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Zen-like thoughts for the day...
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.. Do not
walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not
walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken
fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going
to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time
to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you fart.
6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.
9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile
in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it! .
13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything..
14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot
of that comes from bad judgment.
16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in
half and put it back in your pocket.
17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a
dark side, and it holds the universe together.
19. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving..
21. Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.
22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
23. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped
on our ass...Then things get worse.
24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
25. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
26. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to
take it too seriously.
27. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
other people to make a big deal about your birthday...
around age 11.
28. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
THE MOST WASTED DAY OF ALL IS ONE IN
WHICH WE HAVE NOT LAUGHED!
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.. Do not
walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not
walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken
fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going
to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time
to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you fart.
6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.
9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile
in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it! .
13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything..
14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot
of that comes from bad judgment.
16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in
half and put it back in your pocket.
17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a
dark side, and it holds the universe together.
19. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving..
21. Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.
22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
23. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped
on our ass...Then things get worse.
24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
25. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
26. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to
take it too seriously.
27. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
other people to make a big deal about your birthday...
around age 11.
28. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
THE MOST WASTED DAY OF ALL IS ONE IN
WHICH WE HAVE NOT LAUGHED!
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