


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[PrincessFiona]

Thoughts?





Kris


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[mommax3]

So this teacher will also have all of these same kids in a different class for Human Sexuality? I guess I might wait and see what Zoe says about their continued discussion of the book. Hopefully the teacher will move on to the other themes of the book. What grade is Zoe in again? I know the state where I live is more conservative than your state (and our state is backward in a lot of respects), but there is no way that novel/discussion would fly here below the high school level.


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[PrincessFiona]

The teacher also teaches human sexuality, but I find the theme to be too mature for an 8th grader. Maybe that’s just me though. Zoe waxed poetic to me on the topic. I really have mixed feelings about this. I will be curious about how the conversation unfolds.

Kris


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[spotty_dog]

I mean, depending on how it was handled there's a little something to that I guess. We had something *sort* of like that happen this week but on the fifth grade level. DD says that the kids were being ridiculous about their vocabulary unit about the root word "sex", "Which means SIX," she said with an eye-roll. LOL. After a bit of tittering, her teacher said, "Well, get used to it, because that's a topic we'll be covering later this year!" (They have a biology-of-puberty unit that the fifth grade team teaches together, I think they do a very broad sketch of what intercourse is but nothing about sexuality and intimate relationships per se.)

But yeah, DS13 is only a few months younger than Zoe and I thought it was daring of his ELA teacher to teach The Giver, since there's a plot point in the beginning about erotic dreams, and another about impregnation. This seems like quite a few steps beyond that, and what the teacher describes really sounds like it's pushing the limits for eighth grade. Especially because if your goal is to normalize these things for conversation, "put it in their face and keep talking about it until they are desensitized" is not going to be an appropriate approach for many kids. Kids who have been traumatized, who are more immature, who are neurodivergent, might be REALLY REALLY uncomfortable with that. Then there's all the other layers of "Yes your parents have sex and you're the evidence, get used to it." Divorced parents? Same-sex parents? Foster kids?

I find it telling that the teacher who is trying to make kids comfortable with talking about sex and sexuality keeps calling it "being intimate" and "having intimate relationships," LOL.

[Ladybug]

I guess I don’t understand what she expected them to say in front of their peers? That conversation had no where to really go. It was more for shock effect. I’m sure she enjoyed it.

[PrincessFiona]

I guess I don’t understand what she expected them to say in front of their peers? That conversation had no where to really go. It was more for shock effect. I’m sure she enjoyed it.

I don’t know what she expected either. I have known this teacher for 13 years or so and none of my kids have ever reported anything like this. She is into her role as human sexuality educator, and the girls come to her for pads and tampons. I will say that the book led to an interesting and open conversation with Zoe, who had a desire to discuss it. I hope the other students were able to process their thoughts with their parents.


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[PrincessFiona]

I find it telling that the teacher who is trying to make kids comfortable with talking about sex and sexuality keeps calling it "being intimate" and "having intimate relationships," LOL.

I agree. When I approached her, I used the word “sex”.


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[MrsK]

The teacher also teaches human sexuality, but I find the theme to be too mature for an 8th grader. Maybe that’s just me though. Zoe waxed poetic to me on the topic. I really have mixed feelings about this. I will be curious about how the conversation unfolds.

Kris


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This. While the theme is there and may be worthy of discussion, middle school is a little too soon to have this discussion. It should probably wait until high school.

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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

There’s a big difference between “making sure the kids understood the plot point” and asking them awkwardly to extrapolate that to their own parents.

I think she’s being intentionally provocative and I don’t think it’s cute.

And I actually have a vivid memory of a plot point type discussion in early high school. The book said a married couple “hadn’t seen each other since the prior evening” and the professor drew our attention to it. “The author is indicating what about their marriage here?” Which isn’t the same as “did you know that some people don’t sleep with their spouses, didn’t you know kids that some middle age people have sexless marriages???? Do you think all of your parents are still having sex???”

I think the teacher is out of line. The plot point is fine for the age, extrapolating to personal lives is not. Does she do this same nonsense with sexism or racism in books??? It’s just not necessary for teaching the point and is unprofessional if she can not communicate her point without making students apply this to their own lives.


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