Body Image

[WolfpackWife]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthi...n-comments-wom

I saw this just a few moments ago and it had a big impact on me. I come from a long line of women who did and do not have high self esteem when it comes to their bodies or self image. Even when my mom was at her teeniest, she still carried herself with a lack of confidence. Her sister is the same way, and my cousin and I have often talked about how they didn't exactly teach us how to be comfortable in your own skin and as a result, we both struggle with poor body image. I watched this and it actually brought tears to my eyes - I've mentioned to DH before that he doesn't know what it's like to hate the way you look and that was even true for me when I was a size 0. He doesn't understand why I see myself so poorly or constantly brush him off when he tells me I look good in something or my body looks good, etc. It's just part of what is ingrained in me and I still hope to change it. While I get that this is a little gimmicky, it was powerful for me and I'm sure for others who often find themselves in dressing rooms asking "why did I do this to myself?" when things don't fit well. It seems to affect women of all sizes, and that's part of why I've always envied heavier women who are obviously SO comfortable in their own skin, what a freeing feeling that must be.

[Cleave]

I don't have much to say, but
A. It's good to call attention to language we use that's destructive, so that we can be aware of it and change it.
B. Hugs to you.

[MAPPLEBUM]

This video has been all over my facebook feed. My mother was kind of the opposite of yours. She had been very small and fit when she was young but has pretty much kept a lot of weight on since I was born. She tried to convince her daughters as they came into teen years that wanting to wear makeup and shave legs/armpits was vain and not what was "really important". Because of this I think I had zero conception of body image until college. Weird to say but I don't even think I actually understood the relationship between eating and weight until college either. So the obvious downside is my impulse to eat whatever and whenever I want is reinforced by 18 years of blissful ignorance. I'm sure you can imagine I struggle with weight. As far as the negative self talk, it may "inspire" certain women to abstain for an entire lifetime, but for people like me it worked for a few years and now almost has a backlash effect. I'll behave for awhile and then perhaps only eat Nutella for a week. But the same goes for positive self talk. It can "inspire" women to be confident and make wise choices, but for people like me it also inspires my inner glutton (associating confidence with "I don't care if this is unhealthy"). I don't have the answer. I have been failing on the weight issue since we moved to the Midwest. What I do know is after 1.5 years of watching the scale slide back up to my high school weight I'm TIRED of fighting it and trying to figure out what I'm doing differently from 2 years ago.

[diggitydot]

Body Image

I think a LOT of people don't notice their own negative internal dialogue until it's pointed out by someone else. Or presented to them in a surprising way like they did in the store.

There are so many smart, caring, beautiful, and loving people who have such a low opinion of themselves. I don't get it. I won't let anyone make disparaging remarks about my peeps, not even themselves.

[MsSassyBaskets]

Why is it that mothers are often the worst offenders when it comes to body image? I like to think I have decent body image and don't engage in too much negative self-talk, but my mother can quickly send me over the edge into a shame spiral. She was tiny when she was younger, then gained weight after kids, but even after she gained weight I would hear her criticizing people for being fat, or complaining about her weight and then not doing anything to get healthier. At the same time, even when I was a size 0 she would remind me that I got my butt from my dad's side of the family, and shame me into wearing larger sizes when things fit snugly (which most things are made to do, when you're 16)... Even today she still comments that I'm "so much curvier" than she was at my age. I'm a size 4, and 5'9". STFU. Over Thanksgiving I had to tell her to "shut it down!" when she started sticking her nose into my marriage, so I'm sure I'm going to have to tell her body image is off limits at some point too. I really hope I can do better if/when I have a girl.

[diggitydot]

My mom has HORRIBLE self-esteem and I've never understood it. She's an incredibly generous, caring, empathetic person who would never dream of talking to anyone the way she talks to and about herself. It really confounds me.

[Vanquisher]

Yeah, I notice my own internal negative dialogue. I have never figured out how to be nicer and not such a raging bitch to myself.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I come from a delusional mother who (at 5'2", 300+#) claims she's all muscle or that her weight issues are from undiagnosed Cushing's (she's been tested 6 ways to Sunday and doesn't have Cushing's...) . My MIL is a huge offender, though, and it pisses me off when she fat talks in front of the kids. I think I'm fairly realistic about how I look - there are things in happy with and things I can improve, but I NEVER say a damn thing about my looks in front of the girls. The "fat talk" does creep in in the form of dismissing compliments that DH might give me - instead of saying "thank you", I will list all the things unattractive about myself. Sigh...


Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

[Curegirl]

I never thought about bodies until high school when people kept talking about so and so having a nice body or a good body and I was like what the hell does that mean? I'm grateful my parents just always said as long as you look clean and smell ok, no one cares. It makes me sad that friends of mine who are amazing and gorgeous beat themselves up so much over their weight

[Thirteen]

I come from a long familial line of body critiquing, masked as "care and concern". I think it's also a regional thing... Very "Southern lady" to not like your body, in my opinion.
Anyway, I told my grandmother (the biggest offender) off at age 14, publicly, and haven't looked back since.
Even my Dad, who I love, used to pat my stomach affectionately and talk about the spare tire - I dealt with him at 20, and in a much more delicate way. He had no idea and apologized profusely.

The self-talk quieted down when I: stopped counting things (portion control, calories, carbs, points), tossed my scale in college, stopped buying/subscribing to the latest beauty rags, and started to think about healthy versus skinny.

I do me, and that's all I can do.
I still struggle with this sometimes: I feel kind of shaped funny, "squishy", etc. But, there's grace now, that I extend to myself, and there wasn't before. I'm different than I used to be, post-kid, but that's not necessarily bad.



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[houseelf]

Honestly, it is a culturally imbued norm for women to self hate.

For me, I started to approach healthie a inner dialogue when I view my body as capable of doing great things rather than being a passive object of potential aesthetics. Running and pregnancy were key turning points for me. I'm not sure I'll ever totally get there, but I'm much more at piece. I love that we are becoming more aware of it and talking about it.

We must remember that we must be the people we want our daughters to become. If I can't do it for myself, I need to love myself so my daughter will love herself.

[natalijennifer]