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Religious medical joke?

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  • Religious medical joke?

    Passed on to me from one of my many friends with to much time on their hands!!


    In the beginning

    God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

    Then, using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Creme. And Satan said, You want chocolate with that? And Man said Oh Yeah. And Woman said, and another one with sprinkles. And they gained 10 pounds.

    And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

    And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 10.

    So God said, Try my fresh green salad.

    And Satan presented Thousand-Island and Creamy Ranch Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

    God then said, I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.

    And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

    And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

    God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those
    extra pounds.

    And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained more pounds.

    Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

    And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them.

    And man gained pounds.

    God then gave lean beef so the Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

    And Satan created McDonald s and it s 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, You want fries with that?

    And Man replied, Oh Yeah! And super-size em.

    And Satan said, It is good. And Man went into cardiac arrest.

    God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

    And Satan created HMO's.

  • #2
    That is soo funny. Thanks.
    Luanne
    Luanne
    wife, mother, nurse practitioner

    "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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    • #3
      Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
      With fingernails that shine like justice
      And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

      Comment


      • #4
        joke

        Hysterical, Matt!!!!!! :mrgreen


        I love Ben and Jerry's!!!!!

        Also...had anyone tried the Dulce de Luce ? ice cream....who makes that? Anyway...that stuff is AWESOME!!!

        kris
        ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
        ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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        • #5
          I have tried the Hagen Dazs Dulce de Leche and LOVE IT! I think they make a yogurt flavor that is just as good and at least a little easier to justify.
          mmmmmmm.....

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          • #6
            aha

            So THATs how you spell it...I knew it didn't look right as I typed it I didn't realize that they also may a yogurt form...but I'm telling you...I MUST stay away from that stuff this summer.....It is so good that I can literally eat a whole tub of it in one sitting..I promise myself each bite will be my last

            kris
            ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
            ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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            • #7
              I love Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. Yummmmmmm....
              Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
              With fingernails that shine like justice
              And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

              Comment


              • #8
                Please!! Stop with all this talk of icecream!!
                mmmmm.....phishfood......waves of marshmallow and little chocolate fishies.....mmmmmm
                Good thing that comes in yogurt too.

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                • #9
                  Haagen Dazs' Rum Raisin is absolutely heavenly! Hey, ice cream AND liquor is brilliant! I'm not a big ice cream eater but this stuff is worth the it's weight in cellulite. You've got to try it!

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                  • #10
                    For those of you who are dulce de leche fans, if you are ever at Cheesecake Factory, order the dulce de leche caramel cheesecake. It is the best thing I think I ever tasted!
                    Awake is the new sleep!

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