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I promised in another thread that I'd tell this story sometime. It could probably go into the parenting thread but I think those without children would enjoy a laugh at my expense too. Here is my attempt at levity for the day because this parenting thing is HARD and I've gotta laugh or I'll cry.
Last month, K1 was attending two schools. He'd go to one school in the morning, have an hour lunch break with me, and then I'd take him to the second school. One day, I decided it would be nice to have a picnic in the park across from school #2 during that break. I packed a lunch and took all three of my kids to the park (ages 4, almost 3, and infant). Now, imagine the park set up. It's a pretty large park with a parking lot that is adjacent to a bathroom structure. Then there is a picnic area next to the bathrooms and then beyond the picnic area there is a play area. We had lunch in the picnic area and then the boys went to play.
Ten minutes before we have to leave, I give the boys a 10-minute warning. This is followed by a 5-minute warning and a 2-minute warning. When I announce it is time to go, K1 promptly comes to my side and announces that he has to poop. K2 is in the top of the play structure and refuses to come down. K1 is jumping up and down, becoming increasingly desperate, as I beg K2 to get out of the play structure. Finally, K1 takes off running toward the bathrooms, holding his backside. I get K2 out of the play structure and drag the pokiest, least-cooperative kid to the bathrooms.
When I get into the bathroom, K1 is sitting on the toilet and says to me, "I'm sorry, Mom. I tried to make it." Poor kid had soiled his pants. As I'm tossing the underpants in the trash, K2 locks himself in the stall with K1 who is unable to get up. I instruct K2 to crawl under the door (in a public park restroom) and drag the pokiest, least-cooperative kid and the infant back to the car where I have a change of clothes for K1. Meanwhile, feeling anxious about leaving K1 alone in the public restroom.
I open my car, K2 darts in and grabs my coffee from the cup holder, begins guzzling, spilling the cold coffee down his chest and all over the car. I wrestle him into his carseat. He punches me in the nose and kicks me. All the while, I'm freaking out because any minute some perv is could find my 4yo unattended in the restroom. I move the car as close to the restrooms as possible, open the windows all the way, lock the car, and rush into the bathroom with the clean clothes. Meanwhile, feeling anxious about leaving K2 and the baby in the car. I'm looking for another mom that can help but with the play area beyond the picnic area, the other families are a good 40-50 feet from me and I cannot waste time going for back up. Can't bring the other kids back into the bathroom either because K2 is acting like a monster and must be contained for everyone's welfare.
I get in the bathroom, and...well, you know how sometimes you get into a public restroom that is such a mess that you wonder how, on Earth, such a disgusting mess could have ever happened? Well, this is how it happens. K1 had attempted to clean himself up and, in the process, had made an awful mess. So, I've got the wipes out and I'm frantically cleaning him and cleaning the toilet, walls, floor, etc all the while yelling at him to hurry and get his pants on because his brother and sister are in the car. I keep running back to the car, imaging that I'll get out and a crowd will have surrounded my car, calling the police and child protective services, and my poky, uncooperative almost 3yo will be ratting me out for all kinds of atrocities. I get K1 sort of cleaned up, leave him with the clothes, go check on the car, back and forth, yelling like a banshee, and feeling like all my chickadees are endangered. Finally, K1 gets his pants on, I race back to the car, and somehow manage to get into the preschool carpool lane 2 minutes before drop off time ends.
Last month, K1 was attending two schools. He'd go to one school in the morning, have an hour lunch break with me, and then I'd take him to the second school. One day, I decided it would be nice to have a picnic in the park across from school #2 during that break. I packed a lunch and took all three of my kids to the park (ages 4, almost 3, and infant). Now, imagine the park set up. It's a pretty large park with a parking lot that is adjacent to a bathroom structure. Then there is a picnic area next to the bathrooms and then beyond the picnic area there is a play area. We had lunch in the picnic area and then the boys went to play.
Ten minutes before we have to leave, I give the boys a 10-minute warning. This is followed by a 5-minute warning and a 2-minute warning. When I announce it is time to go, K1 promptly comes to my side and announces that he has to poop. K2 is in the top of the play structure and refuses to come down. K1 is jumping up and down, becoming increasingly desperate, as I beg K2 to get out of the play structure. Finally, K1 takes off running toward the bathrooms, holding his backside. I get K2 out of the play structure and drag the pokiest, least-cooperative kid to the bathrooms.
When I get into the bathroom, K1 is sitting on the toilet and says to me, "I'm sorry, Mom. I tried to make it." Poor kid had soiled his pants. As I'm tossing the underpants in the trash, K2 locks himself in the stall with K1 who is unable to get up. I instruct K2 to crawl under the door (in a public park restroom) and drag the pokiest, least-cooperative kid and the infant back to the car where I have a change of clothes for K1. Meanwhile, feeling anxious about leaving K1 alone in the public restroom.
I open my car, K2 darts in and grabs my coffee from the cup holder, begins guzzling, spilling the cold coffee down his chest and all over the car. I wrestle him into his carseat. He punches me in the nose and kicks me. All the while, I'm freaking out because any minute some perv is could find my 4yo unattended in the restroom. I move the car as close to the restrooms as possible, open the windows all the way, lock the car, and rush into the bathroom with the clean clothes. Meanwhile, feeling anxious about leaving K2 and the baby in the car. I'm looking for another mom that can help but with the play area beyond the picnic area, the other families are a good 40-50 feet from me and I cannot waste time going for back up. Can't bring the other kids back into the bathroom either because K2 is acting like a monster and must be contained for everyone's welfare.
I get in the bathroom, and...well, you know how sometimes you get into a public restroom that is such a mess that you wonder how, on Earth, such a disgusting mess could have ever happened? Well, this is how it happens. K1 had attempted to clean himself up and, in the process, had made an awful mess. So, I've got the wipes out and I'm frantically cleaning him and cleaning the toilet, walls, floor, etc all the while yelling at him to hurry and get his pants on because his brother and sister are in the car. I keep running back to the car, imaging that I'll get out and a crowd will have surrounded my car, calling the police and child protective services, and my poky, uncooperative almost 3yo will be ratting me out for all kinds of atrocities. I get K1 sort of cleaned up, leave him with the clothes, go check on the car, back and forth, yelling like a banshee, and feeling like all my chickadees are endangered. Finally, K1 gets his pants on, I race back to the car, and somehow manage to get into the preschool carpool lane 2 minutes before drop off time ends.
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