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Holiday eating tips
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
> leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
>
> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
> scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
> can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
> that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to
> turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have
> one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
>
> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it.That's the whole point of gravy.
> Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
> mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
>
> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
> whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
> with an automatic transmission.
>
> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
> your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
> other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>
> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
> You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
> time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
> while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
>
> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
> frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
> yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
> becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
> If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
>
> 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
> Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always
> have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Duh?
>
> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
> mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
> some standards.
> 10. One final tip : If you don't feel terrible when
> you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
> attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the
> corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to
> the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and
> well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one
> hand, eggnog in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
> screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" Happy Holiday Eating!
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
> leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
>
> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
> scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
> can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
> that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to
> turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have
> one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
>
> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it.That's the whole point of gravy.
> Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
> mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
>
> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
> whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
> with an automatic transmission.
>
> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
> your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
> other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>
> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
> You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
> time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
> while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
>
> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
> frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
> yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
> becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
> If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
>
> 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
> Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always
> have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Duh?
>
> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
> mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
> some standards.
> 10. One final tip : If you don't feel terrible when
> you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
> attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the
> corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to
> the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and
> well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one
> hand, eggnog in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
> screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" Happy Holiday Eating!
Gads, at least 3.
Ummm....hello, are you daft?
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