Top ten signs your family might be on the trashy side

[houseelf]

You throw a huge Easter party and know with certainty that $40 was stolen out of your purse.

When you apply to law school and the application inquires whether you have any family members in the field of law, you consider responding with a list of offenses and dates of incarcerations

Your thirteen year old compares certain family members to characters on shows like "Hardcore Pawn" or "Moonshiners"

You have to explain that no, Aunt Irene's third husband has met his maker, this new guy is husband number 4.



Help a girl out by adding your own. If I wasn't laughing I'd be crying...

[v-girl]

Oh if you could read the texts between LM, 13, and me. I'm sure ST is questioning our rationality now.

(Can I say thanks for autocorrect since I type poorly after drinking?)

[moonlight]

When you can't keep up with what cousin is currently in rehab

[HouseofWool]

When both parents and your big brother are all currently doing time. (I think big brother's is in county, so no felony. Mom is in for manslaughter and hiding a corpse, Dad is doing time for burglary I believe. ) Lets see, hmmm, Grandma is an on again off again meth head. Everybody's name in any given generation sounds alike. (Christina and Katrina are cousins. Then in Grandma's generation there is a pack of them with weird hillbilly variations on the name Belinda.)

Just to be clear, not my family, but the bio family of the kiddo my folks adopted. If you tried to write their story up as fiction, it would be laughed at as being too implausible.

.

[moonlight]

At one point last year I had to listen to a random story for a HOUR about how one drugged up cousin couldn't afford her rent that cost $12 per Month and somehow lost all her stuff in her driveway when she was moving. Then her drunk dad decided he would tell the police how crappy of a job they were doing in finding her stuff all the while he was Totally Blitzed.
Guess who stayed in jail that night?

[diggitydot]

- The most successful person in the family is the ONLY one who both avoided jail and graduated high school. Eventually.

- Mom's gift to her kid on their 25th birthday was a giant bag of weed in a decorative wooden keepsake box.

- Matriarch of the fam became a great-grandma at the ripe old age of 50. No, that isn't a typo.

- Keeping up with which family member is in rehab or jail is fucked-up version of "Who's on First?"

- More grandparents have custody of grand kids than parents have custody of their own kids.

- A baby being born meth-affected surprises no one.

- Mom has had intimate relations with all of her sons-in-law.

- Matriarch's toothless ex is younger than all of her kids and was at one time her son's BFF.

I could go on. My ex's family is one hot mess.


DH's fam is a mess, too.

- When your HS girlfriend turns up pregnant and 10 guys are named as potential fathers.

- When the father of your HS girlfriend's baby ends up being your cousin.

- When your step-brother ends up being killed because he was trying to rob someone.

- When your brother and cousin are totally cool being romantically involved and moving in together as a couple because "she's adopted".

[SoonerTexan]

3 out of my mom's 4 immediate family members (sister/parents) have been through bankruptcy/foreclosure. When you start looking at aunts/uncles/cousins, the percentage is probably about 70%. I'm not sure how my mother learned to properly handle money. And most of them don't blame themselves, but the government/housing market/who knows.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

My aunt's husband passed away and she married my step-aunt's husband (my step aunt had also passed) in under a year.

My Dads ex-GF is now employed by my Moms stalker (and no, no one thinks that's a coincidence).

My dad seriously dated a 27 year old while I was a senior in college (gross).

[GrayMatterWife]

My day was completely sucking until I saw this thread. I am laughing so hard that I can't help but have my spirits lifted a little!

I'll add:

--When eating dried-out hot dogs from a rotating spit at the 7-11 is considered a "meal" for the family.

--When someone is assumed to be "uppity" because they pour the beer into a glass.

--When the phrase "might could" is considered grammatically acceptable.

--When the fact you went to college counts against you in terms of assumed intelligence.

--When the towels that your family stole from the Motel - 6 are considered the "good ones" that get fluffed and put out for "comp'knee"

These aren't my immediate family, but they are definitely close enough to depress me!

[MrsK]

You make an annual pilgramage to Graceland.

Your entire wardrobe was purchased at the Graceland gift shop.

Said wardrobe is more valuable than your trailer home.

You and your husband have the same mullet haircut.

You file bankruptcy every 7 years.

You show up at your lawyer's office drunk. Then refuse to speak with the lawyer or any of her staff except for the pretty receptionist who you believe knows your case better than anyone there.

(typical clients when I worked in a debtor's practice)

[ladymoreta]

T&S - My grandpa's dad married his sister-in-law when both of their spouses died. Also, two of my uncles married women who were sisters (with each other, no relation to my uncles). It makes for some interesting family tree branches...

When your news feed last week still had more anti-gun control posts than marriage equality posts.

When you know you live in the biggest town in the county because it has a Wal-Mart. And it only became a super center less than 10 years ago.

When the area you grew up in is officially called "Little Dixie".

When you still have family members who think its okay to openly discuss racist ideas and assume you want to read their forwarded racist jokes.

[MrsK]

. . .My grandpa's dad married his sister-in-law when both of their spouses died. Also, two of my uncles married women who were sisters (with each other, no relation to my uncles). It makes for some interesting family tree branches...

This is actually pretty common.

How about, when your grandparents are first cousins. . . and the set of grandparents they have in common are first cousins too? My family tree does not fork.

[WolfpackWife]

Your cousin just gave birth to her third child by a third man. All three of her kids are only half-siblings. Oh, and her newest baby daddy doesn't have to work because he's on disability after being dishonorably discharged from the army following what has only been described as "mental issues". Oh, and this cousin and her sister have both gotten surgeries funded by their daddy (my uncle): the one who can't keep her legs closed got gastric bypass. Her younger sister chose to get a boob job.

Disclaimer: we're not close to their family.

[GrayMatterWife]

You make an annual pilgramage to Graceland.

Your entire wardrobe was purchased at the Graceland gift shop.

Said wardrobe is more valuable than your trailer home.

You and your husband have the same mullet haircut.

You file bankruptcy every 7 years.

You show up at your lawyer's office drunk. Then refuse to speak with the lawyer or any of her staff except for the pretty receptionist who you believe knows your case better than anyone there.

(typical clients when I worked in a debtor's practice)

Your clients must have filed for bankruptcy in my judge's court!! I know these people!

I know you mentioned that they show up at the lawyer's office drunk...but how about tweaking? We sometimes get people show up who are tweaking on meth. They are way fun.

[SoonerTexan]

My aunt's husband passed away and she married my step-aunt's husband (my step aunt had also passed) in under a year.

Still trying to wrap my head around that one. Makes my head hurt.

My great-grandparents are first cousins, but it stopped there