Mom's Letter to Santa

I think this makes the rounds every year, but I still like it:

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and
cuddled my children on demand, visited their doctor's
office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of
candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the
school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several
Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my
son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the
laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll
find anymore free time in the next 18 years.


Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any
color, except purple, which I already have) and arms
that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong
enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy
aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in
the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like
fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only
plays adult music; a television that doesn't
broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and
a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the
crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that
says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with
two
kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that
will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting
"Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands
off your sister," because my voice seems to be just out of my
children's hearing range and can only be heard by the
dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd
settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my
hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food
warmer than room temperature without it being served
in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas
miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be
too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It
will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to
help around the house without demanding payment as if
they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my
son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think
he wants his crayon back. Have a s afe trip and
remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come
in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat
too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests
if you can keep my children young enough to believe in
Santa.

Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the
mommies you know