Available at 
Tweet
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
> The Columbus Dispatch
> JOE BLUNDO
>
> The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
Canada
> has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased
patrol
> to stop
> the illegal immigration.
>
> The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among
left
> leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray
and
> agree
> with Bill O'Reilly.
>
> Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
> sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians
crossing
> their
> fields at night.
>
> ''I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood
> producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield,
> whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted
> and hungry.
>
> ''He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range
chicken.
> When I
> said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show
him my
> screenplay, eh?"
>
> In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected
higher
> fences, but
> the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that
blare
> Rush
> Limbaugh across the fields.
>
> ''Not real effective," he said. ''The liberals still got through,
and
> Rush
> annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
>
> Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
liberals
> near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons,
drive
> them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
>
> ''A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,"
an
> Ontario
> border patrolman said. ''I found one carload without a drop of
drinking
> water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
>
> When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border,
often
> wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.
Rumors
> have
> been circulating about the Bush administration establishing
re-education
> camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and
watch
> NASCAR.
>
> In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes
> ingenious
> ways of crossing the border.
>
> Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy
cheap
> Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
vegans
> disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities
began
> stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
passengers.
>
> ''If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence
Welk Show,
> we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
>
> Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
> creating
> an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon
> movies.
>
> "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy
just can't
> support them," an Ottawa resident said. ''How many art-history
majors
> does one country need?"
>
> In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and
Canada, Vice
> President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and
pledged
> that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a
> source close
> to Cheney said.
>
> ''We're going to have some Peter, Paul &Mary concerts. And we
might put
> some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
determined
> to reach out."
>
> The Columbus Dispatch
> JOE BLUNDO
>
> The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
Canada
> has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased
patrol
> to stop
> the illegal immigration.
>
> The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among
left
> leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray
and
> agree
> with Bill O'Reilly.
>
> Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
> sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians
crossing
> their
> fields at night.
>
> ''I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood
> producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield,
> whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted
> and hungry.
>
> ''He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range
chicken.
> When I
> said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show
him my
> screenplay, eh?"
>
> In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected
higher
> fences, but
> the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that
blare
> Rush
> Limbaugh across the fields.
>
> ''Not real effective," he said. ''The liberals still got through,
and
> Rush
> annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
>
> Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
liberals
> near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons,
drive
> them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
>
> ''A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,"
an
> Ontario
> border patrolman said. ''I found one carload without a drop of
drinking
> water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
>
> When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border,
often
> wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.
Rumors
> have
> been circulating about the Bush administration establishing
re-education
> camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and
watch
> NASCAR.
>
> In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes
> ingenious
> ways of crossing the border.
>
> Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy
cheap
> Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
vegans
> disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities
began
> stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
passengers.
>
> ''If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence
Welk Show,
> we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
>
> Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
> creating
> an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon
> movies.
>
> "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy
just can't
> support them," an Ottawa resident said. ''How many art-history
majors
> does one country need?"
>
> In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and
Canada, Vice
> President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and
pledged
> that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a
> source close
> to Cheney said.
>
> ''We're going to have some Peter, Paul &Mary concerts. And we
might put
> some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
determined
> to reach out."
>
Comment