relocation

As we all know, sometimes we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to relocate. The big question is: where to? Here are some tips.

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your derrière from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can Live in New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND You can live in Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds.

[Vishenka69]

These are also true for NYC:

You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

Thanks for the heads-up about Maine. I'll have to keep my eyes open for some flannel lingerie.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: relocation

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

If only we could get decent sized artichokes in the midwest, we were so spoiled in CA.

[alison]

Ditto, Cheri. I was picking out artichokes at the store the other day and this guy in a Cubs hat came up to me and said, "how do you eat those things anyway?" When I explained it to him, he said "sounds like a lot of work." That to me was a TOTALLY endearing comment that you would only hear out here in the Midwest. And all this time, I was knocking myself out sorting raisins by color as a kid in Seattle...
How come the Northwest isn't on this list?
Somehow I think for Seattle it would be:
Wearing Birkenstocks with socks
Dressing formally would be adding a fleece jacket

Dressing formally would be adding a fleece jacket

that's awesome. I think we need to separate the "midwest" a bit .... I'll think on it.

The adding a fleece jacket could go for the midwest too.

[alison]

Ok, what about parallel parking?
In Chicago it means backing in, and either 1) being perpendicular to the curb 2) taking out the license plate of the car behind you.
Then straightening out and hitting the car in front of you once, then the one behind you once, and for good measure, tapping the one in front of you for the second time.

And after all this, STILL not being lined up with your parking meter!!!

When dh took his driving test here, he told me he wasn't even tested on parallel parking! They tested him on backing up in a straight line!

My uncle says Californians "park by sound" ... that could go for Chicago, too.

When dh took his driving test here, he told me he wasn't even tested on parallel parking! They tested him on backing up in a straight line!

They didn't test me for parallel parking in Wisconsin either. DH is GREAT at it. I usually won't attempt it.

[DCJenn]

We're missing DC, too:

Where sport is naming the Congress people you know
Where C-Span is the favorite TV Channel
Where one-inch heels, below the knee skirts and blouses with bows still pass for 'fashionable work attire" on the Hill.
Where your level of clearance actually IS a topic of conversation.
Where you can go to China Town, Little Ethiopia AND New Bangkok in half an hour.
Where it takes an hour to get anywhere. Period. (and yes, that's by car, foot, bus or Metro)
Where Taxation without Representation is more than what pissed off the Colonists back in the day...

and finally, where we constantly and consistently remained shocked that the rest of the country really doesn't care what we think.

[spotty_dog]

When dh took his driving test here, he told me he wasn't even tested on parallel parking! They tested him on backing up in a straight line!

They didn't test me for parallel parking in Wisconsin either. DH is GREAT at it. I usually won't attempt it.

I took my test in Alaska. My Driver's Ed teacher told me, "Everyplace in downtown Anchorage has valet or a parking garage." He taught me how to parallel park in one specific place -- the testing site. So I know how to go to a parking lot in Eagle River and park between orange cones by aligning a pine tree in my rear view mirror. Anything else and I'm lost.

Fortunately DH (whose *second* driving lesson from his dad was parallel parking on a steep hill in Seattle with stick-shift!) has coached me through parking a couple of times, and I might be able to do it alone if my life depended on it.

[alison]

I took my test in Seattle, where they're big on this skill. The guy who gave me my test had me parallel park on a slight incline with 2 parked cars (granted it was an automatic and the cars were a good 3 car lengths apart). Still, I remember the guy saying "you might want to give some gas so that the car actual moves." I was so freaked out that when told to pull out of the spot and rejoin traffic, I didn't look in my mirrors!

I also remember having to back around a corner and stay within 12 inches away from the curb the entire time. And then stay in reverse, following the curb for about 20 feet. Also within 12 inches away from the curb. It was a tough test!

I don't know what it is about Seattleites, but I think we tend to assume we're some of the best drivers to grace the planet. At least better than the Canadians and Oregonians. Whether that's deserved or not.
But yikes, Chicago drivers are some of the worst. I've never white-knuckled the steering wheel like I do here...

My vote for the city with the worst drivers is Boston. Literally bumper cars.