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Not sure if there are any other engineers out there, but some of these gave me a good laugh. My husband makes fun of me all the time for my engineer-like tendencies (of course, that is what I do for a living 
)
Q: What is the definition of a engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Q: When does a person decide to become a engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q : How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineer cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive a engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
You might be a engineer if ........
* choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
* you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
* in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
* the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
* at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
* you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
* you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
* you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
* you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
* you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
* you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
* you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
* you know what http:// stands for
* you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
* you see a good design and still have to change it.
* you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
* you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
* you window shop at Radio Shack.
* your laptop computer costs more than your car.
* your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
* you've already calculated how much you make per second.
* you've tried to repair a 2-way radio.
Comprehending Engineers-Take One
*******************************
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
*******************************
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" architect and artist questioned. Engineer replied: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
*******************************
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
***************************
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
*******************************
A group of Q.A. inspectors were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, puts the pole back and gives the measurement to one of the inspectors and walks away.
After the engineer has gone, one inspector turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
)Q: What is the definition of a engineer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Q: When does a person decide to become a engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q : How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineer cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive a engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
You might be a engineer if ........
* choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
* you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
* in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
* the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
* at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
* you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
* you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
* you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
* you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
* you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
* you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
* you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
* you know what http:// stands for
* you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
* you see a good design and still have to change it.
* you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
* you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
* you window shop at Radio Shack.
* your laptop computer costs more than your car.
* your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
* you've already calculated how much you make per second.
* you've tried to repair a 2-way radio.
Comprehending Engineers-Take One
*******************************
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
*******************************
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" architect and artist questioned. Engineer replied: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
*******************************
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
***************************
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
*******************************
A group of Q.A. inspectors were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, puts the pole back and gives the measurement to one of the inspectors and walks away.
After the engineer has gone, one inspector turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
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