Interracial Dating and Marriage

[locumtenenswife]

The thread re: Namesake made me think about this issue more, and I was curious how other interracial or multicultural couples feel about their relationships and their cultural responsibility to their families. What do you see as the most difficult thing about being in a multi-cultural relationship? And if you have kids, what will you teach them about their culture and heritage?

[locumtenenswife]

Re: Interracial Dating and Marriage

I'm thankful that DH and I were brought up in a environment that made it easy for us to date each other without harsh judgment. I am multi-cultural (my mother is Pacific Islander, father is Polish, both direct immigrants to the US from their native countries), and my husband is Korean-American (born from Korean parents who immigrated to the US). Our families (his family especially) were also a little concerned that our cultural differences were "too big", but this only really became an issue when marriage was discussed. Funny thing was, part of the reason DH and I got along so well was because the values that our parents instilled in us were so similar.

Both DH and I had 10+ years experience dating people who were different from us ethnically and culturally, and we shared stories of having to explain our "parental obligations" and "familial expectations" to our SO's, usually ending up with the other person rolling their eyes or shrugging their shoulders and not really understanding the cultural significance of being a "responsible" son or daughter. It's hard enough to bring a SO into a family that is culturally different and its even more difficult to bridge the cultural gap when there is a lack of understanding or respect for the other culture or ethnicity. Sometimes you have to choose between your SO or your family, and that's an awful decision to make.

Learning more about DH's culture and making an attempt to learn the Korean language so I can communicate with my in-laws has done so much to bridge the cultural differences between our families. The ultimate goal for our combined family is to make sure that each unique culture in our family tree is not forgotten, and that our children are able to learn about their heritage and understand where they came from.

[alison]

Re: Interracial Dating and Marriage

I speak German. Dh is receptive to my Japanese heritage and can use chopsticks better than most. The issues I have with my in-laws has nothing to do with my background.

[DrWahoo]

Re: Interracial Dating and Marriage

Maybe I oversimplify things, but I think every couple has some sort of cultural differences. To me culture is just a set of values, created by geographic location and personal experiences. Two WASPS can grow up right next to each other and marry and still divorce simply because their personal culture is different.

My husband is African and I am African American. Maybe because he has been here more than half his life, but I don't ever think our differences are because he is African. What has brought us together is our Christian faith. I try to look at him as an individual, rather than just some stereotype of his culture.

[medpedspouse]

Re: Interracial Dating and Marriage

Two WASPS can grow up right next to each other and marry and still divorce simply because their personal culture is different.

ITA

DH and I from 2 different cultures. However, our families are very much alike in terms of values, traditions, etc. His brother on the other hand, who married someone from his hometown, has "issues" with his in-laws because they act like they are from another planet.