This morning..

[houseelf]

My son awoke at 6 a.m. this morning. (How can this early bird be of my blood?) With bleary eyes I stumbled into his room to see if I could somehow pacify him. He seemed to be relieved as I picked up him, his pacifier, and his bunny blanket into my arms. I put him in our bed and he sat and stroked the satin bunny ears on his blanket until he drifted off to sleep. His chubby, awkward fingers grasped his multiple comfort objects and he wiggled his way onto my pillow thereby pushing me off the pillow. I just had to laugh that I, of all people, could provide such comfort to such an angel. I haven't been feeling like such a great mother lately but it is great to know that I'm still his favorite comfort object.

We practice the family bed around our house. People sometimes say "how do you do that" "how do you get any sleep", etc, etc...but we are really happy about the decision to do that...there is nothing like waking up in the middle of the night and having your children all cuddled up in the bed next to you...it can make the worries of the previous day just melt away...



Kris
The Medical Spouse Network

[houseelf]

We did the family bed for the first year of my son's life and I think it made us all closer. People are passionate both ways on this issue.



Anyway, I find it ironic that I recommended this section of the site and then was um.... volunteered to get it up and going. I think that this will be a very good experience for me even if no one else posts. (sniff... sniff...) (read: unashamed ploy to get any member to post here!) Please, let me know what IS working for you! Is it the love of your mate that keeps you going? Is it the dream of a better day? Is it wolfing down a few dozen oreos when you're feeling down? (oops, that's me.) Please share your wisdom and experience in coping with all of this. Here is my latest revelation.



The last few months have been really good for me and my hubby. However, this weekend we we're "off" for whatever reason. We both took our respective stances in a reoccurring them in our relationship which essentially boils down to "you have no idea how hard it is to be me." I know, I know, we're supposed to be supportive, understanding, and let the little things slide. Let's just say that letting the little things slide is not always my strong suit.



Sadly, I really couldn't come up with anything positive to post here because I was feeling sorry for myself and very unappreciated.



I called my girlfriend back home to whine about my life and, as any good girlfriends would, she validated everything that I had to say. It felt blissful to unload. But then I got kind of embarrassed because in the scheme of things, I have nothing to complain about. In our younger days, this girlfriend and I traveled through some underpriviliged areas of the world. We promised ourselves that when we returned to our own culture, we would not take our privileged lives for granted. We thought that we would be this fountain of gratitude for our freedom as a Western women, for our ***relative*** wealth, and for all of the choices that we have to live our lives the way we please.



Oops. I guess that it is time to focus on what I do have rather than what I don't have. Yes, my husband has demanding hours and an inordinate amount of stress which takes a toll on both of us. However, there is about a million other problems which I wouldn't exchange for this one. Can any of you relate to these feelings? I'd love to hear your perspective.



Kelly

Hey...You recommend it...it's your baby So many people here have good idea and want them implemented...I say.....you have a great idea...run with it! NO..really, did I misunderstand your email about starting an inspirational forum?



It always takes times for these little threads to take on a life of their own and it takes some diligent posting . As I move on to a more positive time in my life, I am excited about your idea because I would like to start refocusing on the more positive aspects of things...and I know that I will be a frequent participant here....and for awhile, if it's just us two...that's ok, right! Many people read and lurk on the boards and have the potential to take something positive from what you are trying to do here! I think that for people who are experiencing extreme stress right now, that they may be only able to read right now...and that's ok....Don't give up, Kelly....the weekends are always quiet because people are busy with family activities.....



That being said, I think that it is also ok to talk when we have an "off" weekend.



I know, I know, we're supposed to be supportive, understanding, and let the little things slide. Let's just say that letting the little things slide is not always my strong suit.





It's hard to let the little things slide when both partners are under stress...regardless of the careers...this is an issue for medical and non-medical families, I think! All I can say is that you just have to let the "off" weekend be ok. Tell yourself it is OK to not be perfect sometimes...to have an off weekend and move on knowing that you are both under stress and might have said/done some things you regret. Get it off to a good start again: Go and buy your dh some chocolates and a nice card and drop them off at his desk during your lunch hour, or email him a nice e-card...or give him a really romantic phone call.....I have done all of those at one time or another, and it has helped to break the ice and calm things down again...



hope that helps,



Kris
The Medical Spouse Network

Hi Kelly! I have really enjoyed reading your comments. I have just been lurking trying to think of something "profound" to say! which is why I haven't posted anything! I have been having quite a bit of stress but reading your posts did make me take a few moments to really think about how grateful I am for my life. I love my 4 boys and they really pull me through. My kids always manage to cheer me up. When my husband was going through a real rough time his 2nd year of med school, the thing that seemed to cheer us up most was holding and playing with our baby. That sweet, innocent and totally dependent baby who gave so much love. It still awes me when I think about what a perfect blessing he has been. It is easy to forget these things if I dwell on the daily struggles, sibling fights or that feeling of distance between my husband and I when the stress gets to be too much. It is too easy to think about the things we don't have and minimalize what we do have. I think just taking the time to think about what we are blessed with and how fortunate we are can make a huge difference in how we act with our family. When I am depressed, my kids seem to fight more and are depressed too. My husband would do anything for me and it is easy to forget that when I don't see him as much as I want to or when he is too tired to do much besides come home and crash on the couch. As I have been reading all the residency/match stuff, I keep thinking how glad I am that it is him doing it and not me. He definitely has a lot of stress to deal with and putting myself in his shoes sometimes helps me be more supportive. Okay... I am rambling now. Maybe now is a good time to have a TWIX!!



Robin





Robin

Beautifully said, Robin!

You all are really Great!



Kris
The Medical Spouse Network

kelly - i must admit that i have been lurking here, too . . . waiting for something profound to pop into my head! i thought of something that is inspiring to me - robin touched on this in her last post. it is the fact that these hard-working and stressed men/women just love us. my soon-to-be-hubby made a comment recently that just touched me and gave me that mushy "i'm on top of the world" feeling. he said that he just loves surgery and is so excited to go to work (most days!) but that he couldn't do it without me . . . that it wouldn't be worth anything if i wasn't along for the ride with him. to hear things like that make me feel inspired - to be the best, to keep chugging through this residency and to be supportive and helpful - ok, enough mush!

[houseelf]

Robin, Claudia, Kris, and lurkers, et al,



I just returned from vacation with my little family, a positive thing to be grateful for in the first place, and upon my return, I found all of these warm and receptive posts!



Although I grumble about the "residency thing" with the best of them, I know that if I really pressed my husband, we would change his career path. His dream was to go to the most prestigious academic program possible, so here we are. And yet, because of me, he seriously considered going back to a small community program in our home town. This move would have dwindled his chances of earning a pediatric surgery fellowship. When a position became open at this community program, we talked about and he left the decision up to me. He said that his professional dream was hollow without my happiness. Nonetheless, I wanted to support him so I bit the bullet and we decided to remain with this program. (And yes, I'm trying not to be a martyr about the whole thing.)



At first, I was resentful that we even knew that there was an option to go home. I was just learning to accept our life here and this information opened up a galestorm of emotions. But now that a few weeks have passed, I think that we both feel closer for being able to offer the other partner something that we really did not want to do.