being infertile on Facebook

[MrsK]

I'm not sure that I'm posting this in the right forum. Perhaps it should be with parenting or debates. . . I saw this about a week ago and I keep thinking about it. It is a amusing but truthful comment on what it's like on facebook it seems like "everyone else" is having babies.
http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alitt...mments/page/2/

OMG, that fb thread is hilarious!

I wasn't on fb then, but they hit the nail on the head with the string of comments. It would be frustrating to anyone ttc.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

The only inaccuracy is that all the ladies have photographs of their faces as their profile pic-- my feed is a stream of ultrasound photos, bump close-ups, and eventually baby pics (updated daily, of course)... or maybe I'm the only one who is apparently friends with a bunch of uteri and their contents.

After our first daughter passed I deactivated my facebook account because I couldn't handle all the baby announcements.

After our first daughter passed I deactivated my facebook account because I couldn't handle all the baby announcements.

I never experienced the kind of loss that you did. I can only imagine that there were lots of things like this that were very painful.

[DCJenn]

YES to the entire thing. Thank goodness it hadn't been invented when we were getting the dude or I likely would have had to shut the whole thing off.

J.

[SuzySunshine]

I'm also glad that it wasn't around when we were battling our infertility.

[ladymoreta]

This is something I have definitely considered, since I tend to make a lot of status updates and post a ridiculous amount of pictures. I try to limit my complaining posts, especially during pregnancy, since I remember how annoyed I sometimes got at those while we were waiting to TTC or trying and I was feeling frustrated. I still wonder if I am being hurtful sometimes, but I hope that my friends know that I don't intend to.

[Thirteen]

I don't put any pictures of ultrasounds, or announcements about the baby on Facebook. The people who we are close to already know, and get updates via e-mail. Although, I hadn't thought about all the Mr. Bean stuff I post here... maybe I should be a little more considerate (?)

I can't speak for anyone else, but there really wasn't much that people could do to make it NOT painful, without rearranging their entire lives.
With my first pregnancy, I asked the people at work not to give me a traditional baby shower, because I had hated showers so much. There were several coworkers who might have found them painful for one reason or another. We just had a party instead. Now, I kind of wish I had let them throw me one - They walked me through a lot, and I think they would have liked officially celebrating with me.
It's a tough call, and not everyone needs exactly the same type of support.

I don't think it's necessary to censor baby updates on facebook. It's the social norm and totally a great way to share exciting news and cute photos. If you have any friends who might be feeling sensitive, they probably know what they can handle, and can choose when to log on or who to hide (unlike real life, where yeah, some filter may be considerate in certain situations). You can't pretend you don't have a cute baby! While you're very sweet to be thinking of others' feelings, I think we all have to sort out our own emotional baggage.

[SuzySunshine]

Oh I agree, I don't think you need to censor you can never really know what others are going through. I think like most difficult situations you just have to decide what is comfortable for you, hiding people or closing your accounts are always options.

[DCJenn]

It just gets REALLY, REALLY old after a while.

J.

[MrsK]

I have to admit I'm guilty. I joined FB just a few weeks before I got married and for the next year I'd say that at least 80% of my posts were about being a newlywed. And then I got pregnant and for about 6 months all my posts were about pregnancy. And in the last year I'd say that nearly all of my posts have been about BabyK -- DrK and Moxie get about 5%. Certainly, I don't intend for my FB posts to offend anyone. It's just that each of these events in my life were so all-encompassing that it seems like they are the only important stuff going on in my life. . . that and it's a lot more fun and a lot less controversal to post about my little family than it is to post about my work or complaints. It's scary but I'd be hard pressed to find a current picture of myself without DrK or BabyK. But as someone who married and started my family later than many of my friends (heck, some of my friends have teenaged and adult children), I understand what it is like when it seems that everyone is enjoying happiness that seems elusive. I really hope I haven't been too obnoxious.

That's a funny article.
Six months after S and I started dating I had emergency surgery which led to a hysterectomy. I haven't been on facebook since. I know that I have been blessed with three beautiful children but to this day it is hard to wrap my brain around the fact that I will never actually carry S and my babies in my own body.

I am more than happy for those who are blessed with little bundles, don't get me wrong but it seemed like EVERYWHERE I looked on facebook people were pregnant or popping the little bubs out!

(I also got rid of fb for other reasons but I have to say that I definitely don't miss it!)