What the lifestyle has taught you.

[houseelf]

I had an encounter with a new neighbor that made me think about how this journey made me view life a bit differently. Because we have moved around a bit, I am the first to go over to a newcomer and welcome them. I make my kids invite the new kids over to play and my oldest is a student ambassador for new students in his school. I guess that I have felt awkward and lonely enough to make this issue a top priority for me.

I also tend not to sweat the small stuff. 9 years of the grind of residency makes the rest of life seem like the Rose Bowl parade in comparison. Sure, medicine has a dark seedy underbelly even as an attending, but it is night and day.

I am far more confident because I have gone off and lived by myself and raised children as a quasi single mom. I still don't know what I'm doing but I'm much more willing to trust my gut because I've done this alone and the little peeps are turning out just fine. I'm not a confident person by nature, but this experience has made more confident.

OK, your turn.

[SoonerTexan]

Give me 5-8 years

[scrub-jay]

The *actual* birthday, anniversary, holiday... is flexible. If you remembered and you told me you wanted to celebrate early/late... I am okay with that. I used to see so much importance on a DATE, but now I know it is the thought behind it. We flex for medicine.

[lovelight]

Mine is similar to yours, houseelf...it has taught me to be less of an introvert. I'm now much more capable of making friends. I'm also a much more independent person and far less needy in my relationship than my former self.

[Deebs]

Gosh, I don't even know where to start, and I honestly don't know if it's this lifestyle or our path through it that have taught me much of this.

First, I am much more outgoing than what comes naturally to me. I have learned to put myself out there because it's the only way I'm not going to end up isolated. I'm still working on asking people for help. I am frequently a single mom, and probably always will be to some extent.

I value life more than I ever could have imagined. Dh sees so much that is just unimaginable, and it reminds me daily of what a precious gift life is. I went from the girl who NEVER cried (whether happy or sad), to the woman who cried when we entered the gates at Disney World with our kids, when my daughter started reading, when I thank my children's teachers for being the awesome people they are, and while reading my mother's day card. I also work really hard to be engaged fully with my children and enjoy every moment. I realize how fast it all goes.

I can do just about anything in our house. It's pretty much on me, or may not get done.

I never know what someone else is going through. I work so hard to give others the benefit of the doubt, and a smile, even when they seem like self-centered morons. Who knows what might be going on in their life? I certainly wish people would have done the same for me with greater frequency. I'm not saying that I'm not judgmental (we all are), but knowing how many times I've been looked at as the rich dawkters wife when I could barely afford underwear for my kids (and that's when I had a good paying job), to realizing that anyone may have just left a doctor's office and gotten horrible news (I also can't tell you how many people DH has had walk into the ED for some pain that they thought they just needed meds to get through and walk out with a diagnosis of cancer - everywhere, or something equally devastating).

While holidays can be celebrated anytime, there are some that I will be really hurt knowing everyone else is with their family and my DH could have been with us. Mother's Day is non-negotiable, as is Halloween. It's an easy day for DH to take off. I get that Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter are going to have to be worked some years, so I have chosen less popular hospitals that I depend on my DH taking off.

I also know what it's like to really struggle financially, which is crazy because until DH was an attending, I worked other than a SAHM and made a good living, but all of our extra money went toward med school, books, supplies, living, etc (and we still have a boat load of student loans). We didn't do vacation in med school or residency because that was money that could go toward a loan or daily living expenses. I did always insist on having a good, reliable car.

I think that's all I've got for now. I think I still have some PTSD - it's kind of stressing me out to think about this.

[Vanquisher]

That I mostly hate people.
That there are people who will try to ruin your life without giving it a second thought.
That you can age 20 years in 5.
That I can stretch a budget.
That paying more just because I can is stupid.
That I am generous, kind, resourceful, strong.
That my marriage can survive anything.
That medicine sucks.
That my whole family might never truly leave the evils of residency and what it did to us behind.
That I can do almost anything on my own, but don't want to.
That time is the most precious thing there is.

There's a few.

[diggitydot]

What the med life has taught me:

-I'm cool with being a hermit.

-I don't mind not having deep roots in whichever community we happen to be living in at any particular time.

-I kinda don't like most people.

-Flexibility is key to pretty much everything.

-Find a good local plumber long before you actually need them.

-Moving sucks balls.

[Deebs]

Here's one of my favorite past times - look at a class picture from the beginning of medical school and compare it to one at the end, and do the same with residency. Most of the people look like it's been at least twice the amount of time spent, in terms of aging (kind of like watching a President age).

[niener]

So far I think it's mostly only reinforced things I already knew about myself (I'm decently cut out for this lifestyle I think), but it's taught me a lot about DH I didn't know -- mostly good .

Med school taught me to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised if it's better than that. Intern year taught me it's really not as bad as I thought (probably because of what med school taught me, haha).

Other than that,

1. It's all about who you know, and more importantly who they know.
2. Board scores matter. Too much.
3. The people you share this with (fellow med students and residents) can completely make or break the experience.

[GrayMatterWife]

The juice is worth the squeeze.

[BonBon]

What the med life has taught me:

-I'm cool with being a hermit.

-I don't mind not having deep roots in whichever community we happen to be living in at any particular time.

-I kinda don't like most people.

-Flexibility is key to pretty much everything.

-Find a good local plumber long before you actually need them.

-Moving sucks balls.

^^All this.

[lovelight]

Deebs - your post is spot on for me and really moved me. Sounds corny, I know, but true.

Also, I'm a cryer now too and never was before...I feel like this is happening to me far too soon...and to nobody else. Glad I'm not alone

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

That you cannot have it all.

[Thirteen]

That God is real, and present, and guiding every step of our path.
That I truly can do pretty much anything, all by myself.
That I can enjoy my life and family, wherever I live, whatever amount of money we make.
That family closeness is very important.
That good communication is vital to survival.
That my job is my calling.


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[MrsSz]

-Moving sucks balls.