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True Tales of Medicine
A man came into the ER yelling, "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later I heard her reporting to the rest of the family, saying he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart, and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Left," I said,
and again a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He could not even read the large letter on the top line. I turned, and
discovered he had done exactly what I had asked. He was standing there
with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, he was having trouble with one of his medications "Which one?," I asked. "The patch," he replied. "The nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I would not see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since this incident, the
instructions now include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
since you've been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered, "Why, not for about twenty years; when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky, and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" She answered, "It's very good, except for the
Kentucky jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste." I then asked to
see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled KY Jelly.
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally...
A new, young MD when doing his residency in OB, was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling. The middle aged lady upon who he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No, doctor, but the song you
were whistling was 'I Wish I Was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
A man came into the ER yelling, "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later I heard her reporting to the rest of the family, saying he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart, and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Left," I said,
and again a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He could not even read the large letter on the top line. I turned, and
discovered he had done exactly what I had asked. He was standing there
with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, he was having trouble with one of his medications "Which one?," I asked. "The patch," he replied. "The nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I would not see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since this incident, the
instructions now include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
since you've been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered, "Why, not for about twenty years; when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky, and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" She answered, "It's very good, except for the
Kentucky jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste." I then asked to
see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled KY Jelly.
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally...
A new, young MD when doing his residency in OB, was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling. The middle aged lady upon who he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No, doctor, but the song you
were whistling was 'I Wish I Was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."