Did anyone have a party to meet new neighbors after moving?

DH and I recently bought our first house. We really want to get to know the neighbors, and were thinking about hosting a casual open house type event, and inviting all the neighbors (only one of whom we've met so far). I thought it could be something like a lunch on a Saturday, and I'd make some nice party sandwiches, a few salads, brownies, cookies, and chips, etc. Did anyone else ever do something like this?

The thing is that DH is never home, b/c of his crazy hours, so it will probably take him a long time to meet the neighbors, and after school starts in the fall I'll have crazy hours too. I feel that there is a crucial period early on when you make a transition, after which it becomes awkward to "meet" people you live near for the first time. For example, in our last rental, we never really met the neighbors in the first few months of living there, and then it just became awkward, and we noticed that the neighbors started going back inside when they would see us coming, b/c they didn't want to get into small talk since we had never actually met them.

I thought something like this would be a nice way to get to know the neighbors and show that we are interested in reaching out to people. What do you think?

[Ladybug]

Hmmmm...I'm slow to meet people and I would probably feel a little strange about a new neighbor inviting us over. Logistically it would be difficult with the kids and I would worry about awkwardness. I'd probably send something to your house with a note welcoming you rather than arranging for childcare, etc.

Over the months we talked to our neighbors when we caught them outside. If you see someone working on their yard, or taking trash out, etc. find an excuse to go outside and wave with a big smile. Hopefully they will take that as an invitation to chat. Keep it brief so that they don't avoid you next time and slowly build up your time each chat. Good questions are just about the neighborhood, history, etc. I would need to talk to someone several times before I would feel comfortable enough to invite them over for afternoon horderves and drinks. As you slowly build up these relationships you might find that one neighbor tends to throw get togethers and will invite you. After something like that I would feel more confident inviting people. If they meet you under those repeated conditions I think they will be more likely to accept your invitation. Of course I live on the east coast and people are a lot slower to warm up here. It might be a totally different story in the south and in a different neighborhood.

Is there a neighborhood association that you can attend meetings? Neighborhood cafes or coffee shops or pizza parlors? Our neighborhood also has an annual potluck dinner that we still haven't made it to because of DH's schedule and cranky kids.

[Sheherezade]

I've always found that having a common cause helps with easing social situations and new neighbor relationships. For us, we always used the bus stop and little kids because we could linger for a few minutes with coffee while our kids got on the bus. Eventually, we got to know one another. You don't have kids, so you can't use them to break the ice.

If it were me, I'd probably look for a common event to use for a get together. I might askt he neighbor if anyone in the area hosts a Labor Day BBQ potluck - and if not, offer to do one. Then, you could host a fairly typical neighborly event. If they seem disinterested, I'd drop it. If the summer holiday BBQ idea doesn't seem to fit the neighborhood, I might see if anyone else is interested in a garage sale....and then see if they'd like to hold one together. These type of events make it easier for neighbors that don't know one another well to check each other out without pressure. Then again, I'm usually a social misfit. Don't listen to me......except I do have extremely close relationships with my neighborhood people. (Maybe too close, now!)

[diggitydot]

Not us. Then again, we knew a few since they worked at DH's hospital. The others we got to know after our kids began hanging out and playing. In all, we're really lucky because we have some freakin' awesome neighbors that we really like.

So it sounds like the party idea maybe isn't such a good idea? I appreciate everyone's input--gives me some perspectives about this I hadn't considered at all! Will definitely reconsider.

DH is so into the idea--he talks about it all the time. The thing is we're both very much people-person types who haven't yet found a sense of community since we've lived in this state for the last few years, and DH really wants to establish a sense of community in our new neighborhood. Part of this desire is b/c we've always been transient--always renting and moving from rental to rental, so we haven't had much of a chance to get to know our neighbors well or put down roots or find a sense of community. He feels like if we don't extend this kind of gesture, then the neighbors won't ever get around to meeting us, or he won't get around to meeting the neighbors, and he doesn't want things to get awkward after a period of time, as they tend to do. I understand the point though about perhaps hosting a "more typical neighborhood event."

We do plan to be active in the HOA, but their meetings are very infrequent. If we had a dog, I think that would help too, but we don't yet have a dog and are hesitant to get one yet because of how much time they require.

I guess it depends on the neighborhood... When we moved into our current condo we had a cocktail party for our friends and also invited all the neighbors on our hallway. They all looked like young professionals who would be into that sort of thing, and several stopped by. It was a nice way to officially meet. But I can see how if you're in a neighborhood with lots of kids or where people seem to do their own thing it may not work so well.

[SuzySunshine]

Do you live in a house that might be good for a block party? Do you have a good sized driveway? Maybe throw a block party/BBQ in your front driveway and invite all of your neighbors. In our neighborhood that would be more acceptable but I've never done it myself or been to one.

Do you live in a house that might be good for a block party? Do you have a good sized driveway? Maybe throw a block party/BBQ in your front driveway and invite all of your neighbors. In our neighborhood that would be more acceptable but I've never done it myself or been to one.

Wouldn't a block party be the same thing as what we wanted to do, only outside? Are you saying having the festivities outdoors makes it more casual? I can see that. We were planning to say on the invite that kids are welcome to come anyways. Neither DH nor I knows how to BBQ or has a BBQ, that's the only problem, which is why we were going to make it more of a picnic style lunch.

[ladymoreta]

I think it could be fun. DH and I are not the kind of people who could pull it off - we tend to be hermits! But if you can throw a great party, by all means, do it! I'd suggest potluck. People will probably feel more comfortable if they can bring a side dish, drinks, or a bag of chips. As long as the weather is nice, I'd have it outside. It seems like conversation flows better outdoors.

[Sheherezade]

I agree with ladymoreta - potluck somehow makes it more of a group event and not a more formal party. With a potluck, everyone is helping and the guests don't feel like the host has done all the work alone. I suppose that could backfire, too though - if the neighborhood is more of a hosted party type place. Sadly, it all depends on what happens in your area and that is hard to know when you are the new guy in town!

Some of the neighbors might actually be embarrassed that they haven't stopped by to welcome you. (We have one neighbor here who still remembers a certain house as "the people that didn't say welcome to the neighborhood to her". ) I think that the Miss Manners correct version of meeting the neighbors traditionally has the neighbors that already live in an area bringing cookies or at least stopping by to say hello. Your party would be great fun - but you wouldn't want anyone to think you're calling them out for being unfriendly. (These days, everyone is just so busy and we all tend to live in our own little cocoons.)

[SuzySunshine]

I definitely think having it outdoors is more casual - I also think a potluck would be more casual and may make people more comfortable.

[Meenah]

I say yes to the outdoor potluck. We had neighbors who moved in a few years ago and organized a neighborhood picnic ( at a little park on our street) and it was a big hit (she was fromthe south). We still have it every year. I also think it depends on where you live. I grew up in the south, and I'm now in NJ. I couldn't believe how unfriendly everyone here was when I got here, finallhy I realized it was just the normal for here. Now I am the same way sometimes.

Some of the neighbors might actually be embarrassed that they haven't stopped by to welcome you. (We have one neighbor here who still remembers a certain house as "the people that didn't say welcome to the neighborhood to her". ) I think that the Miss Manners correct version of meeting the neighbors traditionally has the neighbors that already live in an area bringing cookies or at least stopping by to say hello. Your party would be great fun - but you wouldn't want anyone to think you're calling them out for being unfriendly. (These days, everyone is just so busy and we all tend to live in our own little cocoons.)

All true. My mom used to tell the story of baking brownies and taking them around to neighbors to introduce herself, since no one had stopped by to meet she and my dad. She had the kind of personality that could pull that off, and we are friends now nearly 40 years later with a family from that street. These days (and around here) the same thing would be seen as being snooty or trying to one-up people who hadn't brought anything by. My mom was just being funny and friendly.

Outdoors is automatically more laid back / less intimidating, as well as less of a concern for people worrying about bringing their kids into a child-free home. We were lucky here, we had a couple neighbors stop by to introduce themselves right away, and the previous owners left a flyer out about a block party happening 2 weeks after we moved in. Everyone was so friendly, I assumed they all knew each other, but at the party I realized that most of them had never met -- even though they'd been living here for 2 years!

[DCJenn]

Three years ago one of our neighbors decided we should have a "first Thursday" street wide Happy Hour because we live in the downtown arts district and everyone either embraces or avoids the official "First Friday." It was first introduced as "cocktails, get to know your neighbors, new and old" Everyone has wholly embraced it- each house hosts once a year (except us for some reason we do it twice ...aka a pool) and it's been GREAT. We know each other, we hang out with each other, and most importantly, on the crisis list to get my kid, after the neighbors a few streets over whose daughter attends the same daycare, the emergency call list is: Neighbors to the left, neighbor to the right, neighbor three doors down. And when we want to reinforce something like wearing the bike helmet, we sent out an email and EVERYONE who sees the dude says, "Nice helmet."

and, as much as i loved our DC neighbors, this never would have flown there. We met people at the dog park and went out w/ individual couples but never the entire 'hood. But DC was a bit more concentrated than the downtown neighborhood where we are now.

We also have a quarterly neighborhood crawl where people (four families) open up their houses for drinks and appetizers and we spend 45 minutes at each house. It's fun and yet depressing because it sucks to go to peoples' houses that are actually DONE!

So, point o' story- go with what feels the most natural for your area. People really do want to connect but just don't know how.

Jenn

[Meenah]

people really do want to connect but just don't know how.

amen!!!!!