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TOP EIGHT MORONS OF THE YEAR
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in
the police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed
up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Ang! eles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
could n't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot, the man
shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, ! down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a
problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand
new 22 ft going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby
marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough
topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran
fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath, he came
up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REME! MBER.THIS IS TRUE...
Under the boat, still strapped secu rely in place, was the trailer!
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in
the police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed
up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Ang! eles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
could n't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot, the man
shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, ! down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a
problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand
new 22 ft going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby
marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough
topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran
fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath, he came
up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REME! MBER.THIS IS TRUE...
Under the boat, still strapped secu rely in place, was the trailer!
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