Body Image

[civilspouse]

One of my sister's friends did this project/performance. I think it would have taken a lot of courage. This comes at a time for me when after weaning my daughter I've started adding back on some pounds and haven't been feeling so great about my body image (not to mention the tolls of two pregnancies). Her project has helped remind me that I shouldn't be focusing on my belly pouch or saggy boobs so much as concentrating on being healthy.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/candacelowry...017142_6825376

I have seen some negative comments regarding this that we should not be promoting an "unhealthy" body image. I have to disagree though because although I haven't really ever struggled with my weight my sister certainly has. She definitely has a healthier diet than me. While she's eating garden grown fruits and vegetables for dinner and pushing away sugar I settle in for my bowl of ice cream before going to bed. I think different people just have different body types and we should be more accepting.

[EvieLee]

This is heart warming and indeed courageous. Thank you.
I have issues with many aspects of the body image debate on both sides of it so I don't know that I have much to contribute now but what I will say is that I don't believe anyone has the right to degrade you for any aspect of yourself. The people that do I feel are compensating for their own deficits and its a sad world we live in where the negative is constantly promoted and the positive is overlooked. I hope you find it in yourself to value yourself. Self doubt is an vicious thing.
Hugs xo


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[MrsK]

Lovely. Sadly, I found myself comparing my body to hers.

Last night, I was trying to figure out what to wear for the Jewish holidays. Somehow, these things always sneak up on me. I spend weeks preparing clothes for my children but then when the holiday/picture day/wedding arrives, I discover that I have a closet full of jeans and "snot proof" tops. Then, I'm trying on suits and dresses that I last wore years ago, before pregnancies and c-sections, and my 40th birthday! I'm petite so 5lbs is one dress size. I'm 2-3 dress sizes up from where I was when I last wore these clothes. Let's just say, I purged a lot of clothes last night. There were clothes that I wore when pregnant with K2 that no longer fit. The only ones that did fit, were the "fat clothes" I bought for job interviews immediately after my 2nd c-section. So, yeah, that third pregnancy and 40 really did a number on my body. Then I nearly cried myself to sleep.

On one hand, I acknowledge that none of the women I love and admire are on that list because they are a size 4. I'd never tell one of them that she shouldn't leave the house because her thighs are too big yet I talk to myself like that? Realistically, I shouldn't expect to have a flat stomach at this stage in my life. And my 4yo actively tells me that he LOVES my soft tummy because he grew inside of there.

On the other hand, I resent that several of my mother's limitations and illnesses as she's aged are related to having been very overweight for many years. I feel like I should be aggressively trying to lose the weight so my daughter will not feel the same about me, so I can be well enough to continue being her best friend into my 80s. And, of course, there is a vanity element. I really loved being small and clothes aren't designed around concealing a muffin top.

[ladymoreta]

That did take a lot of courage!

Like most women, I also struggle with body image. I'm at a weird place right now, having lost over 30 lbs in about 1.5 years. (Still not "thin", but it's a huge difference for me.) I sometimes find myself choosing clothing that is too big because I still feel like I shouldn't be wearing anything form-fitting. When I've needed to go down a clothing size, I panic that I'll be seen as someone trying to fit into clothes that are too small. Also, as I'm approaching my goal weight, I think it might not be low enough, and I'm worried that I won't ever feel happy with my body. It's been easy over the years to tell myself that I'd be happy with my looks once I get healthy. Now that I'm close, I'm becoming more aware of the other parts of my appearance that I dislike.

[Thirteen]

That did take a lot of courage!

Like most women, I also struggle with body image. I'm at a weird place right now, having lost over 30 lbs in about 1.5 years. (Still not "thin", but it's a huge difference for me.) I sometimes find myself choosing clothing that is too big because I still feel like I shouldn't be wearing anything form-fitting. When I've needed to go down a clothing size, I panic that I'll be seen as someone trying to fit into clothes that are too small. Also, as I'm approaching my goal weight, I think it might not be low enough, and I'm worried that I won't ever feel happy with my body. It's been easy over the years to tell myself that I'd be happy with my looks once I get healthy. Now that I'm close, I'm becoming more aware of the other parts of my appearance that I dislike.

I identify with all of this. I think you're wonderful!

(She said, after trying on jeans for the first time in 18 months). 😅


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[Sheherezade]

That did take a lot of courage!

Like most women, I also struggle with body image. I'm at a weird place right now, having lost over 30 lbs in about 1.5 years. (Still not "thin", but it's a huge difference for me.) I sometimes find myself choosing clothing that is too big because I still feel like I shouldn't be wearing anything form-fitting. When I've needed to go down a clothing size, I panic that I'll be seen as someone trying to fit into clothes that are too small. Also, as I'm approaching my goal weight, I think it might not be low enough, and I'm worried that I won't ever feel happy with my body. It's been easy over the years to tell myself that I'd be happy with my looks once I get healthy. Now that I'm close, I'm becoming more aware of the other parts of my appearance that I dislike.

I think we can all identify with this!! I lost a lot of weight in college (too much actually) and experienced the same feelings. I unfortunately gained it all back and more with kids. Still, it's an eye opener to realize that achieving a certain size and weight on the scale doesn't solve your body image issues. I know I was never "thin enough" or "someone with a good body" even when I was underweight and exercise addicted. Weird.


Angie

[rainbabies]

I could have written everything LM said.


~shacked up with an ob/gyn~

[EvieLee]

I find this thread sad in many ways because we have beautiful caring amazing women that have literally made the world of difference in my life in just a few short months yet in the words typed I can sense a level of sadness mostly over an outward appearance. I hope to add something useful from my own experience. I will insert a disclaimer that I don't have children so I am not trying to say "I understand" about post pregnancy aspects but I have had decades of wanting to be someone I wasn't, right down to the colour of my hair and my spider veins, and it had to end, so here goes.
When I was 18 I modeled for about a year. Catwalk and photography stuff some big jobs for the state that I live in but nothing too crazy. I never got into it because I thought I'd be good at it, i never had much confidence. My boyfriend at the time had encouraged me to try so I didn't regret not having the experience later in life. It was a crazy industry. I'm 6"1 and at the time was an australian size 8-10. I spent so long always wanting to be something different to the way I was made. I never liked this part or that part etc etc. I wasn't respected in that industry and after many knocks and throwbacks and self esteem damage I left to peruse a more sustainable path. It wasn't the only contributing factor to my body image issues but it certainly played a part. A decade passed and exercise came and went. The underlying theme always remained. Every time I started it was because I wanted to change my physical appearance somehow. I wanted smaller thighs, a flatter stomach, etc etc etc the usual stuff. It just wasn't sustainable. It wasn't actually until last year when after seeing a few too many lifestyle related illnesses that I made the decision to commit to exercise and good nutrition because I wanted to be healthy first and foremost from the inside. It was the first time I actually accepted and became content with my physical self. I don't know what the answers are and I have no doubt my body image issues will come back at different stages of my life. But I hope I can focus on being healthy from the inside as it has been a much kinder and healthier way for me to view myself.

I hope this is in someway helpful to anyone reading.


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[spotty_dog]

For me, it boils down to what I teach my children, about their bodies and about judging others'. Over time, focusing on the positive messages to teach has actually started bleeding over to my actual views about my body, and about health and nutrition vs. shape and scale weight. But as confident as I feel about my body, tummy squish and all, I guess it still would be pretty tough for me to wear a bikini in public.

And it *kills* me, that as careful as I've been, my daughter has still asked me if she's fat. And has told me she doesn't like that her thighs are so big. It breaks my heart.

[rufflesanddots]

I've been working really hard in the last year or two to change my mindset about my body. I'm terrified I'll pass on bad habits to my future kids that mistakenly encourage them to judge their own bodies or other people's as being too this or that.

[EvieLee]

I think it's truly amazing to see such drive to install positive self esteem and resilience in your children. One day I too hope to follow this lead. Well done everyone.


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[MrsInTheMiddle]

It's so refreshing to read that I am not alone. I look back at photos from high school and wish I was that "fat." My insecurities about my body were something that was learned from my mother. I vividly remember being in the first grade and declaring that I was giving up Popsicles in an attempt to lose weight. I do not have children yet, but one day I hope to break the cycle.

In my former NY fashion office life, being curvy wasn't easy. Most of my coworkers were dieting or constantly doing a "cleanse."

I've put on weight since we left NY, and I know it will be difficult to go back to my career at this size. I am working on making better choices and getting my health on track.

It's taken 30 years, but I've finally accepted that it's not our outer packaging that's important. You can be miserable at any weight or size. It truly is the person on the inside who matters.


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[GingerGirl]

That must have been really hard to do - I would be so nervous, and having a blindfold would make me feel very vulnerable. Thanks civilspouse for sharing this video! So cool of her to do this, and so cool of those passersby to take the time to share some love.